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Sept. 7, 1999 |
But the male mice injected with the "monogamy gene" escaped the struggle that
almost cost Clinton his presidency and, one presumes, his marriage. When
Emory researchers spliced DNA strands from monogamous prairie voles into
promiscuous mice, the latter became more bonded to their mates, sticking
around even when the mousewives weren't in heat. Tom Insel, a psychiatrist
on the research team, was quoted as saying, "What is really intriguing
about this is that a change of a single gene can lead to a new pattern of
expression in the brain and a profound difference in behavior." Virginia Vitzthum Virginia Vitzthum's column appears every other Tuesday in the Urge edition of Health & Body + Archives
Hillary had to like the sound of that. Though the country warmed up to her as a wronged wife, her accounting for her no-account spouse backfired and required days of damage control. But she should stay the course, because the monogamy gene could validate her original version: Bill's inability to keep it in his pants in the presence of big hair may be a kind of genetic disease. And you don't leave somebody who's sick; you get him treatment. Maybe Bill Clinton doesn't want to be the first human test subject for monogamy
gene therapy (possible drug names: Luvone; PantzOn; Noagra). Maybe he
thinks those scientists down in Atlanta should just stick to pussy-whipping
mice and let boys be boys. Tough. He owes her, big time: She reinvented
herself for him, took the hit for the failure of his health-care plan and
had to do the betrayal- Bill the guinea pig could put Hillary's Senate campaign over the top. New Yorkers might vote her in just to watch the drug trial unfold. A digital display in Times Square could keep track of the days without a "slip," as they call it in AA. Hillary, meanwhile, could campaign without worrying about a new scandal, and Bill -- now undistracted by the hunt for poontang -- could touch up his legacy and find a new job. The scientific researcher vote, at the very least, would be sewn up.
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