Hail Caesar Salad!
Our surreal chef whips up a Caesar salad fit for the gods,
not to mention the goddesses.

in recognition of the ides of March, I am rechristening "Chez Bob's Caesar Salad" the "Hail Caesar Salad." This is my all-time most popular recipe. And while I certainly can't take credit for its creation, I have learned to articulate the subtle variations in ingredients and the manner in which they are assembled in a way that makes or breaks a Caesar. A college buddy who prepared it table-side at a fancy restaurant with lots of mahogany and comfy romantic booths taught me this version in 1980. Since then, I have probably made 500 Caesars. In fact, I carry my own well-warn salad bowl with me in a snare drum case when I am on the road (encouraged by the fact that flight attendants frequently mistake me for a drummer). Over the years I have received many letters from readers who have mastered the dressing and been deified by their friends. The ultimate compliment came from a waitress in Toronto who took me aside and whispered, "Every time I make your Caesar salad for a date, I get laid." Caesar should have been so lucky. HAIL CAESAR SALAD (Serves 6) Ingredients 1/2 teaspoon salt 1 teaspoon coarsely ground black pepper 3 garlic cloves, minced 2 anchovies (or 1 teaspoon anchovy paste) 1 tablespoon Dijon mustard (the real stuff, not the dried stuff) 1 egg yolk, coddled* 1-1/2 tablespoons freshly squeezed lemon juice 1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce 1/3 cup safflower oil 1-1/2 teaspoons red wine vinegar 1-1/2 medium-large heads romaine lettuce, outer leaves discarded, remaining leaves washed and thoroughly dried 2 cups croutons 1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese 1. Add the first 8 ingredients to a large unvarnished wooden salad bowl, in order, one at a time. Beginning with the garlic, after adding each new ingredient use the back of a soup spoon to grind it against the wall of the bowl and blend it with the previous ingredients into a smooth paste. It should take about 15 seconds of muscle power to blend in each new ingredient. Yes, Caesar salad making will soon be an Olympic sport. 2. Add the oil and vinegar and blend well. 3. Just before serving, tear or slice the lettuce leaves into bite-sized pieces and add to the salad bowl. Toss thoroughly with dressing. 4. Add the croutons and cheese, toss again, and serve. Le Secret : Use imported Italian Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese, grated just before tossing. This rich, earthy cheese is soooo flavorful that roaming dinner guests tend to circle the wedge like hungry sharks and will devour it the second you turn to spin-dry the lettuce. Adventure Club : Make your own croutons. Alternatives : A shiny, lacquered salad bowl is useless because there is no roughness to grind the ingredients against. If you don't have a rough wooden salad bowl, the dressing can be made (at great sacrifice) in a blender. Add all of the dressing ingredients except the yolk (i.e. not the lettuce, croutons or cheese). Puree. Then add the yolk and pulse a couple of times -- just enough to blend it without causing the dressing to turn mayonnaisey. The anchovy is optional, but I promise you, you will never be able to isolate it's taste. I find that the flavor of olive oil overwhelms the dressing so I use safflower oil. Other light vegetable oils or olive oil may be substituted. Notes: If you use anything other than fresh garlic, or less than 3 cloves, don't tell anyone that this is my recipe. The lettuce leaves should be coated, but not soaked, in dressing. Adjust the amount of dressing as necessary to keep salad from becoming too "wet". Guest Assignments: Lettuce washer and dryer Cocktails : Bloody Caesars, which are Bloody Marys made with Clamato juice (a premixed concoction of clam juice and tomato juice) instead of tomato juice Music : Leonard Cohen, "I'm Your Man" * Coddling diminishes any risks involved in using raw eggs. Submerge the whole egg in boiling water for exactly 40 seconds. Then separate the yolk from the whites as usual. (This kills the bacteria without cooking the yolk.) Also be sure to use eggs that have been properly handled and stored. March 5, 1997 A R C H I V E S Previous 5 articles: Flambéed Pineapple à la Mode (03/05/97) Tequila Shrimp Taco (02/26/97) $20 Dinner Party (02/19/97) Chocolate Climax (02/12/97) Virtual Tropical Vacation (02/05/97) The Surreal Gourmet archive The Surreal Gourmet's Web Site is located at http://surrealgourmet.com. New Bookmark: http://www.salonmagazine.com/food/surrealgourmet.html