Bake someone happy
Adding to my bliss in the discrete mathematics of half-hour dramedies is "Weeds" (third season premieres at 10 p.m. Monday, Aug. 13, on Showtime), that sweet little countable equation, filled with spaced-out moms and naive teenagers and kindhearted gangstas. Even when danger looms like never before -- as it did at the end of last season and does at the beginning of this season, when Nancy and Conrad can't find their sought-after MILFweed to hand over to the bad guys at gunpoint -- we suspect that everything will turn out A-OK.
And that's fine, because I'm tired of the high-stakes inflation on most dramas. It's not enough that gloom and doom are waiting around every turn, we actually have to see the awful outcome ("Damages") or spend all of our time inside a bank, surrounded by sharpshooters ("The Kill Point"), or all of the characters have to act like they're off their meds and about to turn violent ("Rescue Me").
"Weeds" is that odd comedy-drama mix that works without either a steady flow of jokes or the specter of nightmarish outcomes darkening every corner. The plot doesn't always pull us in, but the characters and situations do, from Celia (Elizabeth Perkins) with her desperate schemes to Doug (Kevin Nealon) with his constant quest to get high on whatever's within reach. As with jokey alternative rock, I've never loved stoner movies, but the stoner scenes in "Weeds" are the funniest anywhere. (My all-time favorite is when Doug and Andy (Justin Kirk) are getting high in the living room and Andy asks the housekeeper, "Lupita, settle an argument for us. What do you call the thing between the dick and the asshole?" She answers, "The coffee table.")
Who needs to set up an arbitrary enemy and have him lurking around, ready to bust heads, when you've got scenes that funny in the mix? Just keep getting Doug and Andy high, that's all I ask.
That said, though, I do have a tiny little plot-related beef with this season of "Weeds," a sticking point in this otherwise seamless equation. I don't want to spoil any of the fun for you ("Weeds" premieres at 9 p.m. on Monday, Aug. 13 on Showtime), but remember how Nancy's ex-boyfriend Peter was killed at the end of last season? Well, I'm not sure I understand her reaction to his death. Just watch and listen and see what you think, and we'll talk about it next week ... or not, depending on the 50 or 60 other shows that materialize out of thin air by then.
Oh, and by the way, didn't you always think that Mary-Louise Parker should consider dating the guy who played her dead husband on the show, Jeffrey Dean Morgan (who also played Denny on "Grey's Anatomy")? Well, they were dating for a while there, but then they broke up. Just thought you should know that, because it's so very important.
Hostess with the mostess
And speaking of very important, before I sign off for the week and journey back into the boundless, space-time infinity of the TV schedule, a word about something seemingly infinitesimal, yet earth-shatteringly crucial: Cat Deeley, hostess of "So You Think You Can Dance."
Deeley may be the best reality show host ever to appear on American TV. I know you don't care, but bear with me, because the woman deserves some props. You know how most reality show hosts are mildly irritating at best? Think of Ryan Seacrest's devil-may-care goofball antics, or Brooke Burke, with her robotic-rocker talk, or that animatronic wonder Julie Chen.
Well, not only is Cat Deeley completely in tune with the awestruck one-big-family sweetness of "So You Think You Can Dance," but she knows just how to play teasing little sister to the judges, while being a comforting (and disturbingly sexy) Mommy to the dancers. She not only has a way of hinting at her reaction to each dance ("That was incredible!" or the less-enthused "You two look exhausted!" or worse yet, "Nicely done!"), but, even more incredibly, we actually care what she thinks. Even though she's very pretty and fully dolled up as you'd expect, she never calls attention to herself like your Seacrests and your Burkes. She's too wrapped up in the drama of the moment.
And even while the performances might leave the most garrulous judges speechless, Deeley always has witty banter on hand that fits every situation perfectly. I know that sounds completely ridiculous, but once you notice it, you really won't believe how on-point she is. Her reactions are always funny and completely natural. Sometimes she doesn't say that much, other times she chats happily, but none of it ever feels overdone, and she seems to single-handedly put the entire cast at ease. Those who remember the first season and its disastrously bad host, Lauren Sanchez, will have some understanding of how good Deeley is at her job. It's no wonder that she seems to be in demand these days. She does something that very few people can do: make a pretty dorky (if hopelessly addictive) show feel like a rollicking good time.
It's pretty clear why all of those little dancer boys are so in love with her, but she waves off their advances with the good-natured chuckle of your best friend's wise older sister. I bet she could teach you calculus, too, if she weren't so busy doing international-TV-spokesmodel stuff instead.
To infinity and beyond
In closing, let me just remind you that the finale of "So You Think You Can Dance" is this Thursday night (9 p.m. on Fox), and be sure not to miss the premiere of "Californication" right after "Weeds" on Monday night. For more suggestions on what to watch this coming week, check out the brand-new TV Daily page, our way of helping you get a handle on the ever-expanding, boundless realm of television programming before your tiny little mind explodes, just like mine did long ago.
About the writer
Heather Havrilesky is Salon's TV critic. She also maintains the rabbit blog. You can find more of her columns in the I Like To Watch directory.
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