Profess up
But after several hours of watching more stuff that wasn't interesting or funny, all while being forced to sit upright at a desk like some kind of productive member of society, I didn't believe in the magic of the Internet at all.
At least, I didn't until I stumbled back over to Super Deluxe, where I found, among the truly strange, outrageous and incomprehensible shows there, a really funny show that will never make it to prime-time TV: "The Professor Brothers."
The show is about Frank and Steve, two professors who are, like a certain subset of the professorial population, pretentious, pathetic, porn-loving weenies. They teach classes that are profane, juvenile and absolutely brilliant.
In the first episode, "Bible History #1," Steve lays out the story of Sodom and Gomorrah in riveting detail: "Lot said 'No one can fuck my strange guests! However, I have two beautiful virgin daughters; you may have them instead. Do unto them whatever you want!'" But "the throbbing mob didn't care about the virgin daughters," and God ended up destroying the town. The sinners "ran like goats on fire," but Lot's wife looked back and God turned her into a pillar of salt and then God and Jesus high-fived. Now what could be better than dizzyingly fast, slightly profane stories from the Bible?
But it wasn't until the next episode, "History Lesson #1," that I was transformed into a serious "Professor Brothers" groupie. If I even try to describe this one, I won't do it justice, so please, do me a big favor and watch "History Lesson #1" right now. I can only tell you that it concerns John F. Kennedy, it's delivered entirely through song, and after you take a few minutes out of your busy schedule to watch it, you'll say to yourself, "I'm really glad I listened to her and watched that, because that was one of the most eye-opening, life-changing bits of Internet entertainment I've ever seen, and now I'm going to write to Comedy Central and suggest that they turn 'The Professor Brothers' into a half-hour show that runs late at night, perhaps after some foul frivolity like 'Drawn Together.'"
I would write to Comedy Central myself, but that would require me to look around for the proper development executive's name, and then that development executive would totally bring my great idea to his or her boss without ever giving me credit, and then I'd be forced to start a video blog so I could whine to total strangers about the whole thing.
Be sure to tell them to check out "The Maria Bamford Show," too, OK?
Hide and geek
You don't need to tell them about "Clark and Michael" because CBS actually financed this one, which should give you some indication of how nervous the major networks are about the potential for new media and the World Wide Web to blow their old-school operation right out of the water.
"Clark and Michael" is another professionally produced show about young losers, which is certainly becoming a common theme among Internet entertainments. Written, produced, directed by and starring Michael Cera (the kid from "Arrested Development," "Superbad" and "Juno") and his friend Clark Duke, "Clark and Michael" follows the two aspiring writers through a series of desperate attempts to get a life in Hollywood.
Once again, that probably sounds as bad as the story of a woman living with her parents or two pretentious, pervy professors, but it only takes about two minutes to understand and enjoy the mood of this show. Cera and Duke both have great deliveries and timing, and their parody of the self-importance of young writers in Hollywood is absurd but also hauntingly accurate.
"They don't deserve our show and they're not ready for it and neither is any other network at this point," Michael says after another failed meeting.
Another episode begins with Michael and Clark working out at the gym. "I just finally took the time to respect my body," Michael explains as he's working out. "My body is my tomb."
Yes, "Clark and Michael" might be financed by The Man and created by a well-known actor, but I'll take free funny wherever I can find it.
The future is finally here!
Back when I spent a lot of my time looking for good stuff for Video Dog, all I ever found were skits that wouldn't even make the cut on "Saturday Night Live." I half-assumed that all of this talk of Internet shows would lead nowhere, just like it did back in 1996 when I wrote for Suck.com, and everyone in our offices (which we shared with HotWired) spoke breathlessly about the endless promise of Internet content. But here we all are, 10 years older and smellier, and the Internet is finally spilling over with a wealth of lively amusements, exactly the sorts of willfully odd entertainments that most of us have longed for whenever we tuned in to the same repetitive, lowest-common-denominator sitcoms year after year.
If the writers and the studios never come to any kind of agreement -- and honestly, if you read some of the more thorough reports on the subject, it looks like the studios don't plan to give an inch anytime soon, to such an alarming extent that half of Hollywood might be out of work indefinitely -- then people could end up relying on the Internet to distract and amuse them. The networks and studios could find themselves waving goodbye to big chunks of their audience, particularly the younger ones who don't leave their apartments without wearing their full music, gaming and narrative entertainment libraries on their bodies.
As for the rest of us? We'll be at home, lying prone, shoveling Chubby Hubby ice cream into our gullets and watching "E! True Hollywood Story" reruns while the modern world passes us by. And we wouldn't have it any other way.
About the writer
Heather Havrilesky is Salon's TV critic. She also maintains the rabbit blog. You can find more of her columns in the I Like To Watch directory.
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