Their invitation-only kickoff event will be Monday in New York, and they promise goody bags from the likes of Tenga, makers of "the best male masturbation aid on the market." It may not be a cocktail waitress, but it's a whole lot cheaper than a divorce settlment. Looking forward, the ladies also hope to "offer a private lesson for strip pole dancing one day or even offer to have a strip pole built in a home” for their clients. Of course they do.

Every relationship deserves regular nurturing and loving attention. So I'm asking – what are the guys doing in all of this, aside from jerking off into the Tenga Flip Hole? In her bio Silva says that "a successful woman is one that is equally amazing as a mother, a wife and a leader in her field," while Robbins echoes that "women are the rock, the heart, and soul of the relationships." That's right, once again, females are consigned to the role of gatekeepers of the out of control masculine libido, clinging hopefully to the stripper pole in exchange for his faithfulness.

Promoting "positive, healthy, sexy, rewarding, fun, and exciting relationships" is all well and good. But the idea that if we just try hard enough, we can buffer ourselves from the heartache of infidelity is kind of bullshit. Beautiful, sexy, smart women get cheated on every day, despite their best efforts. So while we're all for keeping the spark alive, we also note that there's something pretty sad about calling an organization "Off the Market" and having the term apply not to the women who it aims to serve, but the men they're trying to hang on to.

But, wait, there’s more! Come back tomorrow and you'll find another gift waiting for you – the second half of our favorite posts of the year. (There were just too many sparkling gems to choose from, if we do say so ourselves.) Think of it as an extended Christmas or an abbreviated Hanukkah. Today, we bring you our top picks under the subjects of reproductive rights and motherhood; tomorrow, it's sex, lies and scandal!

"Where Will Women Go Now?" by Kate Harding: After Dr. George Tiller's murder, women were left with nearly no place to turn for late-term abortions. The importance of this was underscored by the outpouring of personal stories from people who had been under his care. As one patient powerfully put it, his clinic was "our heaven when we were living in hell."

"The Conversion of a Pro-choice Warrior," by Tracy Clark-Flory: Abby Johnson, former director of Planned Parenthood's besieged clinic in Bryan, Texas, abruptly resigned from her job and joined forces with the very antiabortion protesters who had terrorized her for years. The 29-year-old talked to Broadsheet about her sudden "change of heart."

"10 Reasons Abortion Must Be Covered," by Lynn Harris: Anti-choice activists paint the issue of whether health insurance should cover abortion as a complicated issue, but we cut through the noise early on with a simple and straightforward guide to why it isn't complicated, and why denying coverage means denying choice.

"The Opium (and Lion's) Den of Motherhood," by Broadsheet staff: Katie Roiphe waxed poetic about the all-consuming love she felt during the first six weeks with her second child in a provocative essay in Double X, "My Newborn Is Like a Narcotic." (Provocative subhead: "Why won't feminists admit the pleasure of infants?") It turned out to be a bit of a Rorschach for us. Some thought it feminist backlash, others called it a moving paean.

"Lay Off Those Not-So-Glamorous Teen Moms," by Amy Benfer: A report finding that the teen birthrate had risen led to an attack on "romantic" and "glorious" portrayals of teen motherhood. But as former teen mom Amy Benfer points out, you can’t pin this one on "Juno," Jamie Lynn and Bristol Palin, whose stories, by the way, weren't the least bit "glamorous."

"Sarah Palin, One Tough Mama," by Amanda Fortini: When Palin resigned as Alaska governor, she left dropped jaws and question marks in her wake. But looking at her short, powerful public career offered an indelible lesson about the "appeal of the strong, confident, maternal woman." Being a "mama grizzly" doesn't exactly qualify one to be vice president, but "the tough mother persona was one we hadn't seen before in a female candidate running at the national level" -- and it's a trope that isn’t likely to disappear anytime soon.

But this year, with its list of finalists for Female Athlete of the Year, the Associated Press chose to honor an overlooked category of sportswomen, one definitely not (we hope, anyway) centered on fuckability: The equine division. No, I don't mean "equestrian" -- out of the top 10 vote-getters, two were horses. All of the male finalists, just in case you were wondering, were human.

Now, I don't doubt that Zenyatta and Rachel Alexandra are a credit to their sport -- in fact, Zenyatta was the first ever female horse to win the Breeder's Cup Classic, while Rachel was the first filly to win the Preakness since 1924. Way to bust the glass ceiling, gals! Nevertheless, I can't help noticing that they are not human, which -- call me speciesist -- is something I usually expect from an "athletes of the year" list. Perhaps if the AP folks had given the subject a bit more thought, they might instead have chosen to honor, say, Rosemary Homeister, who in 2009 became the second most successful female jockey of all time. Or, you know, any other two women in sports, leaving Zenyatta and Rachel to duke it out for Horse of the Year. Something more like that?

The AP's official pick for Female Athlete of the Year was announced today, and I'm happy to report that human being Serena Williams took the title, beating out the second place winner by 48 votes. You know who that was, though? Zenyatta! Kim Clijsters, Lindsey Vonn and Diana Taurasi, all of whom placed after the mare, can suck it, apparently. 

The good news for the runners up -- and other actual female athletes -- is that it seems Zenyatta won't be racing in 2010, so maybe more two-legged candidates will stand a chance next year. As long as they're hot, of course.

Here's the thing, though: The confessed killer will still be allowed to argue that he snuffed out Tiller to save the "unborn children" the doctor would have aborted. This could potentially pave the way for a lesser conviction like voluntary manslaughter, which is defined under state law as the "unreasonable but honest belief that circumstances existed that justified deadly force." Roeder's belief -- that it was necessary to kill Tiller to prevent the doctor from "murdering more babies" -- seems to meet those requirements. Unreasonable? Check. (Abortion is legal, remember.) Honest? Yep, there' s no doubt he's a man of strong convictions.

Isn't that nice? Potentially reduce your sentence to less than 10 years in prison by arguing: I unreasonably broke the law, yeah, but I really believed it had to be done. That said, the judge "might limit what the defense can say in opening statements, and indicated it would be difficult to allow testimony indicating Roeder was acting in defense of others because the law requires an 'imminent threat,'" according to the Los Angeles Times. However, the defense team previously requested a list of Tiller's clinic appointments scheduled for both before and after his death -- presumably to argue that there was indeed an "imminent threat."

We'll just have to wait and see when the trial kicks off on Jan. 11.

For what court documents described as instructing their three children "to lie to authorities as well as the media regarding this hoax" in order to "make the Heene family more marketable for future media interests," Richard Heene pleaded guilty last month to the felony charge of attempting to influence a public servant, while his wife Mayumi pleaded guilty to the Class 3 misdemeanor of false reporting to authorities. They also, as Mayumi's own lawyer told a Colorado judge today, "have reached the top ten lists of blunders of the decade."

The first to hear his fate was Richard, who told the court, "I do want to reiterate that I'm very, very sorry. And I want to apologize to all the rescue workers out there, and the people that got involved in the community. That's it." He was sentenced to 90 days jail time beginning January 11, 60 of which may be served under work release.

In a statement to the court, Mayumi's attorney Lee Christian asked for leniency for his client, who is not a citizen and could face deportation back to her native Japan for her crime. "She's a good wife, she has a marriage of 12 years," her lawyer said. " She is a good mother.  She has three kids that are doing well. ... She is smart, she is polite, she is kind. ... She does not have mental health problems.... All of these things would argue for no jail." Mrs. Heene waived her right to make her own statement.

After acknowledging that "Her offense is less serious than Mr. Heene's," Judge Stephen Schapanski ordered her to 20 days in jail, to be served after her husband completes his sentence, and which can be done nonconsecutively so her children have adequate care. Like her husband, Mayumi also gets supervised probation, community service and must write a letter of apology to her community. They also face up to $47,000 in restitution fees. But despite Mayumi's lawyer's argument that "The media has profited from this" and that "if the Heenes make any money from this it be diverted for legal fees," Judge Schapanski was quick to shut that down. "The court is going to order the condition of not profiting from this event," he said, adding that "it would simply allow them to benefit from the hoax."

Aside from the jail time and probation and the plain old disgust the Heenes earned in all of this, perhaps the best example of any justice in action is that while you and I can still make some bank from this whole dumb debacle, the ones who wanted most to profit from it can't.