As I say to my own friends: Preach, girl! However, I am one of those nauseating moms you describe so aptly and that I dreaded becoming before I gave birth to the Most Wonderful Thing Ever to Happen on the Face of the Earth. I joked with friends while pregnant that I feared becoming one of "those" moms, yet (sigh) here I am.

I was in your shoes once and I'm sorry, you really don't understand. I am fascinated by my almost 2-year-old child. Others are not. I try to balance my fascination with other things that are happening in my life, but my daughter is one of the coolest works of art in progress I've ever seen and dammit, I'm excited.

One of my friends, now the mother of two teens, said that the best gift I gave her when her kids were little was my almost total disinterest in them. She told me it helped her remember that she was more than a mom. But it's a hard place to find balance.

So, I hear you. I hang out with other moms and we talk about our kids and I realize that this phase (I hope) will pass. In the meantime, be patient, and by the way ... how's your friend Hannah?

-- Karyn-Siobhan Robinson

Do you really think I am as interested in your job, your annoying boss, your series of boyfriends or girlfriends, what you are reading and thinking about as you are?

As your friend, I am.

Maybe I go on about my kids too much and maybe you go on about your career or your relationships or your mother too much. We can all be boring. But we need friends, not editors.

-- Susan Ochs-Scher

In her attempt to skewer obsessive parents, Lafayette succeeds, instead, in revealing herself as a specimen of the worst stereotype of the childless adult: selfish, narcissistic and permanently trapped in an adolescent insistence that her values and preferences must remain forever at the center of the universe.

Sure, some parents become unattractively focused on their children -- but most don't, any more than most childless people display the extremes of immaturity Lafayette exhibits in this nasty little piece. Like it or not, parenthood changes people in profound ways, just as maturing without children has a deep formative effect on a person's character. When Lafayette's acquaintances (they certainly weren't friends, based on her contempt for them) tried to explain to her the changes that came to them with parenthood, they weren't necessarily patronizing her. They may, instead, have been trying to share discoveries Lafayette couldn't have made on her own. This kind of communication isn't condescension -- it's friendship.

-- Catherine Murphy

Leslie Lafayette's article hit the nail on the head. I'm childless by choice, and also happy to be a brand-new aunt. People who assume that the child-free hate children, or will change their minds eventually about them, could not be further from the truth. I love my little niece to bits and am sure I will only love her more as she grows, but I'm not so blinded with adoration of this cute little baby that I suddenly must have one of my own.

I feel that my life's work is best served by my not bearing children. I'm happy the way I am, and tired of the condescension I face from others who just assume I'll magically change my mind once I meet the "right" man. I've met any number of men, all of whom seemed right at the time, and they haven't budged me toward maternity any more than my new niece has! Please, parents and would-be parents, learn to accept us child-frees for who we are and stop talking down to us; after all, we gladly extend the same courtesy to you.

-- Sabina C. Becker

I was both pleased and terrified to read this article by Leslie Lafayette. My wife and I have been married for eight years, during which time we've watched friend after friend fall victim to just the sort of child-centered myopia described. As soon as their children came, their own lives stopped and they could not understand our choice not to reproduce.

Now, we are days away from becoming parents and are scared silly that we might become the monster we've fought against. My wife and I make daily promises to each other that we will not allow our adult lives to end. We also promise each other that we will do our best not to bore others with an endless stream of child stories, nor will we say things like "just wait until you have kids," or "you'd understand if you were a parent." How obscene!

Unfortunately, we have few good models to show us how to remain dynamic in our own right. Similarly, parents who continue to pursue their own lives seem to be looked down upon, as if they are neglecting their child or denying baby something in order to pursue some selfish interest. This prejudicial standard seems to be unfairly projected toward mothers.

It is a shame that caring for one's children has turned into a mandate to abdicate adult life or face chastisement. If a parent's role is to teach his/her child how to lead a fulfilled life once on his/her own, then we do children a great disservice if we demonstrate that the only vehicle for fulfillment is child-rearing.

-- Nels A. Nelson

I am the mother of two young boys, and I'm also sick and tired of women who only want to talk about their children. While it's nice to briefly catch up on the latest exploits of our offspring, I would like to discuss something else once in a while. Anything. Even politics. So here's my proposition: I won't babble on and on about my kids if you won't babble on and on about yours. Deal?

-- Nancy Ott

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