T A B L E++T A L K

Why do people get married, quickly have kids, then split up? Discuss disposable families in the Mothers area of Table Talk

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R E C E N T L Y

Go with the flow
By Jenn Shreve
A small, vocal group of women wants you to toss out your pads, tampons and liners and go -- no joke -- reusable
(11/30/98)

Thanksgiving
By Anne Lamott
If I can muster the love and patience it takes to deal with my mother, does it still count if my hands are trembling with rage?
(11/25/98)

Turkey fry
By Jennifer Reese
An old lover taught me the sexiest type of Thanksgiving cooking and how to do something sacrilegious and preposterous to a national symbol
(11/24/98)

Faraway, so close
By Debra Gwartney
Coming home causes my oldest daughter to withdraw into corners, turn her face and back up toward the door until she can run away again
(11/23/98)

"The Rugrats Movie"
By Andrew Leonard
These babies rule! A 4-year-old and her dad give the new "Rugrats" brand extension a big thumbs-up
(11/20/98)

BROWSE THE MOTHERS WHO THINK FEATURE ARCHIVES

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Mamafesto
By Camille Peri
Why it's time
for Mothers Who Think

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the men's room

INTO PUBLIC BATHROOMS.

BY DIANE LORE | In a low growl, I threatened my 4-year-old, Ian, that he would not see the finale of "Mulan" if he continued to talk loudly, throw candy wrappers and run up and down the rows at the theater. Ian called my bluff. Finally, I stood up, gathered the remains of the popcorn and hauled him out as he screamed repentance. As we exited, he made a final request: He needed to go potty. I made a quick scan of the empty auditorium before waving him toward the men's room.

Temporarily free of his mother's wrath, he gleefully swung open the door while I waited. But as I stood outside the door, another mother towing two children around Ian's age purposefully walked over to me. "What are you doing?" she said. I looked at her, dazed. "How could you possibly let your little boy go in there alone," she said, her voice steadily rising. "You should go get him right now." I didn't need this. I was already angry at my kid for being a brat and annoyed that I didn't get to see the end of the movie. (Disney, after all, is high drama for a single mom.) Just then, Ian reappeared with wet hands. I crisply turned and left the mother and her two children standing there.

Yet as I drove home, I wondered, had Ian been in danger? Was I pushing self-reliance too soon? My mother sided with me. Ian, she said, was not in harm's way. It was a Saturday matinee in a suburban theater, practically empty, and I was standing outside the door. But my best friend, who has a 5-year-old son, was stunned. "You did what??" Jennifer said, aghast, before pointing out that her son had never been in a men's restroom alone and probably wouldn't for another year. Alma, a co-worker and mother of two sons, said she normally wouldn't let her oldest, also 4, go alone. But if forced to, she would prefer a crowded restroom than one with only a couple of men. The reason? More witnesses. Another co-worker, who had also worked as a camp counselor for herds of little boys, disagreed. Fewer men, fewer problems, she reasoned.

I had stumbled upon one of those points of conflict among mothers about what is best for the kids. I discovered I weigh the safety of a situation on a pretty shallow belief system: If people look and act like me, the restroom is OK. I deemed the matinee's bathroom safe because there wasn't much traffic and the men in the theater were dressed in pressed khaki Dockers. Yet I deem the bathrooms in Marta, Atlanta's public transit station, unsafe because there are too many transients and there's too much of an urban feel. As a reporter who has written about sexual abuse, I should know better. Safety cannot be determined by Dockers or Karl Kanis.

N E X T_ P A G E: There is a potential for danger