Search Salon

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Recently in Salon Health & Body

Urge: Naked World
Attack of the steroid-slurping breast men!
Pill-popping weight-lifters are turning to liposuction to lose their balconies.
By Hank Hyena
[12/20/99]

Column
The year in sex
Looking back over a year that looked back over 50 years.
By Virginia Vitzthum
[12/18/99]

Column
The survivalist's guide to do-it-yourself medicine
Come the apocalypse, who will fill your prescriptions?
By Mary Roach
[12/17/99]

Geographic discrimination?
Supporters of a new lawsuit against the federal government want to know why Minnesota seniors receive less money for their health care.
By David Brauer
[12/16/99]

Health Urge: Nancy Chan
The other cheek
Matt grants me my bed rest; Allison waxes New Age.
By Tracy Quan
[12/16/99]

Complete archives for Health & Body

- - - - - - - - - - - -

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Tuesday afternoon, October 26

Jasmine doesn't know I have persuaded Allison to do that three-way with Milt. Allison is almost broke ... again. And when I tried to persuade Milt to see Jasmine instead, he objected: "She makes me feel like a bird on a timer."

Jasmine takes a dim view of Allison's goddess spiel -- "superstitious people-pleasing claptrap," as she calls it. But I'm oddly pleased by Allison's reference to my "goddess" energy: Maybe it's true that April resents me for having the respectable boyfriend and the solid client list, for seeming to have it all. I'm tempted to think of this as a feather in my cap, until I consider the havoc another girl's jealousy can unleash.

Nancy Chan: Diary of a Manhattan Call Girl appears in Health & Body every Monday and Thursday. + About Nancy Chan: Diary of a Manhattan Call Girl -- with links to all episodes to date. + Read the Diary from the start.

Hesitantly, I told Allison that Jasmine wants us all to watch "The Kelly June Show" together. Allison was so pleased that I couldn't get her off the phone. "I'm sorry about the things I said that night when I called you at two in the morning," she said. "I said some very sexphobic things and I hope you know it wasn't really about you, Nancy."

Oh? I thought. It was me she was threatening, my boyfriend who could practically hear her, that night.

"I was struggling with my own sex-negative demons," she explained. "Which were surfacing because of this terrible investigation."

"Sexphobic?" I repeated.

"I used the word 'cunt' in a derogatory way," Allison explained, apparently unable to say, I called you a cunt. "I've come to believe that the words for a woman's essence should not be used to insult or express anger. I'm much more sex-positive than I used to be. I'm learning something new about my body every day."

I hope she won't be carrying on like this when we do our threeway with Milt. Well, must pick up some refreshments to take to Jasmine's.

Wednesday, October 27

Last night, I was early for our viewing party in Jasmine's living room. Jasmine followed me into the kitchen, chattering about her dinner at La Caravelle. "I was with ____ and I'm hearing his golf story for the 10th time and I look across the room for one second and David is getting up from a table in the corner! He was with a very delicate blond -- hard to tell her age but maybe this was the aunt he told me about. She was extremely beautiful."

I unwrapped two bottles of Beaujolais Nouveau and she handed me a corkscrew.

"Then he looked back at me," Jasmine continued, flushed, "and there was so much electricity between us --" The door buzzer interrupted her before I could hear about the electricity: Allison.

I was about to check on the mini-knishes when -- "Empty it!" -- I suddenly heard Jasmine shouting orders at Allison.

"Right now! Here!" I let the oven door slam shut and ran into the foyer. Jasmine had Allison's handbag upside down and its contents scattered across her hall table. "You aren't coming in here without a full security check," Jasmine said to her. I stared at Allison in shock, trying to find my most innocent-looking expression.

"Take off your raincoat!" said Jasmine. Allison was so horrified that she simply handed her new Searle coat over to Jasmine, who searched the pockets. Then she told Allison to disrobe.

"What are you doing?" I gasped.

"Be quiet! I know what I'm doing ... You don't have to take it off," Jasmine was saying. "Just unbutton this -- and this." Allison was glaring at me through tears as Jasmine briskly peeled her clothes apart. As her blouse opened, she stood a bit straighter -- the instinctive reaction of a firm-breasted girl who has taken her clothes off many times, in better circumstances. Between sobs, she allowed her lace-covered breasts to jut out proudly.

"The snacks!" Jasmine exclaimed. "They're burning!"

Next page | Tit for tat