We were intriuged this morning by the pronouncement that Tennis Fanhouse deemed Venus Williams -- and not her showier sister Serena -- the Female Player of the Decade. Coming soon after the Associated Press's crowning of Tiger Woods as Athlete of the Decade, with Lance Armstrong, Roger Federer, Michael Phelps, Tom Brady and Usain Bolt bringing up the rear, we wondered, what other female figures of note would be remembered for their contributions to sports this decade? Dara Torres? Candace Parker? Marta Viera? There's more to women in sports than the Williams siblings, right?
Sure there is. Women in sports equals hotness in sports!
A quick Google of "female athlete of the decade" and even "best female athlete of the decade" brings us this. Lots and lots of Alizee Paradis, "model." Want ESPN's "Hottest female athletes?" Want the women who "defined" the era with their hotness? Want more news about Tiger Woods? Easy peasy. Just search for female athletes. Want to read about women playing sports? Good luck. A little digging, however, does reveal Sports Illustrated's choices. It is, naturally, a photo spread.
In an article about the ban on military abortions that Broadsheet covered last week, Kathryn Joyce describes what it was like for a Marine named Amy when she became pregnant in Iraq: "Amy knew that if her pregnancy were discovered, she would be sent back to her home base at North Carolina's Camp Lejeune... She also knew she could face reprimands from her commanding officers for having had sex in Iraq (part of a broader prohibition on sex in war zones), and that she might not be promoted as a result: a potentially career-ending situation in the Marines, where failure to obtain regular promotions results in being discharged. Moreover, as a woman in the military, accustomed to proving herself to her male peers over her six-year career, Amy was wary of appearing a 'weak female.'"
Other pregnant service members have faced similar dilemmas, and now, for women serving under Army Maj. Gen. Anthony Cucolo in northern Iraq, pregnancy itself will be a punishable offense. Cucolo told the BBC the threat of a court martial for pregnant soldiers is intended to be a deterrent to unprotected sex. The policy will apply to both the man and woman involved in a pregnancy, even if they're married. "I've got a mission to do, I'm given a finite number of soldiers with which to do it and I need every one of them," Cucolo said. "So I'm going to take every measure I can to keep them all strong, fit and with me for the twelve months we are in the combat zone."
Unfortunately, this isn't just a matter of making sure married couples or consenting partners remember to use a condom. For starters, birth control occasionally fails. Then there's the fact that even if Cucolo claims men and women will both be punished for pregnancies, only one gender can plausibly deny any involvement in a given pregnancy; if a man swears he's not the father, what happens next? According to the American Pregnancy Association, "Paternity testing from an accredited laboratory typically costs between $400.00 and $2,000.00" -- who picks up the tab? -- and if testing is to be done before a baby is born, the woman will likely have to undergo an invasive procedure.
Most troubling, though, is the thought that women who, as Amy says she did, become pregnant by rape, will be court-martialed for it. As California Congresswoman Jane Harman wrote in the L.A. Times in 2008, "Women serving in the U.S. military are more likely to be raped by a fellow soldier than killed by enemy fire in Iraq." During a visit to a veteran's hospital, writes Harman, "My jaw dropped when the doctors told me that 41% of female veterans seen at the clinic say they were victims of sexual assault while in the military, and 29% report being raped during their military service." And "at the heart of this crisis," she says, "is an apparent inability or unwillingness to prosecute rapists in the ranks. According to DOD statistics, only 181 out of 2,212 subjects investigated for sexual assault in 2007, including 1,259 reports of rape, were referred to courts-martial, the equivalent of a criminal prosecution in the military."
That's when the rapes are reported. As Helen Benedict wrote in Salon in 2007, they often aren't. "Military platoons are enclosed, hierarchical societies, riddled with gossip, so any woman who reports a rape has no realistic chance of remaining anonymous. She will have to face her assailant day after day, and put up with rumors, resentment and blame from other soldiers. Furthermore, she runs the risk of being punished by her assailant if he is her superior."
So a woman who becomes pregnant after being raped faces serious personal and professional risks if she reports the pregnancy or the assault, let alone both; if the pregnancy is discovered, she'll be sent home; if she wants an abortion, she probably can't get one; and now, on top of all that, she might face a court-martial -- which her rapist, if reported, may or may not. And if the man responsible won't admit it, she'll have to go to further lengths to prove his paternity if he's to be eligible even for the same punishment she got.
If General Cucolo really means to keep all of his soldiers "strong, fit and with [him]," in the combat zone, then instead of cracking down on pregnancies, he should consider taking measures that might more seriously deter rapists from raping, or maybe even advocate for female soldiers to have access to abortion services. But I won't hold my breath. "Gen Cucolo told the BBC it was a 'black and white' issue for him." It's just a shame pregnant soldiers don't have the luxury of seeing things in such simplistic terms.
Oklahomans who believe in a little thing called the "right to privacy" can breathe a big sigh of relief, for now. Late Friday, a judge extended a temporary restraining order against a bill that would publish online extensive details about women's abortions. Now, enforcement of the law will be set aside until a February 19 hearing on its constitutionality, thanks to a lawsuit by the Center for Reproductive Rights. In a press release, staff attorney Jennifer Mondino said the organization is "very pleased with today’s ruling" because "women in Oklahoma should not have to jump through hoops to access legal medical care."
The loathsome law, which we've written about before, requires women to fill out a highly personal 10-page questionnaire before they terminate a pregnancy. In particular, the cross-examination focuses on the reason for the woman's decision to have an abortion. Answers are then posted anonymously on a state Web site that can be accessed by anyone -- next-door neighbors, parents, friends, you name it. Despite the results showing up without a name or address attached, it's still possible -- especially in a small town -- for women's identities to be discovered. Even the most amateur of detectives could visit the site and put together the various puzzle pieces -- age, marital status, race and approximate gestational age of the (note the bill's wording here) "unborn child subject to abortion."
The measure's anti-abortion bent is clear, but proponent Sen. Todd Lamb insists it's just a way to "collect hard data that can be a useful tool in helping prevent future unwanted pregnancies." But, as Linda Meek, executive administrator of the Tulsa clinic Reproductive Services, brilliantly told NPR, "If they want to reduce the number of abortions, then they need to concentrate on educating women about preventing unwanted pregnancies, educating them about emergency contraception, birth control -- and making birth control more accessible." Yes, if only they were actually interested in education and prevention.
An iPhone app released by Pepsi attracted harsh criticism a few months ago for a premise so blatantly sexist that it was eventually yanked from the store. But "Amp Up Before You Score," which doled out pickup lines pegged to 24 female stereotypes, is but a twinkling star in the galaxy of offensive apps that have snuck past Apple's notoriously stringent store guidelines. Without further ado, I present to you the five most sexist apps of the year.
PMSTracker: Unlike apps designed to help women keep track of their own menstrual cycle, this one is meant specifically for men. It "allows you to quickly track the approximate time each woman in your life has PMS" using a color-coded method that functions much like the U.S. government's terror alert system -- only it's red alert, severe chance of PMS attack!
Shake That Booty: This app allows you to manipulate an image of a woman's butt -- or, as the official app description calls it, "BOOTY!" -- by physically shaking your phone. Of course, this jiggle fest is presented as something that she desperately wants so players don't have to feel guilty. Look at that: Everyone wins!
Pole Dancing: "Get these hot girls to spin around a stripper pole by shaking your iPhone/iPod touch from side to side! Even better, clap, yell, make some noise and they will spin around at your command." Control her without even forming complete sentences -- just a few claps or grunts will do!
Michelle: She's your brand "new virtual girlfriend" and "can be who you want her to be." You can take Michelle "to the beach or pool and choose which bikini or bathing suit she should wear." Guess this one's for the guys whose parents never let them play with dolls.
iControl Her: Here's another riff on the apparent desire of many app developers to have complete power over virtual women. iControl Her is an actual remote that appears on the iPhone screen, with such clever buttons as "Stop Whining," "Clean" and "Give Me Beer." Here's an idea: Develop a remote for women with a button that reads, "Delete that app and stop being such a jerk."
My mom had a handy phrase for those moments when she realized she sounded exactly like Grandma: "My mother's in my mouth." As a kid who took everything too literally, I found that image downright frightening, and even now, I still wrinkle my nose involuntarily when I think about it. But I do think about it all too frequently, because every time I catch myself sounding mom-like, that's the inevitable next thought. "Nearly every parent has had that moment at which they open their mouths and sound just like their mother," writes Lisa Belkin at the New York Times' Motherlode blog today -- and my childless self is here to tell you, it's not just parents. But a recent survey commissioned by The Baby Website found that having kids only exacerbates the problem: "Eight out of ten of today's mothers admit they use the very same cliches to discipline their children that they had to endure from their own parents."
At the risk of reading too much into a marketing survey, what I find interesting about the results is that many of the top recycled parental admonishments listed by respondents (which, despite the British inflections, will mostly be familiar to Americans) seem to fly in the face of today's parenting standards -- at least as those are conveyed to the public by today's trend pieces. "Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about" (No. 17) seems an awfully harsh (and, one does hope, hollow) threat at a time when "shouting is the new spanking." "Do as I say, not as I do" (No. 20) seems a dangerous tactic to use in an era when mothers, especially, are judged narcissistic and unfit for such poor role-model behavior as drinking, dating, swearing or thinking about themselves for five minutes. And the number one classic, "Because I said so," contradicts everything the media has taught me about the perils of issuing commands rather than reasoning with small children. If people are really still saying these things to their kids, then I just don't know what to believe about the current generation of parents, which the New York Times has assured me is a "pregnancy-flaunting, soccer-cheering, organic-snack-proffering" one, with mothers who "warn, 'You're making bad choices' when, say, someone doesn't want to brush his teeth." Now you're telling me they actually sound just like the last generation of parents? That means I'll have to formulate a whole new set of smug judgments.
Kidding aside, while I relate to the surprise of realizing you just said something that annoyed the hell out of you when your mother said it twenty years ago (even if I haven't had the experience of annoying my own child that way) it bums me out a bit that it's so often presented as not just shocking, but horrifying. It's always, "Oh my god, I sound exactly like my mother!" not, "Huh, I guess one of Mom's lessons actually sunk in." Sure, some of the sayings could stand to be retired (do kids really find the promise of improved night vision a compelling reason to eat carrots?), but a lot of them have lasted because they're genuine bits of wisdom scaled to a kid's comprehension level. (I mean, would you jump off a cliff if all your friends did?) And moms don't say them because giving birth automatically turns women into short-tempered killjoys, but because they have the thankless job of teaching tiny human beings with "high mobility and no brains" (that's a direct quote from my mother) right from wrong, safe from unsafe, and appropriate from inappropriate. No matter what the current parenting wisdom is when you have kids -- and no matter how much technology and the cultural landscape have changed -- that task poses the same basic challenges generation after generation.
I may never say, "My mother's in my mouth" -- because, ew -- but nine years after my mom's death, I find it far more comforting than irritating to realize how much she's still there in my mind. Acknowledging that you're just like your mother is always presented as a depressing moment in a woman's life, but couldn't it be that some of us turn out like our moms because deep down, we think they did a pretty good job? Deep down, we might even think they're good people to emulate? If I ever have kids, I'm sure I'll do a lot of things differently than my parents did, but I'll tell you this much: If one of them wants an air rifle for Christmas, I already know what my response will be (No. 4).
Perhaps the one surprise left in the ongoing, slow motion, almost guaranteed to end in divorce court disaster that is the Tiger Woods scandal is that it's taken this long to turn it into a porn movie. Maybe it's because this story came with porn stars pre-installed.
While Holly Sampson revealed recently that her own adult version of the Tiger tale is "in the works," Adam & Eve Pictures are already on the job with an"official" porn parody, under the inevitable title "Tiger's Wood."
That's right, pornography is at last going to explore the issue of black men getting it on with well-endowed blondes. Adult star Tyler Knight, who's playing the title role, is currently merrily tweeting his updates from the set. And Kayden Kross, who's playing the Elin role, self-deprecatingly describes herself as "adding yet another blond pantyless spray tanned breakdown to the list." Potentially kookiest aspect of the whole thing? There's a buttoned-up Gloria Allred character -- though no word yet on whether she'll be on the receiving end of what the film refers to as his "long drive." All we do know is that at the rate Woods's conquests are coming forward, this thing had better have a cast of thousands.
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