Search Salon

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Recently in Salon Health & Body

Urge: Naked World
Gobs of groupie sex
Look out, Wilt -- Alanis Morissette and Dustin Hoffman say they bagged their share of fans.
By Hank Hyena
[11/23/99]

Flu be gone!
Two new anti-flu drugs just hit the market and will be backed by millions in advertising. But do they work?
By Arthur Allen
[11/22/99]

Urge: Naked World
Embarrassed Italy boots 350 Nigerian prostitutes
Are officials getting righteous, or just trying to save face for the domestic red-light scene?
By Hank Hyena
[11/22/99]

Health Urge: Nancy Chan
Caught between Milt's lips and a hard Matt
No one trusts me anymore, not even the people I'm not lying to.
By Tracy Quan
[11/22/99]

Urge
Ex change
My ex-boyfriend called me with big news. Seems he wasn't quite my ex-boyfriend anymore.
By Sarah Gold
[11/20/99]

Complete archives for Health & Body

- - - - - - - - - - - -

- - - - - - - - - - - -

What is low sex drive? It's a lack of lust, a difficulty in getting turned on. For example, although you may find a woman attractive, you rarely feel the urge, the craving to make love to her. This lack of desire is altogether distinct from impotence or performance anxiety or myriad other afflictions that our psychologists have cataloged under the rubric of sexual dysfunction. For instance, men who suffer from low sex drive don't necessarily have trouble getting erections. On the other hand, a man suffering from erectile dysfunction could still feel a powerful sense of lust toward his partner, but his body might betray this desire.

Also Today Dear Mr. Blue: Healthy urges I don't want to have to beg my boyfriend for sex, but I'm too young to give up on it. By Garrison Keillor

I'd always thought I was something of an aberration, that most guys were in a nearly constant state of semi-erection. But this year I learned I have plenty of company. According to a major survey reported in the Feb. 10 Journal of the American Medical Association, approximately 15 percent of men 18-59 have low sexual desire.

Yet the prevalence of low sex drive remains largely undiscussed. Bernard Apfelbaum, director of the Berkeley Sex Therapy Group in California, says that most guys don't like to talk about it, even in therapy. "Men are ashamed. They're embarrassed to talk about anything that smacks of their being inadequate."

But now with my newfound statistics and a growing acceptance of my fate, I'm ready to tell my story -- albeit under the protection of a pseudonym, largely for my wife's.

I feel sorry for my wife, a good and attractive woman who deserves a sex life. Who knows, she may have one, just not with her husband. She might be having an affair. Contemplating this scares me because an affair might make her more likely to leave me. And as a balding 49-year-old with minimal sex drive, I worry that I'd have trouble finding a good woman to grow old with. That's especially likely with today's older women, who rightfully feel entitled to a rich sex life.

Next page | From porn flicks to marital manuals ... learning my limits the hard way