Read "A Woman Needs a Repairman," by Ayelet Waldman, and the letters in response.

Reading the letters to the editor in response to "A Woman Needs a Repairman," we learn that A) men love to fix things and girls don't; and B) "Jews don't fix things -- they hire people." OK, fine, who am I to question such wisdom; but as a friendly Jewish feminist, I find such blithe generalities troubling. My husband is better trained than I in electronics and computers, but so what? I have training in business and in proofreading. He fixes computers, I proofread his correspondence. He cooks. We share cleaning. I change my own light bulbs, and because my father (of blessed memory) was a handyman, I'm familiar with a few basic repairs. And I've never heard any of my Jewish friends or relatives say that the role of "goyim" is to work for Jews -- I come from a working-class Jewish background and had plumbers, carpenters and opticians in the family. And I've also seen firsthand (and from my own experience) how young girls who do show an interest in technology are often criticized or ignored. I wrote about it in my most recent book, and I can provide many examples.

The problem of gender roles defies easy answers, and it certainly defies stereotypes. But I am a feminist even if I wasn't trained to repair a computer or fix a car. Feminism is a philosophy about equal opportunities and mutual respect, and believe me, we still have a long way to go in that regard.

-- Donna L. Halper

Conrad Spoke says in his letter, "One of modern feminism's greatest failings is its refusal to deal with women's instinctual technology avoidance. Most boys are taught, quite rightly, to look forward to their fair share of parenting and housecleaning. Girls are still being taught that technology is a 'guy thing.' They are taught this by the same middle-aged women who step aside and do nothing while men fix the office copy machine." To this I say, Hahahahahaha! What world does this guy live in?

After I graduated from college and worked as an office assistant, I constantly fixed the copy machine while the men who worked in the office stood by helplessly -- and I'm not one someone who has an instinctual knack for that kind of thing. I take my husband's car and my car to the mechanic (who I researched and found), I change the light bulbs in our house, and I installed the DSL line and maintain our computers. This weekend a friend of mine retiled her bathroom as a surprise for her husband who was away on business. She also is not someone who has a natural ability for home repair; she just learned it after she and her husband bought a fixer-upper.

Also, once again, why are people so up in arms about this column? I simply read it as a reflection on the roles we take up and discard when we go from being single to being part of a couple. Why all of the vitriol toward Ayelet Waldman?

-- Sarah Whitney

I am a dad who works in an office, and my wife is the handy-person in our household. She has worked construction jobs, painted houses, and runs her own home-improvement consulting business, in addition to co-raising our two ornery children.

She knows more about fixing stuff that I will ever know, or care to know. Anybody that says this is a gender issue is missing the boat.

-- Dave

It seems to me there's something missing in both Ayelet Waldman's column and the letters responding to it.

There are a lot of women who haven't got either the in-home repairman, or the wherewithal to pay the non-wedded one. Some of us, like it or not, change our own light bulbs, never mind shoveling our own snow, mowing our own lawn and hanging our own doors. It's called being single but living in an economy where two incomes are required for a comfortable life.

-- Marion Goodrich

Ayelet Waldman, and her letter-writing supporter Lori Oliwenstein both embody a group who seem miserably unconscious about their station, substituting a sense of entitlement rooted in their middle-class existence for character qualities that might be comical if they weren't posed as representative of something deeper. Where Waldman uses feminism as an excuse to whine, Oliwenstein exploits Jewish identity to suggest we buy into her flatulent lifestyle ("Oy, I can't do this, hire someone else). Actually, Waldman goes the "it's cause I'm Jewish" route, as well. If I were a feminist, I'd tell Waldman to stop throwing herself out as a model of anything other than herself.

Since I am a Jew, I can only hope Oliwenstein's children meet other Jews outside her universe. Here's what she may want to avoid. Years ago as a kid, my parents sent me to spend summers on a Montana farm. My father had grown up working on farms, as had his grandfather in Poland. I was one of two Jews there. The other shared Oliwenstein's take on work. He was a sweet but lazy 12-year-old. Ask him to pull his weight hoisting hay bales, and he'd play sick. One time Jack, the old man of the farm, pulled me aside. "There are two kinds of Jews," he said. "Jews and kikes. You're a Jew, that Joe is a kike." I didn't much care for Jack's compliment, as it was praising with damnation. You could sense something a bit ugly there. But let's say that had an anti-Semite said what Oliwenstein wrote -- folks would be all over them. As they should. But since working on that farm, I've understood the logical growth of some anti-Semitism driven by popular stereotypes that are supported by attitudes spouted by non-Jews, as well as Jews like Oliwenstein.

I don't crave physical labor but I do love building things. And fixing things. So do many Jews I know. I spent five years in construction. My first boss was Jewish, and his father was a Brooklyn longshoreman. Today, two of my best friends work in construction and are Jewish. And yes, they do more than give orders. While I have Jewish friends in what would be considered typical "Jewish professions," they are no more representative of my total experience with Judaism than with other friends. When I hear the thoughts espoused by Oliwenstein or Waldman, I can think of two things. First, of the scorn of people for the entitled that leads to ugly terms like "kike" and the cynicism about feminism. Then I think of a great Yiddish word: "drek." Both women are certainly free to live as actively or inactively as they want. But what they're doing is not genuine reflection; it's attempting to turn the rest of the world into enablers.

-- Jonathan Field

I love that Ayelet Waldman brings up these issues, and gets people writing. Marriage is no longer a set of standardized tasks but a question of figuring out who is good at what. The "men are good at this and women are good at that" approach is so old school! I am a feminist and I want my boyfriend to be able to carry me over his shoulder if necessary (which might be soon as we are having a baby in six weeks). We also both prefer the DIY approach, but are occasionally smart enough to know when to call for help. It so happens that my boyfriend is a much better cook than I am. It took us a while to figure that out (about the fourth time I burnt dinner while getting distracted with my son's homework and the telephone ringing). He is also an amazing carpenter, can lift all kinds of heavy stuff, and effortlessly remembers where we parked. On the other hand, I organize better, I am good at fixing smaller things, I at least remember to pay the bills, and for the moment I have a better-paying job. I suspect that when the baby comes, we'll both be doing the diapering and lullabying. It's a modern world and the old rules are out the window! Which leaves us stumbling along while we sort out what was our parents' way and what is truly ours.

-- Kiki de los feliz

What is wrong with people? Wake up, it's the 21st century! Not only do women write entire columns about not wanting to fix shit, but also outraged anti-feminists can pen scary, long lists of grievances that are hilariously silly. I've had plenty of drinks bought for me at bars, but never, ever have I expected it to happen. Sometimes I even decline them. I change light bulbs and fix washing machines and change the wiper blades on my car. I'm a database designer and a librarian and a total wuss when it comes to spiders.

My fianci does laundry. I clean up litter boxes and cat barf. He mows the lawn, I weed. We both weatherproof the deck. I get groceries; he drops off/picks up the laundry. I sweep, he vacuums. We both take out the trash. He cooks, I do the dishes. It goes on.

It isn't hard. It's a matter of negotiation and convenience and a dose of humor. A little flexibility wouldn't hurt.

-- Juliane Schneider

I would just like to address the insane and damaging stereotypes presented by Conrad and Lori in the letters responding to Ayelet Waldman's article. To Conrad: I know not a single technically challenged person among any of my female friends and family.

I myself take great pleasure in carpentry and in understanding the workings of my car. I do not like housework. I like to fix things and I am not rare.

To Lori: I was born into the tribe but prefer to live out of it, primarily because of Jews like yourself who live out ridiculous stereotypes instead of challenging them. I come from a family of do-it-yourselfers. We do not hire unless forced to against our will. So there.

-- Heidi Bortner

First, note to Lori Oliwenstein: Your grandmother would not have referred to your former brother-in-law as "a goyim" unless her Yiddish was atrocious: "goyim" is plural; the word you're looking for is "goy."

And to Susan May, while I applaud your optimism, I'm appalled by the notion that people are still -- in 2005, yet! -- running around with the notion that there exists such a thing as a "true feminist" (and that, by extension, there are necessarily "fake feminists"). Who exactly are the council members who determine the definition of "true feminism"? And who elected them? Cause I gotta tell ya, I didn't get my ballot, and I'm pissed.

For what it's worth, I don't think feminism has anything to do with whether you change your own light bulb or fix your own toilet or do your own taxes. You don't lose your membership in the Feminists Club if you hire Ralph or Edna down the street to come by with a plunger, any more than guys give up the right to display the Boy License if it's revealed that they're great cooks. In other words, feminism -- and this is merely by my way of thinking, rather than having anything to do with that ludicrous concept, "True Feminism" -- has zip to do with what you do, and everything to do with your right to choose to do it. Yes, you can be a feminist and wear lipstick, dig submissive sex, and/or hire someone (or nag your partner) to fix the damn toilet. It's all about recognizing that some of us are good at some things, other at other things, and that which way we button our jackets has little to do with determining which things we'll be good at.

-- Bookseller

Wow, all you heterosexual ladies should try being a lesbian for 15 minutes. What's even worse, you should all try being working-class lesbians. That way, your furniture would have to come from Ikea and you'd fumble for hours with no man there to put it together.

Whatever crazy anti-feminist decided that feminism is all about choices was sorely mistaken.

You see, there is no choice in feminism. There's supposed to be equality in feminism. Nope, you can't choose the big diamond ring. No, none of that stay-at-home mom crap for you. And, by the way, keep your damn maiden name, unless you are changing it to something entirely non-patriarchal.

The choices you all are making in the name of feminism are just huge misunderstandings. Here's to decades more of them, while we erode all of the progress we've made!

-- Renee McGarry

As adults we perform the tasks that we learned to perform competently as children growing up. My father was a builder and, in the winter, plowed snow, shoveled snow, etc. He had three girls who, as teenagers, worked with him. We all learned how to frame a house, wire a house, plumb a house, change a tire, put snow chains on a very large vehicle, plow snow, etc. We also helped our mom with the general household tasks. I hated all of the indoor tasks, except cooking. One of my sisters hated the construction work. As adults all three of us girls, in our marriages, are just as likely or more likely than our husbands to perform the construction type tasks (e.g., casing windows, molding, building a book case, etc.). My husband's father also took work as an electrician, general fix-it-up person and took his kids with him. Thus in our marriage, either of us is just as likely as the other to do the tasks. Both of my sisters, however, married men who did not learn the fix-it-up art growing up, and they both take on that role in their families. In short, we do the tasks in our marriages that we are most competent to do. These tasks have nothing to do with inherent gender differences; they have to do with what we learn as kids. So all you parents out there, make sure you're teaching your girls to put together your bookcases, use a hammer, and fix a running toilet and your boys to do laundry, wash dishes and cook dinner.

-- Barbara Miller