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Beauty and the beak | page 1, 2
Beauty and the beak
Editor's Note:
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Jan. 26, 2000 |
Olfactory organ angst is the reverse in The Philippines though, where
indigenous sniffers are generally flat, short and wide. FIlipina females
crave longer, pointier noses, according to the Philippine magazine, Buisnessworld. And now, a torturous device has been invented to aid them in their Pinocchio ambitions. Nasal inserts! An enhancement gizmo called the "Cleopatra" is currently
getting crammed into the nostril cavities of the archipelago's women. The
bullet-shaped contraption is tweezered into both orifices of a pug nose and
then, spring-released. The resulting pressure propels a small bump into
an elegant, articulated Sigourney Weaveresque peak. Each Cleopatra kit is
equipped with three different sizes that enable beaks to be jacked upwards
from three to thirteen millimeters. The Cleopatra won't create sinus infections because it's coated with
silicone, and its black hue renders it invisible in the shadowy depths of
one's schnoz. But are the pushy props comfortable? Or do they obsess the
wearer with a manic desire to snort, sneeze and finger them out? Are they
secure? Will a romantic date be startled when a Cleopatra blasts into a
dinner salad, leaving the nose of the beloved lop-sided? Advertisements on Manila’s local television depict stretch-nosed Filipinas cavorting
romantically with handsome men, while sad flat-nosed women wander by in
abject solitude. A voice-over advises, "Get Cleopatra. Perfect for
pictures, dates, job interviews. Bring back the confidence in your life."
It's tragic that commerce and infatuation with Hollywood actresses has
coalesced to erode Filipina self-esteem, but at least the nasal-lifter is
cheap, only 3,980 pesos (US $98), a petite fraction of plastic surgery's
expense.
- - - - - - - - - - - - Hank Hyena is a columnist for SF Gate, and a frequent contributor to Salon. Hank Hyena is a columnist for SF Gate, and a frequent contributor to Salon. Sound off - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Search Salon | |||
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