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Last contest:

Winner
+ Yunah Kim
+ Acceptance speech

Runners Up
+ Leslie Goodman-Malamuth
+ Susan Guerrant

So you're lying there, knees open, feet jammed into stirrups, trying to think nice thoughts, as someone -- in these managed-care days it's often a complete stranger -- peers deep inside you, prodding, poking, oooing, ahhing. It's a fact of a girl's life: the dreaded, crinkly white paper-covered examining table at the gynecologist's office.

Some girlfriends just love their docs. They swap recipes during pap smears, talk politics while the speculum is inserted. But some of us have had some pretty horrifying moments while splayed on our backs. Take one mother we know who had the audacity to go into labor during her OB's lunch break. "You know, you totally messed up my day," he told her as she writhed in pain before his eyes. "It was my first break in hours." (Trust us -- he wasn't joking.) Seething, screeching, delirious from pain killers, she had the good sense to fire that wanker on the spot.

Then there was the OB who, while checking our friend's yeast infection, tactfully called out, "Eeewww, you're FULL of cheesy stuff." (Thanks, Doc.) "And it really smells, too." (Like she didn't know.) Or another friend who agreed to let a nurse practitioner-in-training examine her while the doctor looked on. My friend consented -- for the sake of science -- and endured moments of excruciating pain while the nurse's unpracticed, overzealous fingers prodded and scraped her insides.

This month we are asking you, dear sisters, to share your dreadful, painful, humiliating and acrobatic tales from the table. We want to hear all about those OB/GYNs from hell. Send your stories -- and they can be graphic! -- to dramaqueen@salonmagazine.com by Nov. 10, 1998.

As for the winners of the "worst meal your mother ever made" contest, click on the names in the left hand column. The queen and her court have revealed the less-then-savory dishes they have eaten -- no, make that endured.
SALON | Oct. 20, 1998

Drama Queen for a Day + Yunah Kim + Leslie Goodman-Malamuth + Susan Guerrant