Salon | Letters to the editor

_______________DECADE OF THE DICK BY DEANNE STILLMAN (02/11/99)

Deanne Stillman takes the phallic thing way too literally. Yes the '90s was the decade of the dick, but the real dicks are as follows:
Newt Gingrich: Gingrich wanted to shove it up the ass of every minority, homosexual, immigrant and working stiff he could find with his "Contract With America." Only the loverboy in the White House had the balls to stop him. Gingrich also begat such smaller political dicks such as Bob Barr, Bob Livingston and Asa Hutchinson. He even allowed some shriveled dicks like Henry Hyde and Strom Thurmond to get a little more circulation
Puck: This guy is the ultimate in media-driven dicks. The way MTV exploited the plight of AIDS-infected Pedro Zamora on "The Real World" in San Francisco was shameless enough. But by allowing ignorant bike-courier bigot Puck to harass poor Pedro was exploitation at its worst.
Geraldo Rivera and O.J. Simpson: When a vulture and a jackal come together, who wins? Rivera's nonstop Juice freakathon on CNBC put him on the map more prominently than 100 nose-bustin' Klan brawls ever could. Oh I forgot! Actually O.J. is a former federal prosecutor, which means he must have been a guest on Rivera's show the night of the crime. There's your alibi!
Saddam Hussein: The dick of the decade! He kills his own people, we bomb. He taunts us, we bomb. He develops loads of biological weapons, which he will soon aim at Israel, we bomb. Why is this dick still around? Every time he is on television (on CNN, of course) he is laughing, jovial and defiantly firing guns into the sky. Clinton could restore his legacy in a week if he could rid the world of this human penis.
-- Tim Fogle
Louisville, Ky.

_______________WHAT IS VICTORIA'S SECRET? BY COLEEN HUBBARD (02/08/99)

Coleen Hubbard complains that at Victoria's Secret "it's considered better to be a B than an A. Even better to be a C. Or a D!" Hubbard would do well to go into a Victoria's Secret before she makes such statements. In the large Midwestern city where I live, only one of the seven Victoria's Secret stores even stocks D-cup bras, and they have a much -- er -- smaller selection of styles in that size than in, say, Hubbard's B. The last time I was in the only Victoria's Secret store where I could buy a bra that fits me, I searched for half an hour without finding anything bigger than a C. Finally, I asked a clerk to help me find something black, red or dark purple. She led me over to a drawer labeled "D," filled with tangled, unsorted bras. "All we have is beige and white," she said. "Do you like cotton?" I left empty-handed. If I want underwear that looks like my grandmother's I can get it cheaper at Target. But hey, I'm lucky: If I wore a DD, Victoria's Secret wouldn't be interested in selling me anything!
-- Name withheld
In answer to Coleen Hubbard's question, unfortunately, seventh grade boys never grow up, and they continue to grade breasts until they die. That is why there was an ad for a live Webcast of the Victoria's Secret Spring Fashion Show during the Super Bowl last January aimed at every seventh grade boy and man in America. The site received so many hits that Victoria's Secret's Internet show crashed.
-- Rob Simon
Denver

_______________COMBOVER CONGRESS BY CYNTHIA HEIMEL (02/03/99)

In an otherwise excellent summation of congressional hair problems, Cynthia Heimel unfortunately neglected to mention the special contribution Delaware has made to the Senate. Like Sens. Dorgan and Lieberman, Joseph Biden also applies the combover trick to his clumpy implants, while Sen. William Roth wears the most hideous toupee on one of the emptiest heads in all of Congress. Our tiny state most closely resembles Liechtenstein in its laws and government, so we implicitly trust our rulers despite their hair; indeed, we love this sorry pair for their unself-conscious goofiness.
-- J.L. Wade
N E X T+P A G E+| Why ending "social promotion" won't cure what ails American schools

_______________DECADE OF THE DICK BY DEANNE STILLMAN (02/11/99)
	Deanne Stillman takes the phallic thing way too literally. Yes the '90s was the decade of the dick, but the real dicks are as follows: Newt Gingrich: Gingrich wanted to shove it up the ass of every minority, homosexual, immigrant and working stiff he could find with his "Contract With America." Only the loverboy in the White House had the balls to stop him. Gingrich also begat such smaller political dicks such as Bob Barr, Bob Livingston and Asa Hutchinson. He even allowed some shriveled dicks like Henry Hyde and Strom Thurmond to get a little more circulation Puck: This guy is the ultimate in media-driven dicks. The way MTV exploited the plight of AIDS-infected Pedro Zamora on "The Real World" in San Francisco was shameless enough. But by allowing ignorant bike-courier bigot Puck to harass poor Pedro was exploitation at its worst. Geraldo Rivera and O.J. Simpson: When a vulture and a jackal come together, who wins? Rivera's nonstop Juice freakathon on CNBC put him on the map more prominently than 100 nose-bustin' Klan brawls ever could. Oh I forgot! Actually O.J. is a former federal prosecutor, which means he must have been a guest on Rivera's show the night of the crime. There's your alibi! Saddam Hussein: The dick of the decade! He kills his own people, we bomb. He taunts us, we bomb. He develops loads of biological weapons, which he will soon aim at Israel, we bomb. Why is this dick still around? Every time he is on television (on CNN, of course) he is laughing, jovial and defiantly firing guns into the sky. Clinton could restore his legacy in a week if he could rid the world of this human penis. -- Tim Fogle Louisville, Ky.
_______________WHAT IS VICTORIA'S SECRET? BY COLEEN HUBBARD (02/08/99)
	Coleen Hubbard complains that at Victoria's Secret "it's considered better to be a B than an A. Even better to be a C. Or a D!" Hubbard would do well to go into a Victoria's Secret before she makes such statements. In the large Midwestern city where I live, only one of the seven Victoria's Secret stores even stocks D-cup bras, and they have a much -- er -- smaller selection of styles in that size than in, say, Hubbard's B. The last time I was in the only Victoria's Secret store where I could buy a bra that fits me, I searched for half an hour without finding anything bigger than a C. Finally, I asked a clerk to help me find something black, red or dark purple. She led me over to a drawer labeled "D," filled with tangled, unsorted bras. "All we have is beige and white," she said. "Do you like cotton?" I left empty-handed. If I want underwear that looks like my grandmother's I can get it cheaper at Target. But hey, I'm lucky: If I wore a DD, Victoria's Secret wouldn't be interested in selling me anything! -- Name withheld In answer to Coleen Hubbard's question, unfortunately, seventh grade boys never grow up, and they continue to grade breasts until they die. That is why there was an ad for a live Webcast of the Victoria's Secret Spring Fashion Show during the Super Bowl last January aimed at every seventh grade boy and man in America. The site received so many hits that Victoria's Secret's Internet show crashed. -- Rob Simon Denver
_______________COMBOVER CONGRESS BY CYNTHIA HEIMEL (02/03/99)
	In an otherwise excellent summation of congressional hair problems, Cynthia Heimel unfortunately neglected to mention the special contribution Delaware has made to the Senate. Like Sens. Dorgan and Lieberman, Joseph Biden also applies the combover trick to his clumpy implants, while Sen. William Roth wears the most hideous toupee on one of the emptiest heads in all of Congress. Our tiny state most closely resembles Liechtenstein in its laws and government, so we implicitly trust our rulers despite their hair; indeed, we love this sorry pair for their unself-conscious goofiness. -- J.L. Wade N E X T+P A G E+\| Why ending "social promotion" won't cure what ails American schools