Meanwhile, the school's popular kids are over-the-top jerks, bullies pulled straight from a John Hughes film, but with a modern twist. At one cool-kid gathering, the brutish guys wrestle and the popular girls compare notes.
Popular Girl No. 1: And Kelly Grashow? She's ano, too. All she had for lunch was a packet of sweetener!
Popular Girl No. 2: I know, she looks great.
Justin's younger sister, Claire (Lindsey Shaw), is very popular and refuses to be seen with either Justin or Raja, but she'll occasionally admit that her friends are pretty sad and "may be retarded."
Unfortunately, after a strong start, the last two episodes of "Aliens in America" haven't quite matched the cleverness of the first few. Hopefully the writers will get back on track ... Well, once they're back at work, that is.
Strike that
Uh-oh. Don't start me down that path. Let's worry about the writers' strike once it's been dragging on and on for weeks -- not now, when I have three or four more shows I want to discuss before they all devolve into reruns. As much as it breaks my heart to think of those poor, starving Hollywood millionaires out there on the street right now, I must push them from my mind, lest my ability to write this column be compromised and my overlords cast me out onto the street with them.
Yes, of course I support the strike and believe that writers should share in Internet and DVD profits. Since America is slipping and those well-nigh-hilarious Norwegians are poised and ready to take over the global comedy market, American comedy writers deserve to make a reasonable slice of their corporate overlords' profits while there are still profits to enjoy.
In particular, I think the writers of "30 Rock" deserve to make some extra cash ... You know, to put with the rest of their cash.
You have been watching "30 Rock" lately, haven't you? I hope you didn't miss the episode with Carrie Fisher, which featured my favorite single punch line of the fall '07 TV season, delivered by Jack (Alec Baldwin) when he learns that Liz (Tina Fey) went to a washed-up former comedy writer's (played by Fisher) creepy apartment: "Never go with a hippie to a second location."
And did you catch Baldwin's spot-on imitation of Tracy Morgan two weeks ago? Yes, you do need to catch up. Go watch those episodes online, and for the love of the sweet Lord Jesus, please start tuning in for this show before I'm forced to knock your teeth in.
I shudder to think that I might have to watch "30 Rock" reruns through the blistery depths of winter. See what happens when greedy, mega-billion-dollar corporations don't give their highly paid creatives a fair share of the action? Regular people like you and me have to watch reruns! The outrage!
Imaginary friends
Americans are disenfranchised, and that doesn't mean that they don't own any franchises. It means that they're powerless, technically because they can't vote, but more loosely because the American dream never came true for them. Or it came true, but then they owed it back to the bank at 9 percent interest.
"Everything is gone. Everything that was once noble and good in this world is just gone, and it's replaced with just ... Wal-Mart."
"Everybody has rage, whether it's in your car, whether it's at work, at your boss, at your spouse. I think that a lot of people use Darkon to get rid of those darker impulses."
Thus spake the denizens of "Darkon" (premieres at 9 p.m. on Monday, Nov. 12, on IFC), a documentary that explores the odd undertakings of a war-gaming club in Baltimore. Like a live-action version of Dungeons and Dragons, club members dress up like knights and ladies and peasants and elves and ogres, and they talk and flirt and fight mock battles over hexagons of land on a map. It's not always clear how they determine who wins their mock battles or what the overall goal of the game is, but it's pretty obvious that speaking like characters in a J.R.R. Tolkien novel makes them feel more alive.
Just thinking about it makes me want to listen to old Genesis albums, the ones with the talk of monsters and dark woods and magical powers, the kind of stuff that Tenacious D used to parody before Jack Black transformed from outsider/underdog to bland romantic comedy lead. If they ever made a comedy based on this documentary, though, Jack Black should be in it. Can't you see him delivering lines about "the realm" and "destiny" with total conviction?
"Yes, we're an imperialistic power! Yes, we conquer other nations, we expand our landholdings ... and we're fucking honest about it!" That's the leader of Mordom, justifying his hunger for new territories. When the leader of Laconia confronted him about his relentless warring ways, he bristled, and his arrogance was apparent. Even so, Laconia's leader was realistic about the chances for victory. "It will be a great challenge if we choose to oppose the Mordomian alliance."
If club members seem to have trouble separating their real lives from their role-playing lives in Darkon, it's because, for many of them, Darkon makes them feel far more powerful and effectual than they do when they're at work or at home with their families.
While gawking and rolling your eyes is certainly a natural response to this tale, "Darkon" challenges viewers to look past their prejudices and see the value of these games and the relationships they involve, not all of which are entirely imaginary.
"These experiences that I share with the people around me are very real," says one club member. "When we dedicate this much time in our lives to a game, it becomes our reality."
Dumb, da dumb dumb
That's not the sort of comment someone who watches way too much bad TV wants to hear. So I try to soothe myself by keeping in mind that we're living in an interesting era in history, one that's reflected on our TV screens. Losers are the new winners. As the rest of the globe thumbs its nose at us, the same thing is happening domestically: Freaks and geeks are celebrated while the popular kids take a serious beating.
Just look at "America's Most Smartest Model" (9 p.m. Sundays on VH1). Following in the footsteps of "America's Next Top Model," which made a name for itself primarily by torturing pretty people, "America's Most Smartest Model" skips the self-important, self-righteous noise from Tyra Banks, and goes straight to the good parts: Making dumb, hot people look dumb ... and hot.
Next page: Darfur, country in Arabia or sexy cologne for men?
