Most of all, I don't like the fact that, after last season's explosive finale, we've been forced to bide our time for months now, breaking up rocks with Sawyer and Kate or watching Jack being grilled by Juliet, with her endless flow of wry, crooked smiles. I can't think of a character on the show that I find less interesting than Juliet (Elizabeth Mitchell), and the first episode back after winter break didn't exactly help. Flashbacks on this show typically reveal not just important aspects of a person's character, but also how their particular archetype fits into the fabric of life on the island. Juliet's flashback was more plot-driven than character-driven, and not particularly soulful. Yes, we're shown that she's prone to being manipulated by authority figures, either her ex-husband or the company that sent her to the island or Ben, the leader of the Others. But her story didn't really reveal her character that well. She was trying to help cure her sick sister, her sister got pregnant, her ex-husband was a sadistic control freak, she teamed up with a sadistic control freak of an organization to replace her bad husband... Did any of this stuff add up?
I feel like I understand the strengths and weaknesses of most of the other characters, thanks to their flashbacks. Charlie (Dominic Monaghan) is lazy and addiction-prone, Kate is commitment-phobic, Locke (Terry O'Quinn) is idealistic to a fault. But who the hell is Juliet, and how does her self-possessed behavior in the dungeon parse with the whimpering, fearful woman we saw in those flashbacks? And worst of all, despite all of the holes in her back story, it didn't make me want to find out any more about her.
Jack's latest flashback was even less compelling. This is how it went: Jack's in Thailand on vacation, he meets a sexy Thai woman, they sleep together for a month, he asks what she does for a living and she won't tell. So he follows her to work one night; it's a tattoo parlor. He says to her, "That was your big secret?" (We're thinking the same thing.) She responds, "I am not a tattoo artist. I'm able to see who people are! And I mark them!" Jack says, "So tell me who I am!" Sexy Lady looks scared, then Jack throws her against a wall for no reason and makes her give him a tattoo that we later find out means, "He walks amongst us, but he is not one of us." Jack is the son of God? Or is Sexy Lady having a laugh? At the end of the flashback, Sexy Lady has a bunch of men beat the crap out of Jack, just to keep things nice and dark.
This week's episode is at least a little lighter, plus Sawyer and Kate finally get back to the beach with everyone else. Still, Hurley's (Jorge Garcia) flashback is just as clunky and obvious as Jack's and Juliet's were. Weren't flashbacks more nuanced and subtle and intriguing last season? And why is everyone on the beach getting straight to the point suddenly? "I'm cursed!" "Desmond said I was going to die!" "I want you to apologize!" The dialogue lacks any mystery, but it still looks like we're going to have to wait until the end of the third season to get even the slightest clue about what happened at the end of the second season.
As if admitting defeat, the creators of "Lost" are already discussing a way to end the series. All I can say is, this inflatable Santa better learn to do more than smile and wave soon, or we're pulling out a BB gun and putting the damn thing out of its misery.
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