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The problem lies in understanding the difference between learned behavior and biological traits that are primarily in the wiring. Imagine being a feisty, snappy vocal little Chihuahua and waking up one day and thinking that you'd be better off if you acted like the mellow, tail-wagging Labrador next door. You try. You bite your lip every time you want to jump up and bark. Eventually, if your owners live in Marin, Malibu or Westchester, you will end up on the dog shrink's couch.

The shrink's first question: How long have you wanted to be a Labrador? And then he'll treat you for delusional behavior.

Conversely, if you were a very smart, MIT-educated Chihuahua, had studied with Steven Pinker or others of the mind-as-composed-of-innate-modules school of thought, you might have asked yourself what part of your behavior was actually within your conscious control.

Ask Dr. Bob Dr. Robert Burton, who is a neurologist and novelist, answers health questions every Monday in Salon Health & Body. Please e-mail your queries to him at AskDrBob@ salon.com.

As neurobiology advances, we have weekly discoveries of genes controlling everything from risk taking to neatness. Does that mean that a person without such genes will necessarily be a messy couch potato? Maybe not, but it definitely will make consistent neatness and adventure a major effort.

Much of present-day neurosis stems from stewing over the difference between the way we are and the way we want to be. What makes the problem so much worse is that many of the traits we want to have aren't ours to have.

What to do? No matter how great our attempts at self-awareness, we do not have access to the blueprints of our biology. But we need to know which of your habits are breakable.

If you bite your nails, you can develop any of a number of cognitive retraining programs that might reset your circuitry to diminish the urge for nail biting. But you need to keep in mind that nail biting may be the outward manifestation of an inner nervousness that is less malleable. I have no way to know if this is true, but in my practice I have often felt that a certain innate anxiety seems to run in families.

Go easy on yourself. Accept that nail biting and binge eating may be the manifestations of an inner urge not entirely within your control. Try cognitive-behavioral methods for change, but do not put undue pressure on yourself.

As to snapping before asking questions: Recent neurophysiological studies show that emotional stimuli reach the unconscious areas of the brain (the limbic system of the temporal regions) before reaching conscious awareness. Your brain responds emotionally before it has a chance to think. Perhaps this is evolutionary, part of the fight-or-flight mechanism. But if the immediate response occurs before you are aware of the stimulus, it is difficult to conceptualize how to change your immediate response. This is the great value of the apology.

Practice trying to restrain from speaking out. If you fail, practice the fine art of apology, self-deprecation and dirt-eating. And blame evolution.

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