But to those who might just be wallflowers at parties, who need a little time to warm up before growing their social butterfly wings, drugs like Paxil might not be the answer. Doctors fear that it might be construed as a quick fix, and will be prescribed to those with only mild cases of social anxiety. And it doesn't help that there have been media reports of this shyness cure-all finally having arrived. (Although Koenig says that SmithKline will take great pains -- through advertisements and educational programs -- to make sure that the drug is only used by those with serious bouts of social phobia.)

"What we can anticipate is that at least in the beginning there will be lots of interest because people will see this as a panacea, as the easy way out," says Carducci, director of Indiana University's Southeast Shyness Research Institute and author of the book "Shyness: A Bold New Approach." "What this doesn't do is teach you the social skills necessary to engage in a social situation. It just drops your anxiety, so you know how to feel comfortable at the party -- but it doesn't teach you what to say."

That's where treatment such as cognitive-behavioral therapy is useful, says Carducci. Rick Robbins, a 31-year-old accountant controller living in Jeffersonville, Ind., has been going to the Southeast Shyness Research Institute for the last year, where they do a combination of social skills development, goal setting and therapy. He now "epitomizes the successfully shy person," says Carducci.

For Robbins, shyness came on during his junior high years and stayed with him, making it a trying experience each time he would try to speak out while with a group of friends or talking with women. He says it was difficult because with members of the opposite sex, if you don't come off as confident, it was a strike against you from the start.

"I was probably depressed from what the shyness prevented me from enjoying," Robbins says. "There were times I thought I would never meet anyone or get married. For a long time I didn't attribute it to shyness, but now I look at it as it being a factor."

Over at the Palo Alto Shyness Clinic in Portola Valley, Calif., where Zimbardo is a consultant, there are similar success stories. Lynne Henderson, Ph.D., director of the clinic, says role-playing and confronting the situations that the person fears the most should at least accompany medication. "We work with them to actively change their negative thinking patterns, challenging their beliefs and misconceptions they have about themselves," Henderson says. "We've had some pretty serious cases. One fellow we worked with really had gotten to be so withdrawn that he had no social contact and hadn't dated for a couple years. While he was in the group he started to date, and got his business back on track."

What the medication-only approach comes down to is a Catch-22 scenario: Doctors say shy people already believe that their successes and failures have to do with the situation or another person, and not themselves. And so it's easy to see, says Carducci, "If people take Paxil and they start to reduce their anxiety, they begin to attribute their ability to be social and feel comfortable in an environment to the drug, and not to themselves. So now, instead of the shyness controlling them, it's the drug."

Regardless of the respective merits of medication and cognitive-behavioral therapy, many shy people have improved without professional help. The woman who experienced the problems in high school is now 40 years old with four children and deals with the demands of her job as a nurse. "I have seen many shy people in all professions that deal with the pressures and are doing the job right alongside of the extroverts," she writes to another newsgroup member who is having difficulty. "Shy people are everywhere, in all career fields. It also helps to seek out and find a friend that may have a harder time with it than you do. Being friends with shy people can sometimes bring out the strength in ourselves."
salon.com | May 12, 1999

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