| ||||
|
Arts & Entertainment
Books Comics  Health & BodyMedia Mothers Who Think News People Politics2000 Technology - Free Software Project Travel & Food  Columnists
- - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - Also Today For a full list of today's Salon Health & Body stories, go to the
Health & Body home page. - - - - - - - - - - - - Search Salon - - - - - - - - - - - - Recently in Salon Health & Body Urge Urge Complete archives for Health & Body - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
|
For love and for money | page 1, 2
As the wine mingled with the absurdity of our mutual evasions, I
started to get teary. Matt disappeared into the bedroom and came
back with a box of Puffs -- not his usual brand of tissue -- then
sat gently holding my hand while I blew my nose into what had to be
another woman's post-coital tissue supply. I didn't have the heart
to point it out. If he has been involved with another girl, my
affair with Randy should make us even -- but when do we ever really
feel even about these things? "I know I've been traveling a lot -- and I don't always have
enough time for us, but I love you," Matt said, touching my face
with his fingertips. "You have to know that," he added. "Why now?" I asked, grabbing another tissue. "Why are you saying
that now?" "I don't know why I say things when I say them -- I'm a guy!"
The dorkiness of this response cheered me up a little. The banality of cheating!
Here we are in this ridiculously common predicament together. Neither of us
wants an inquisition because we don't want to stop seeing each other.
Without wanting to say it, we find each other alluring because we aren't sure what the other is doing at all times ... The other day, I felt transported -- possessed -- by
Randy's desire, but last night Randy became sort of alien. I felt
bound to Matt by our strange code of silence -- we had both decided
to be adults, not to talk about something, to preserve what we
have. Randy's got a protective streak, but I could never tell him about an
envelope from the Treasury Department -- he's a kid. Matt understands official channels, interest rates -- the serious business of living. I'm afraid to tell him about my
knowledge of the unofficial channels, all the men I've been with,
but I keep returning to that feeling: This is real, in all its
dishonesty, and maybe even because of it. We both feel invested.
What I have with Randy is a spending spree, not an investment. Randy's
not investing -- he just hit the jackpot. But Matt's flawed, tender
gaze was the look of a guy who's invested in me -- or maybe an illusion of me.
For one crazy moment, just before I kissed him, I looked into his eyes and
wondered: Could I give it all up for you? Not just the flings --
like Randy -- but my clients as well? My freedom? Friday, later My afternoon session with Milt brought me back to my senses -- and
tested my patience. When he finally came -- in a condom, with the
help of my mouth and my right hand -- he admitted that this was not
his first orgasm of the day. As if I couldn't tell! "I tried not
to have sex this morning -- but what can I tell you? Marriage is
tough. I couldn't exactly tell my wife I was saving it for our
appointment!" When I told Milt about the envelope -- and Matt's desire to help me
-- he sighed. "Show it to a lawyer -- and let your boyfriend
concentrate on wining and dining you." "A lawyer?" I said, startled. "Why?" "My guess is, if you're afraid to open it, you may need a lawyer,"
he said. "This is a steady boyfriend, right? The guy you go to the
Hamptons with -- the guy you sneak around on. He's got a good job
and you could have a future with him. Don't screw it up, Suzy. Be
careful about what you tell him." I was about to show him the envelope. Then, I realized that it
was addressed to "Nancy Chan" -- after seeing Milt steadily for
five years, it would be awkward to suddenly reveal my real name, to
acknowledge that all this familiarity was built on regular visits
to a girl whose name he didn't know. I'm a little embarrassed about
hiding my name -- after all, I know his. Funny, but he's the only
client who makes me feel that way. Episode 29 Enigmatic revelations
- - - - - - - - - - - -
About the writer Table Talk Sound off - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Search Salon | |||
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
