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Saturday, Jul 11, 2009
What? You didn't even know that Keifer Sutherland has been in jail for over a month and a half thanks to a DUI, that he spent Christmas and New Year's Eve in the slammer, and he was just released last Monday? (I probably wouldn't know either, if I weren't so fascinated by the limits of power that society has over the individual and the intricacies of what John Stuart Mill once referred to as our prevailing impatient dislike of the ascendant class!)
Plus, you know what I love about Keifer Sutherland? He does things that would disgust Jack Bauer. If Keifer Sutherland wandered into CTU, Jack Bauer would take one look at him and then throw him against the wall and choke the life out of him.
See, Jack has a higher purpose beyond the high life, and so does the title character of "Eli Stone" (premieres 10 p.m. Thursday Jan. 31 on ABC), played by Jonny Lee Miller, most famous for being Angelina Jolie's first husband. Eli Stone is a lawyer who's looking to reform himself -- you know, the way the self-centered lead characters in romantic comedies always do. He's been working for a big, bad law firm, serving the interests of corrupt corporations, but now he's turning over a new leaf, and he's going to start fighting the good fight for the little guy. Why? Because George Michael keeps appearing to him in visions, dancing on his coffee table and singing "You Gotta have Faith-a, Faith-a, Faith-a!" Yes, I'm serious. He doesn't sing "I Want Your Sex" in the pilot, but it's only a matter of time.
Eli Stone might be a prophet. He might have health issues. He might dump his fiancée because she's selfish and her dad is his nasty boss. Regardless of such larger concerns, as far as I can tell, he's going to start out each episode determined to be a selfish prick, he's going to feel conflicted, he's going to consult his friend, a purveyor of Chinese medicine (who fakes a Chinese accent to attract customers), there'll be a dance break somewhere in the middle, and in the end, Eli will do something grand and generous and passionate, and big, salty tears will well up in his pretty eyes.
The predictability of this arc, and the limited appeal of the same old selfish-yuppie-does-good tale, is what damns "Eli Stone" to mediocrity. There are so many weird touches to the pilot (suited lawyers dancing as George Michael performs in a corporate lobby, just for example) but it still feels like the kind of show that started out odd and original and maybe even a little edgy, but had half of its edge sanded off by the networks along the way. Now that's just a guess, mind you, but that's the impression I get of "Eli Stone" -- it's like a sparkling gem that's been placed in a bland, tacky setting.
All of which is very ABC, honestly. They make good choices initially, and then those shows evolve into predictable mainstream trash: "Desperate Housewives," "Brothers & Sisters," even "Cashmere Mafia" feels like a show that's had its heart ripped out, "Temple of Doom"-style. (What did the little kid in that movie say? "Indy, cover your heart!" Good advice for any show runner.) And didn't Jon Robin Baitz from "Brothers & Sisters" lament over ABC execs sticking their grubby fingers into his pies? That series is smart enough and dark enough at times (you know, right before the second commercial break) that you'd think its writers might want to wallow in the darkness occasionally, instead of making everyone hug and cry and learn important lessons by the end of every damn episode. When are the networks going to stop making sweeping assumptions about what America wants and doesn't want, and just let writers create shows that are interesting and original? Haven't Showtime and HBO and AMC demonstrated that giving writers a lot of creative license makes for much more original, more entertaining fare? Sure, it also leads to messy failures like "John From Cincinnati" -- but personally, I'd rather watch something messy and unpredictable than sit through the same pat formulas over and over again.
OK, fine. Maybe Americans love the same pat formulas over and over again, but I think the tides are turning on that one. Look at how much the sitcom has evolved over the years, from the same lame bickering families to oddball shows like "The Office" and "30 Rock." But sadly, no matter how spunky and weird "Eli Stone" might be at times, at its heart it's Slick Yuppie Lawyer Makes Good, for the millionth time over.
Next page: Dead air, ruined lives
