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T A B L E_T A L K
What makes you cry? Join a discussion of this all-too-human expression in the Mothers Who Think section of Table Talk
R E C E N T L Y Remembering Carole Sund Tell me the truth Breed old, die late and leave a beautiful brain "Jungle Book" fever A life without play dates - - - - - - - - - - BROWSE THE MOTHERS WHO THINK FEATURE ARCHIVES - - - - - - - - - - Mamafesto
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ONE BIG DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY | PAGE 1, 2, 3
You talked about how you were able to learn to read in six weeks at the Synanon schools but you hadn't been able to do that in two years at the public schools. What was it about the Synanon schools that were so much better for you? The regular public school system just wasn't working for me. I was just one of those high-maintenance children with an agenda, and a really creative flair. The thing I just couldn't get used to in public schools was the rigid period bell. Ring -- that bell goes off and everyone darts out of the classroom. When I was in art class, I would just start to get going and that bell would go off and I would just lose it. And the following class was reading, and I would be in such a bad mood that I would refuse to read. So they thought there was something really wrong with me. I would throw these huge fits. If I was going to stay in public school, I was going to be in Special Ed the next year, because they just didn't know what to do with me. Synanon was like summer school, it seemed too fun. There were bean bags and a pet rat or a snake. We'd study the growth of an embryo. We had a whole science lab. What really helped me learn to read was they encouraged my creative side and rewarded good behavior. Somehow my artistic qualities were combined with a reading game, and that ended up being very fun, because I loved to tell stories and draw pictures. We played a game with 3-by-5 cards that had a word on every card -- these people called "demonstrators" would sit down and say, "So what kind of story do you want to tell? " And I'd say, "I want to tell a story about a mermaid, who comes out of the water." So OK, "mermaid," let's find the card for mermaid. Then I would be writing this story. I loved it! Then you read it at the end in front of the class. I was a creator, and I was learning to read. Whatever problems I was having in public school were cleared up that quickly. I went into the high school when I was about 12 and a half. They wanted to make sure we knew about the outside world, so every student in high school had to have a subscription to Time magazine and each week we had to read it cover to cover as part of our curriculum. I remember skimming through some stuff because it didn't apply to my immediate life and it bored me. I'm 12 years old, I don't want to read about the Vietnam War. The scene in which you are singled out for this mind game exercise designed to break your will is chilling. That really happened to you. Why do you think they singled you out? Russian roulette. It was an ambush. I think they wanted to make an example that would frighten all of us beyond anything that we were feeling comfortable with. Then, I thought I was really messed up; I thought it was me. Looking at it now, I think they just wanted to single out a child who thinks that her shit don't stink and make a point . They were trying to get us spiritually cleansed. We were just sour, bratty high school kids like anywhere else. But in Synanon this was not acceptable to have kids with attitude problems. The past reputation of this high school was kids who score above average on aptitude tests and kids who are learning trades and working hard and understanding what it is to be grateful. At the same time, I guess, they're missing the elements of childhood. Synanon's standards were high for our upbringing. But the general attitude of the school had started to slip. I can't speak for the people who did what they did to me and why they did it. I think they did that experiment to me because they thought it was for my own good. People do things to you and think they're doing it for your better character and they do it out of love, which is the weirdest, most shocking thing. Did you see that movie "Shine"? You see how the father repressed his son and said, "You're not going away from the home. We were in Auschwitz, the home is where the family is. I can't allow you to go away to music school." Just beat him down, brutally. But there was another side to it: The father thought he was doing the best thing for his child, to keep the family together that came out of a concentration camp. Am I angry with some of these people? Sure. And I know that what they did wasn't right. But I can understand in a bigger sense, looking back at the big picture, why they thought they were doing something good, to get me in shape and get me working hard and wanting to take care of other kids and look at myself, examine myself. In the show it was clear that this group was definitely your family, and you couldn't walk away from them. But you had mixed feelings about the group, because you were trying to maintain your bonds with your sister and your mother, and the group separated you from them. That was very hard to get used to, because I was used to having my way and having my mom. It was easier for children who were born in Synanon, as a lot of children were. They were raised with the idea that they would have other mothers and would get to see their biological mother sometimes. But when you're separated midstream, it's brutal. When I moved in, I wanted to be on my best behavior because it was a new place. As I got used to it, my bratty elements came out. Once I got in trouble and I was banned from being with my mother for maybe a month. I don't even know how to describe it. It was awful. Sometimes a child who was complaining and whining about wanting his parents too much was put on a ban from his parents. They tried to soften it for the "banned" kids, I guess, by making sure that on the weekends, when a parent would take his own kid out, the kid would have to bring a buddy, another child whose parents were somewhere else. So that other kids would get a chance to go out. N E X T_ P A G E: Synanon marriage: Everybody change partners |
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