The Blonde Legal Defense Club, which was originally created to fight prejudice against blond lawyers and now champions the rights of blonds in all walks of life, recently decreed July 9, 2001, as the first annual National Blonde Day.

The holiday's spokeswoman, Fern Magnin, released the following statement in what appears to be all seriousness:

"For years we've had to endure untold hardships," Magnin said. "It's a dirty, unspoken truth, but it's a real problem. Everyone's heard blonde jokes. People (especially male people) assume you're a bimbo. It's like you're a sculpture -- pretty to look at but unable to speak or think. Well, I can change a light bulb on my own, thank you very much. We're not going to stand for it anymore."

Thank you very much, Ms. Magnin, for opening our eyes to this grievous injustice; our hearts go out to lunch. But while we agree that people (especially bimbonic people) who can change a light bulb on their own deserve our respect and support, we take issue with this characterization of sculptures as "pretty to look at." What about ugly sculptures, Ms. Magnin? What about them? (Send donations to Bimbos for the Ethical Treatment of Statues, care of Communiqué.)

According to the Blonde Legal Defense Club's Web site, Elle Woods founded the organization while studying at Harvard Law School in an effort to fight the legal community's assumption that she "wasn't anything more than something pretty to look at." The legal community could not be reached for comment.

"We aren't taken seriously," says Woods, doing her part to keep it that way. "As crazy as it sounds, it's assumed we're not viable in the courtroom, that we slept our way to law degrees, which is completely unfair. Where is it written that an attorney should have flat, unconditioned, mousy brown hair?"

The law is fuzzy on that point.

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Coffee, tea or me in Givenchy?

The Transport and General Workers Union got its coveralls in a twist last week, when British Airways announced that Givenchy's Julien MacDonald, the "Welsh wizard of knit," will design the airline staff's new uniforms. According to Fashion Wire Daily, the union is concerned that MacDonald will transform the carriers' in-flight crews from dour air waiters into flying sex objects.

Unless MacDonald has been asked to crochet the fleet's guidance systems, we don't see how his putting "sexiness before safety" really makes a difference. Maybe the union fears a bombshell threat.

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Meanwhile, back on Earth, another Mac attack is taking place.

As knit-wizard MacDonald prepares to endanger the lives of passengers with his reckless use of lamb's wool, animal activist and Gucci designer Stella McCartney bites the hand that feeds her.

The fashion community, known for its tolerant attitude toward blonds, is lambasting McCartney for her involvement in a short film that depicts the brutality of animal slaughter, reports Fashion Wire Daily.

"Oh, please, how can she be in business with Gucci while posturing in this overly dramatic way?" Karl Lagerfeld said in an interview with the British press. "It's grotesque. She has plenty of her own money. If she finds their reliance on fur and leather so objectionable, why does she take their money and trade on their reputation to advance her own career? It's deeply hypocritical of her and she's making both herself and Gucci look ridiculous. Everyone knows Gucci has made zillions of dollars by working with leather."

It's true. "Fine Italian pleather goods" just doesn't have a good Gucci ring to it.