I would marry Trey Parker if he lived in a box and his living consisted of cleaning windshields with spit and toilet paper. He is a brilliant, hysterical and damn sexy man.

-- Christine K.
Boulder, Colo.

Just writing to let Trey Parker know I'm available. I'm not a forensic scientist, but I do watch the "New Detectives" on Discovery and "Autopsy" on HBO. Nor am I a marine biologist, however, I have seen "Jaws" and I've been known to sit in front of the Animal Planet network (I'm also a big fan of "When Animals Attack.") If Trey's still at a loss about who to take to that big silly award show, tell him I look pretty hot in skimpy designer dresses. And by the way, the Union (the North) won the Civil War after crushing the separatist Confederacy of the South. I've even seen that Ken Burns documentary. I even liked it.

-- Kaarin Von

Just because Trey Parker got rich and famous by some random cartoon animation with patchwork drawings and overuse of juvenile profanity doesn't exactly mean he's the prize husband material for some "marine biologist." So you're worth 15 million and think answering "Who won the Civil War" is the smartest test for your future bride? Answer this Mr. Smarty-Pants: What is the value of your soul once you realize those millions mean absolutely nothing?

-- Erica Wiechers

When bad shows become truly abominable
(02/23/00)

Okay, so now that it's clear that she's unwilling to perform her duties, the crown goes to the runner-up, right?

Good Lord ... "I didn't know what I was doing." Did she happen to notice the title of the damn show?

-- Sean Medlock

I'm all for reality-based TV, and I think that the audience deserves the satisfaction of seeing these two publicity-hungry souls forced to live with the consequences of their short-sighted actions: make 'em live together -- if not for their happiness, for ours!

-- Bryan Gailey

Be fruitful and multiply
BY MICHAEL KRESS
(02/23/00)

If a woman becomes pregnant, a fundamentalist will assert that her situation is God's will and adamantly insist the pregnancy be carried to term. Yet these same fundamentalists are often willing to spend thousands of dollars and endure years of invasive medical techniques, some of which require the "sinful" behavior of masturbation in their quest for a child.

Since I am not a fundamentalist, I view infertility as nature's way of telling a couple they are not biologically fit for reproduction. When a couple seeks technological solutions to override this judgement, they set themselves against nature. Wouldn't a fundamentalist couple who makes the same decision be setting themselves against divine judgement and will of their own God?

-- SuZett Estell

I wish every infertile couple would give a lot of thought to their reasons for wanting children before going to extraordinary lengths to conceive. How much of this is genetic vanity? That child who needs to be adopted can be your kid just as much as one you give birth to.

I remember the mother of the septuplets in Iowa saying she'd never have considered abortion because her multiple pregnancies were "God's will." But the infertility that led her to take drugs to conceive WASN'T God's will?! Talk about having your cake and eating it too!

-- Pat Bryant

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