Ha-he-ha-ho! He-ha-ho-hi! Ha-ho-he-ha-ho-hi-he-ho!

It sure is scary.

It sounds just like the music from "The Omen," installments I through IV, and it's the perfect accompaniment for the horrific moment when Mandy looks at Billy and says:

"I had a intamit momint with someone."

And that, friends, is only the teaser.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

The fun begins with recaps of how our six remaining subjects spent their dream dates. From what we can see, these ranged from a close approximation of hell on earth to at least a couple of mad nights of uninhibited euphemisms for sex.

But let's let the kids tell us in their own words:

We see a series of peaceful, candle-lit shots of Kaya and Alison asleep and cuddling in their see-through yurt. Candles burn, signifying passion. Wax drips, signifying melting.

Alison says that her favorite part of the dream date was spending 12 hours in a cave with Kaya. The outcome of this experience, sadly, bears no resemblance to what happened in that cave in "The English Patient."

Kaya emerges in one piece, yelling, "Woo-hoo!" as if discovering his echo for the first time.

"She has all the intangible qualities that I find really attractive," Kaya says later of his self-described "wild" date with Alison. It occurs to us that she has a couple of tangible qualities he probably finds attractive as well.

But for Kaya, this is primarily a journey through a vast uncharted forest of new-age euphemisms.

If modeling doesn't work out, he can always write a self-help book, "Men Are From Earth, Women Are From Earth, Models Are From That Other Planet."

Meanwhile, Valerie and Dano's own version of the dream date -- the "sweaty nightmare where you can't move your legs and you open your mouth to scream but no sound comes out" type of date -- is drawing to a merciful close.

Valerie can think only of Kaya. She has had it with "Temptation Island"; unfortunately for Dano, he's the closest target for her baleful glare.

A thoroughly cowed Dano resorts to nature for a subject (not Kaya) that will draw Valerie into a conversation (not about Kaya).

He says something about the stunning view. She tells him about the butterflies in her stomach. We've heard enough.

But when we see close-ups of waves gently breaking on the shore as Shannon and Tom emerge from their love hutch to witness the dawn, our interest is rekindled. Shannon's boyfriend is Andy, the hamster-eyed serpent, and there's no one on the island more deserving of a comeuppance.

"I've picked and chose throughout my life who to become intimate with ..." Shannon says later, throwing caution and correct verb conjugation to the wind. She chooses her next words carefully: "... who to bare my soul to."

Could she mean ...?

"At some point in the night, I said I was going to bed," she continues. "And I just gave him a look, and I didn't go to bed."

Could she mean ...?

"We sat and watched the sun rise. And we had great conversations. And that was the best part of this whole experience."

What does she mean? Sadly, it appears we'll never know what the second-best part of the whole experience was. We are prepared to speculate, when she tells us.

"You could say I got to experience lust," she continues, as she lovingly embraces the side of the pool. "And I also got to play with love."

Now playing: Read all the recent movie reviews by Salon's critics