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R E C E N T L Y

Reading between the whines
By Inda Schaenen
The sevenfold path to coping with seven-step parenting manuals
(12/01/97)

EGGNOG DENIED | PAGE 2 OF 2

Lord, how I have tried to get an audience for my eggnog. A couple of times I've offered to bring a big vat of it to my mother-in-law's annual family party. "But you're a young working mother with lots of responsibilities," my mother-in-law said one time, or something like that. "You're already bringing a dessert. Don't worry yourself about making eggnog." Another time my father-in-law put the kibosh on my eggnog offer. "But if it's got alcohol in it, Kate," he said, sounding alarmed, "the kids can't drink it! Not to mention the raw eggs. You better let us take care of the eggnog." Meaning, of course, the store-bought, unctuous eggnog in cartons -- safe for all and perfect for children, moderately drinkable by adults with a good stiff fortification of hard liquor and a sprinkle of nutmeg, but not in the same league as my homemade eggnog. Which I defiantly make every other year or so despite social rejection, maybe cutting the recipe by three quarters if I'm in a realistic frame of mind. I'll have a cup late at night while I sit on the living room rug by myself trying to disentangle ornament hooks after everyone else in the house has lost interest in decorating the tree and gone to bed.

My eggnog, I must confess, isn't really my own recipe but is instead a modified, personalized version of the esteemed Irma Rombauer's. It goes by the truthful if unromantic title "Eggnog in Quantity" and what it lacks in lyricism it makes up in sheer quantity of alcoholic ingredients. In fact, what I like second best about this recipe is Irma's introductory note to the cook (this is the 1964 edition -- who knows what if anything is said about eggnog in the new "Joy"): "Some people like to add a little more spirit to the following recipe, remembering Mark Twain's observation that 'too much of anything is bad, but too much whiskey is just enough.'"

What I like best about this eggnog is that it is absurdly, extravagantly rich and delicious and it takes a whole year to recover enough to want it again. You can feel your arteries seizing up as you drink it -- which you can't do exactly, because it's too thick. You have to sort of eat it, swirling your cup around a bit to loosen it up, and after you take a sip you have to discreetly wipe the foamy mustache off your face. Even the most rabid eggnog fiend will only be able to down two cups of this without falling into a slurring cholesterol stupor, so you have to make it with a large group in mind, and one that isn't eating an obscene, sit-down feast at the same time. Eggnog to accompany the unwrapping of presents would be nice, or to warm up a caroling party, or as one of the desserts (served in a cut glass punch bowl, of course) at a buffet. That's what I'd do if I could. And it would be glorious, a triumph. I just know it.

Eggnog in Quantity
Adapted from "The Joy of Cooking"
serves approximately 20

12 eggs, separated
1 pound confectioner's sugar
4-6 cups bourbon (or rum)
2 quarts whipping cream
pinch of salt
freshly grated nutmeg

1. Strain the egg yolks through a sieve and beat until light in color. Gradually add the sugar. While continuing to beat, slowly add 2 cups of the bourbon. Cover the mixture and let stand for 1 hour to dispel the "eggy" taste.

2. Add 2-4 more cups of liquor and the cream, beating well. Cover and refrigerate the mixture for 3 hours.

3. Beat the egg whites until stiff but not dry. Fold them into the other ingredients. Grate nutmeg to taste into the eggnog and fold it in. Serve with an additional sprinkling of nutmeg over each serving.
SALON | Dec. 2, 1997