Search Salon

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Recently in Salon Health & Body

Debunking depression
Many people who claim they are clinically depressed may only be disgruntled
By Robert Burton, M.D.
[08/23/99]

Sexpert Opinion
For more information...
Here's where you can find out more about herpes simplex virus (HSV) and human papillomavirus (HPV)
By Susie Bright
[08/21/99]

Sexpert Opinion
Herpes nation
Readers praise and blast me for saying the virus is no big deal. Let's clear up a few things.
By Susie Bright
[08/21/99]

My first biopsy
Medical tests revealed a most insidious disease: Fear.
By Eleanor Stacy Parker
[08/19/99]

Urge
Heard and not seen
She's a bad girl in the working world but too wholesome for her boyfriend.
By Tracy Quan
[08/19/99]

Complete archives for Health & Body

- - - - - - - - - - - -

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Tuesday night July 27

Having two phone lines is a godsend. You can actually turn the ringer off on your entire personal life when it becomes unbearable. So, after silencing my "boyfriend line," I've been checking for my boyfriend's messages quite frequently.

Too often, actually. OK -- way too often. Is this a test of his feelings? Or mine?

So far, two voicemails. His presumptuous tone sickens me -- and turns me on for some awful reason. I can't help it. But I refuse to acknowledge his voicemail because I have no idea what to say. He doesn't realize that I know about this -- this office flirtation? Romance? Summer affair? What would I say anyway? "Yes, I've cheated on you in my own fashion but when I cheat, I cheat fair! Besides, I only see other guys for money." I hear myself saying this and realize: Matt and I live in different worlds. I believe that if I follow certain rules, it's OK to sneak around -- or, if I sneak around, I have to have rules. Does he? And I wouldn't see any of these guys -- even Milt -- if they didn't pay. How do you explain that to a guy? I mean, to a boyfriend?

You don't.

Nancy Chan: Diary of a Manhattan Call Girl appears in Health & Body every Monday and Thursday. + About Nancy Chan: Diary of a Manhattan Call Girl -- with links to all chapters to date. + Read the Diary from the start.

With my personal phone line turned off, I feel vindicated ... whenever my business line rings ... But I feel like crying when I recall the skirt-chasing wistfulness in Matt's voice -- and I don't know why. Wouldn't I be more upset if he thought of me as a plaything? I would hate to be treated like an unpaid hooker. Didn't I want him to think I was respectable? He obviously buys that idea with no problem at all. A sharper girl would be smugly amused by that psychic coup. So why am I, of all people, jealous of an illicit fling?

Because: It's one thing to hide another girl from me -- but why is he hiding me from her? The woman you bother to lie to is the one who ultimately matters. Right? Johns talk to hookers about their wives -- not the other way around. So what is Matt up to? Which one of us is Matt really lying to? Which one of us matters?

Maybe I've spent so much time around middle-aged johns that I've lost my ability to understand a guy my own age. And maybe there's some entirely different set of rules for guys like Matthew.

Wednesday July 28

My worst fears have materialized: While I was busy with my client Etienne -- back from his annual pilgrimage to Geneva -- Allison left some disturbing voicemail: "I'm on my way to Starbucks at 54th Street to meet April -- want to join us?" At the end of our session, Etienne hopped into the shower. Digesting Allison's message, I paced the living room in black panties and matching bra. What to do? I decided it was too late to meet her at 54th Street ... Envisioning April pumping Allison for information while she set about blackmailing Allison's best clients, I was never happier about having temporary custody of Allie's address book.

Next page | Is Allison's spending spree from April's blackmail cash?