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This afternoon, a very strange, muted voice mail -- from Allison, of all people! "I'm having my land line disconnected" -- again? -- "Please call me on my new cell phone." I felt a stab of fear as I listened, and then creeping doubt as I replayed it for Jasmine, using three-way calling. Soon, we three -- Jasmine, the voice-mail robot and I -- were caught up in a horrible tangle of sounds.

"Hang the fuck up!" Jasmine shouted. "I hate three-way calling! I've heard enough!" Reconnected, she agreed with my hypotheses. "Yes, you now have two scheming blonds after your well-meaning ass -- maybe Allison's acting as April's administrative assistant. This, ultimately, is what you get for trying to help an imbecile. Listen," she added. "I have to be at La Caravelle in 10 minutes and my eyes aren't done. Is your snatch still indisposed?"

Nancy Chan: Diary of a Manhattan Call Girl appears in Health & Body every Monday and Thursday. + About Nancy Chan: Diary of a Manhattan Call Girl -- with links to all episodes to date. + Read the Diary from the start.

"My -- uh -- is there another word you might care to use?" I sniffed. Hard to believe that Jasmine is capable of morphing into a $1,000 dinner companion when she carries on like this.

"Well," Jasmine said. "I'm sure your precious Allison never talks that way. If you can't fuck," she continued, "there's always Harry. He didn't ask for you or anything," she said in a huffy voice, "but I was trying to promote you because he's just a blow job. Or how about Roberto? He's a bit of a nuisance but he's just a hand job. Not that I give a fuck what happens to you or anything!" I mumbled my thanks and agreed to see two of Jasmine's guys tomorrow afternoon.

Later

Another call from Allison. "Nancy? Oh, thank God, you're there. Please don't hang up! We need to talk. I've been a terrible friend." Jasmine, now productively occupied at her dinner gig, would have hung up for me, had she been present. "I said some terrible things, didn't I? Well, I was drunk, too, you know. I didn't realize my phone records had been subpoenaed -- my old phone records! They've got a printout of every number I called last year!"

"They?"

"I made a mistake about you and April -- oh, Nancy, I hope you'll forgive me! I've been saying affirmations about our friendship for three days. I really value our friendship. You've been like a sister to me! And I hope you value it too ..." I cringed as she prattled on. "Tom Winters called my clients -- he has -- you'll never believe what I've been through."

But she threatened me! She threatened to turn me in! Forgiving is one thing, involving myself is another.

"I don't know, Allie," I said with a sad sigh. "I've been through a lot, too, you know." I couldn't even tell her how hurt I was by what she had done to me. And all this mumbo jumbo about affirmations wasn't very encouraging.

"I've been talking to April," she continued, barely aware of my comments, "and she won't leave me alone. She's a very negative person! I should have realized that you would never be involved in something so toxic, so -- so sex-negative!"

"Sex-negative?"

"I'll tell you about it when I see you. Anyway, April doesn't know that I have her figured out," Allie added, more confidently. "I mean, aside from the sex-negative thing which is really a problem for her to solve on her own. But she asked me to give her my percentage of the $1,500 and she said you had given her your percentage. I played along and asked her how much my part was. So she said, all snotty-like, 'Well, Allison, you know what the split was, so don't play games with me.'

"The nerve! I offered her the whole thing and she said I shouldn't have to give back more than my share. She kept bugging me about it; that's when I realized she really believes you took a cut of the money." (Which I didn't.) "And she was trying to get me to say something she could use against you! I want you to know, I didn't. By the way, I think April's jealous of your goddess energy. She keeps talking about how some guys worship you and I can tell she resents it."

"Well, I'm very flattered, Allie, but why --"

"Look, I really want the healing to begin," Allie pleaded. "Why don't you give our friendship another chance? We can't grow again until there's forgiveness. People make mistakes! And April's going to be on TV again -- tomorrow night! I want you to watch."
salon.com | Dec. 16, 1999

Episode 45 Media circus

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