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Recently in Salon Health & Body

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[10/20/99]

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My first Toto encounter took place in a Tokyo restroom outfitted with a Toto Washlet. A control panel next to the seat displayed pastel buttons marked with graphics, the choices appearing to be: Lying-Down 3 and Armless Lady Sitting Atop Geyser. Having visited the Old Faithful geyser and doubting my ability to remain balanced atop anything of the sort, with or without arms, I pressed the other button. The Lying-Down 3, it turns out, represents a pair of buttocks. I had unwittingly opted for a rectal washing. A pulsating spray shot up from inside the toilet bowl, causing me to leap from the seat in horror, allowing the water to jet from the toilet bowl in a graceful arc, wetting the floor and key pieces of my clothing.

I cowered in the corner waiting for the storm to pass and praying that no one would open the door in the next few minutes and catch me blow-drying my panties over the air-dry cycle.

I will not make this mistake again, for I have since visited the Toto Technical Center in Tokyo, and now know all. The Center is architecturally splendid, not at all the sort of thing you expect of a toilet company. Similarly incongruous was my Toto interpreter, Ayumi Shimano, who has multiple studs in his ears and fashionably long sideburns. It seemed odd that this stylish young man would be drawn to a career in toilets, until he mentioned that his Tokyo apartment had been built by Toto.

Mary Roach Mary Roach's column appears in Salon Health & Body every other Friday. + Biography + Archives

"The toilet room is very gorgeous," he told me. In a city where the standard bathroom unit measures approximately 3 feet by 5, this was a considerable perk.

Ayumi introduced me to a Toto System Development Manager named Mr. Nakazato and a P.R. woman named Kumi Goto, and we proceeded with stunning alacrity to discuss the available varieties of Rectal Washing. There was one called "massage-washing," which Kumi described as "stimulating."

I thought she meant pleasurable, but Ayumi corrected me. "It stimulates the rectum and will help women ... will prevent women from ..." He started over. "Women often don't make waste smoothly."

"You mean they're constipated?" I said. He nodded triumphantly, relieved and grinning like a "Password" contestant after a particularly trying round. I told them that I thought men were as likely as women to be in need of massage-washing.

"Men have other problem," replied Kumi. "Men have ... scar ..." The "Password" match resumed. "Itch ..."

"Hemorrhoids!" I shouted.

"Yes!" said Kumi excitedly, then quickly regained her public-relations composure. "By using toilet paper, it will rub the ... part. Using water we can wash more softly."

Next page | Kumi stated that in the U.S., bidets are used to prevent pregnancy