Show Information A L S O_.T O D A Y Blue Glow Costello and Bacharach on "Letterman"; unknown bands get break on MTV's new "The Cut" Y E S T E R D A Y Date night, ABC By Joyce Millman Two new shows, "Cupid" and the updated "Fantasy Island," remind us of why saturday night is the loneliest night (09/25/98) R E C E N T_. T E L E V I S I O N Strangeness in the night By Joyce Millman What's a nice boy like Conan O'Brien doing in a place like late night TV? (09/14/98) Women are from Venus, men are from Vegas By Joyce Millman ABC's girl-talk show "The View" and HBO's "Rat Pack" movie have more in common than you think (08/17/98) Queertoons By Joyce Millman Gay-positive messages and campy humor find a TV home in "South Park" and other animated upstarts (08/03/98) American Squirm By Sarah Vowell Fishers of men: Two offbeat TV talk shows reinvent the celebrity interview (06/29/98) Buffy By Joyce Millman Love bites: Buffy learns about life (06/08/98) BROWSE THE TV ARCHIVES COLUMNS FEATURES S A L O N E M P O R I U M FREE! 12-ounce bag of Salon Blend with a purchase of $30 or more. While supplies last.

[ J O Y C E_.M I L L M A N__O N_.T E L E V I S I O N ]__ ____escape FROM THE PLANET OF THE TAPES ____After being inundated with Lewinsky scandal, ____it's a relief to get back to TV that doesn't matter. You've probably been too preoccupied over the past couple of weeks to notice, but the fall season is under way. New shows are being unveiled. Cliffhangers are being resolved. So listen carefully: It's time to stop watching MSNBC. It's time to come back to that other world, where Monica is a character on "Friends" and Bill is "Cosby" and the Starr Report is what you get when you watch "Entertainment Tonight." It's not too late for you to catch up; I'll fill you in on what you missed. It may not sound like much, but you have to admit, it's better than watching John Gibson screaming about impeachment until his Jiffy Pop head explodes. Well, OK, maybe it's not better than that. But you know what I mean. Sunday, Sept. 13 The Emmys salutes 50 years of itself with a four-hour show that feels like it goes on for four days. Vast stretches of ceremony go by without one award being presented. Instead, a possibly deceased Bob Hope is wheeled onstage to stare blankly at the audience; every once in a while, his arm lifts in an amazingly lifelike approximation of a wave. Pretend astronaut Tom Hanks pays tribute to TV coverage of the Apollo 11 moon landing. Hector Elizondo reveals his secret passion for Miss Kitty from "Gunsmoke." Helen Hunt captivates us with a rundown of advances in TV technology from the '50s to the present. Taking advantage of the remote, the greatest technological advance of all time, I switch over to Fox, which is airing the premiere of its new "hit" sitcom That '70s Show for the second time in three weeks. And for the second time in three weeks, I wonder what the critical buzz is about. The show revolves around a group of teens who live in Wisconsin in 1976. There are a lot of bad haircuts and polyester and jokes about pot and eight-tracks, but the show's laborious and ultimately pointless '90s computer-generated special effects (bouncing smiley face bumpers between scenes, an elaborate sequence where the kids arrange themselves, for no apparent reason, into the poses of Jesus and the apostles from "The Last Supper") remind you that you're watching a '90s version of the '70s. It's the creepiest kind of nostalgia -- nostalgia that tries to be ironic about being nostalgic. The tone zig-zags between twittering sex jokes and thudding sentimentality (father-son moments, first-love moments). We've seen "That '70s Show" before. In the '70s, we called it "Happy Days." Monday, Sept 14 Roseanne reinvents herself as a daytime talk-show host. In the opening monologue of her syndicated Roseanne Show, she is careful to set herself apart from another daytime talk-show host named Rosie: "No, you bastards, I'm an altogether different fat chick!" The show is pretty much what you'd expect from Roseanne -- schizophrenic. She tells some ragged, tasteless jokes. She interviews Whoopi Goldberg ("You won an Academy Award. That is so awesome!"); then she and Whoopi enter Oprah mode and sit on the edge of the stage talking to a trio of teenage welfare mothers. She verbally abuses a Linda Tripp impersonator (Nora Dunn): "You're a big fat snitch, aren't ya?" She gets all self-actualizing, New Age-y, womyn-centric 'n' stuff. Sandra Bernhard closes the show singing "I Am Woman" in a see-through dress. Ah, Roseanne. A train wreck, as always. It's good to have her back. Tuesday, Sept. 15 "The Roseanne Show," Day 2: Jerry Springer, big-butt fashion show. The season premiere of King of the Hill answered the question that was on nobody's lips all summer. Of course Hank survived the propane explosion at Mega Lo Mart! But, afterwards, he almost imploded from stifling his feelings of mortal terror: "It's no big deal. Buildings explode. That's what they do." The new Fox sitcom Costello also premiered tonight. Peroxided, shrill, whippetlike comedian Sue Costello plays a mouthy young blue-collar Irish-American woman who works in her parents' South Boston bar. Frustrated by unresolved ambition, she heaps sarcasm on the patrons and gets into a fistfight with her old high school nemesis ("Whore!" "Bitch!") over a guy. Yet Sue is determined to make a dignified lady of herself. She's in therapy, recites affirmations into a mirror and learns one new word a day from the dictionary. Hey, it's "Good Will Hunting" starring Courtney Love! Wednesday, Sept. 16 The Conan O'Brien fifth anniversary prime-time special. Max Weinberg mows down Andy Richter with a sawed-off shotgun in slow motion. Pimpbot threatens to cut Tony Randall for dissing him. Superhero fetuses save the world. You can bet NBC won't be airing a sixth anniversary special anytime before 12:30 a.m. Thursday, Sept. 17 9 p.m. Reflexively click over to NBC, happily anticipating the 39th rerun of the "Seinfeld" where Elaine eats the Duke and Duchess of Windsor's wedding cake. Find Frasier instead. Life is too cruel! Jerry! Why??? (At this point, I take to my bed and sleep for two days.) N E X T_P A G E _| Homer and the president: "You must have it set on 'Whore'"