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Sexpert Opinion
Turned off
Talk-show producers love to chat me up, but they always leave me high and dry.
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[10/16/99]

"Fat guys kick ass"
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Woe is HMO
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Urge
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[10/14/99]

Irish coffee cure
A study with rats shows that an alcohol-caffeine cocktail after a stroke can protect the brain.
By Alex Salkever
[10/13/99]

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Saturday afternoon, August 28

After two evenings of alternating between morbid paranoia and tipsiness, I invited Jasmine over for coffee -- then told her what was bothering me. I extracted the sealed envelope from my underwear drawer.

"Ignorance isn't bliss!" Jasmine exclaimed, snatching it from my hand. "I can't believe you still haven't opened this. You think you can make things disappear by shoving them under the carpet, don't you? It's the kind of thing a Nice Girl does when she's playing at being a Bad Girl. And the sick attachment you have with Allison is symptomatic. I wish I knew what the two of you are running from ..." She picked up the long nail file on my dresser top and -- looking rather satisfied with herself -- sliced the envelope apart.

Nancy Chan: Diary of a Manhattan Call Girl appears in Health & Body every Monday and Thursday. + About Nancy Chan: Diary of a Manhattan Call Girl -- with links to all episodes to date. + Read the Diary from the start.

"It's a form letter," she said, in a calm voice -- as if she were counseling a superstitious peasant. "Please contact this office as soon as possible -- looks like it could be a downtown number." She squinted at the signature and waved the letter in my face. "It's signed, but why isn't the name printed out? And why no letterhead? Looks like they've Xeroxed this thing a million times! It's weird."

"Do I have to call them back?" I asked hopefully.

"That's a good question," Jasmine said. "There's no proof you ever received this letter. Have you been filing your taxes?"

"Sort of," I sighed. "It's never been my strong point. Sometimes I'm late."

"That figures," Jasmine said, rolling her eyes. "If the IRS gave out a Prada make-up bag for every tax return that got filed, you'd be, like, the first in line at the post office. I'll call the number tomorrow from a phone booth," she offered. "Just to be on the safe side -- it's more anonymous. I want to get to the bottom of this. There's something about that signature ..."

Next page | Jasmine on a mission