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T A B L E++T A L K What do you do when you're out of ideas for ways to entertain your kids? Vent frustrations and exchange tips in the Mothers area of Table Talk - - - - - - - - - - R E C E N T L Y The Merry Recluse Mulatto millennium Second Thoughts The face of Zorro Zorro vs. Tarzana BROWSE THE MOTHERS WHO THINK HOT FLASH ARCHIVES - - - - - - - - - - Mamafesto
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SINS OF THE FATHERS | PAGE 1, 2, 3
The marriage must have changed your relationship with your sister profoundly. Yes. She was eight and a half years older than me. It was very, very hard for her. She didn't know how the first wife typically feels, as no one had talked to her about it. She became depressed. She was angry, hurt and jealous. We talked about it at the time, but it was still hard. In polygamy, the first wife thinks she's going to live "God's law" by having a "sister-wife," and it turns out to be hard. So my sister blamed herself for not being able to please God. They'd had three children and she got pregnant again just three months after I married him. Did your sister attend your wedding? Oh yes. The first wife gives the second wife to the husband; the second gives the third, and so on. It's a religious ceremony. The ceremony is seen as validating the "celestial marriage" for all eternity. The term polygamy actually refers to having more than one spouse. I don't suppose a woman ever took several husbands? Gosh no! (laughs) Now you were in the marriage for 34 years and you had eight children in the space of 13 years. It sounds like you must have almost always been pregnant. Yes, I had six girls and two boys. At one point I had three children in the space of three years and two days. And my sister had six children. So you didn't use birth control? Oh no! Oh don't ever do that! You don't want to stop any of those little spirits from coming here to earth. You should have as many children as you possibly can. Some people probably practice it, and I thought about the rhythm method. But as my doctor said to me, "You know what they call people who use the rhythm method? Parents." How did you work out who spent the night with the husband? We all lived together for 11 years in the same household, then I lived elsewhere and he commuted between the two of us. We alternated nights and I was dutiful and never refused him. It was very formal and sterile because my relationship, my marriage to him, had to be secret because it was illegal. My kids -- like quite a few other kids in our church -- didn't even know who their father was. It wasn't even known at first within the Kingston group because the group had been investigated by a grand jury in 1959 for polygamy, and I think welfare fraud, so it was all relationships were secret. It seems so stupid now. I'm ashamed and embarrassed. We were so obedient to the organization, so loyal, and we kept all the secrets. When your children asked about their father, what did you tell them? I told them he was in the Army. When I think about it now it was such a terrible thing to say. It was cruel because they kept expecting he would come home sometime and be their father. They imagined all these wonderful things about him. They certainly didn't like the man they thought was their uncle -- who in fact was their real father. He reprimanded them so much and never showed any love or affection. My oldest daughter still doesn't like him at all. Your sister became depressed after you married. Was it easier for you as the second, younger wife? Well, I was very strong. I'd grown up competing with four brothers. I was able to do it, but I was so very lonely. I had no affection, no attention from this man. Intimacy was never talked about. I remember I'd shower at night and I'd just cry in the shower so no one could hear me then. It was horrible. I never had male companionship. I never loved him. When I was pregnant he wouldn't even ask when the baby was due. Never a word. What about your family's financial situation? Poverty is common in polygamist families because there are so many children -- the wives are almost always pregnant or nursing. And your church practiced consecration, whereby group members pooled their income with the church, although you could withdraw some if you could prove you needed to. You also paid a 10 percent tithe. In fact, it's not uncommon for polygamous wives to need welfare and to qualify for it as single mothers, which they usually are in legal terms. We were so poor, I used to watch other people's children for 32 cents an hour and collected aluminum cans and pop bottles for extra money. I was on and off food stamps for more than 10 years. I baby-sat my sister's children. The men usually think that each wife should bear as many children as possible, regardless of whether they can support them. And you're always pregnant. Our church requires you to produce as many children as possible, because little spirits are waiting to enter the world, via a male-female union, so they can be sent on their eternal path upwards and one day become Gods over their own worlds. I began to become aware of a real discrepancy between the spirituality of polygamy -- that it's the ideal marriage -- and the poverty and abuse that polygamous families actually live with. It's demented. Isn't the Kingston group affluent enough? It's been estimated that their business empire is worth up to $150 million. In fact, in the last high-profile case involving the Kingstons, in 1983, the then-leader, John Ortell Kingston, was estimated to have assets of some $70 million. That came out because the state had sued him for massive alleged welfare fraud. It was charged that he had four wives and 29 children who had collected hundreds of thousands of dollars in public assistance over a 10-year period. [Editor's note: The case was settled out of court. Kingston repaid $250,000 and did not have to take court-ordered paternity tests.] Yes, the Kingstons have money, but they use members as virtual slave labor. The money was for God, so it was invested in businesses so the Kingdom of God could grow. We were working for less than minimum wage. At one point the state stepped in, so after that we had to pretend we got minimum wage even though we weren't. We weren't supposed to complain or question the church authority or God would disapprove. It's a big scam. N E X T+P A G E: Wife-swapping, ménage à trois and pornography |
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