T O D A Y

Drama Queen candidates
This won't hurt a bit

Contestant No. 1
Contestant No. 2
Contestant No. 3

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This Month's Drama Queen Candidates:
This won't hurt a bit
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The worst gynecological experiences known to woman.

Who knew that one simple request -- "Tell us about your most hellish gynecological experience" -- would elicit a record number of hilarious, painful, downright outrageous tales from around the world? Get a load of this: One gal's gyney examined her in front of an open window while a cabal of snickering construction workers gazed at her cervix. One woman had a speculum inside of her just as the great Los Angeles earthquake hit -- not exactly the vibrator she had in mind. One guinea pig was examined by a team of medical students who stared with disbelief at the chasm of pathological wonder before them. A few readers described contracted vaginal muscles sending speculums flying across examining rooms and several recounted the inappropriate remarks of their (male) docs -- "nice tan line" and "you sure are big." And one sensitive doctor insisted that his patient must be a nun since, at 23, she was not yet sexually active.

As you can imagine, it was excruciatingly difficult to narrow the entries down to just three finalists, but we think you'll find yourself nodding in understanding while reading these tales of woe. We salute all of our heroines who maintained their dignity (and humor) while spread eagle in nothing but earrings and a crinkly gown. May the chilling indignities so many of us have suffered at the clumsy hands of unsympathetic gynecologists not be in vain!
SALON | Nov. 17, 1998

Contestant No. 1 | Contestant No. 2 | Contestant No. 3 | Vote now!

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ILLUSTRATION BY KATHERINE STREETER