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Additionally, everyone was also instructed to eat the same amount of party food (which, due to some unfortunate circumstances, in the first test would turn out to be Tater Tots), and to be consistent in what hangover precautions they used (water, Advil, vitamins, prayer, whatever). The day after each tasting, we'd meet to discuss our state of mind.

The test subjects consisted of three men and three women. Here are the relevant stats: Myself (male, 27, 6 feet tall, 190 pounds); Mari (female, 26, 5-foot-2, 110 pounds -- and a biotech researcher who poked constant fun at my "science"); Kate (female, 29, 5-foot-6, 130 pounds); Nick (male, 32, 5-foot-8, 150 pounds); Ben (male, 35, 170 pounds, 5-foot-9); Caroline (female, 29, 5-foot-8, 130 pounds).

Of this group, Mari and I are moderate drinkers, Nick and Kate are light drinkers, and Ben and Caroline are very light drinkers, rarely drinking alcohol in quantity.

For practical purposes I decided to limit the testing to three brands of vodka. These would consist of Skyy, a top-shelf, more expensive brand than Skyy, and a lower-end "economy" brand. The top-shelf brand I chose was Ketel One, a popular independent vodka imported from Holland ($33.99 for 1.75 liters) The bargain-basement brand I chose was Popov ($12.39 for 1.75 liters). The Skyy was $23.99 for 1.75 liters.

We tested Ketel One first, as I wanted Skyy to go last and I was afraid everyone would quit outright if we started with Popov. We set up shop with plenty of Ketel One, note pads to record our thoughts, mixers and, due to an overabundance of the horrific processed little potatoes in Caroline's freezer, Tater Tots as snacks. The drinking commenced at roughly 9 p.m. and ended at around 2:30 a.m., as it would each of the three nights. I hit a total of eight drinks. The other male subjects dank six and seven drinks respectively. The female participants averaged five drinks each. We were all certifiably buzzed.

Ben turned out to be the drunkest. A reflection of the tally in his journal the next day gives an idea as to how overboard he went:

9:20 p.m.: I feel great! First gimlet, yummy.

10:05 p.m.: Second gimlet. Still feel fine, no recognizable buzz.

10:30 p.m.: Third gimlet. Definitely buzzed.

11:00 p.m.: Vodka and cranberry. I'm heavily buzzed, bordering on crocked. All inhibitions are on leave.

11:20 p.m.: Second vodka and cranberry. I'm lit.

12:42 a.m.: Third vodka and cranberry. I'm still lit.

1:15 a.m.: Ouch. Talked to Rrrrrrralph on the big white phone. Lounging in the bathtub spinning. Spinning, round I go.

When I left that night, Ben was still laying in Caroline's bathtub. I haven't seen him since. All I have for consolation is what he wrote in his note pad the next morning -- 8:30 am: Guess what, that vodka gave me a hangover!

As for me, I felt very typical for a night of too much drinking. I had a headache, was tired, and felt slightly sick to my stomach. Three of the participants also said they had standard-issue hangovers. Only a single female, Mari, said she felt good the next day, no headache, but a little dehydrated.

Next page | Somewhere around 2 a.m. we started buying shoes online