A Fool for Faux

the accidental career of the Surreal Gourmet began six years ago with the publication of my first book, "The Surreal Gourmet: Real Food for Pretend Chefs" (Chronicle Books). The book was a "guide to better living" in the guise of a cookbook. Recipes featured fresh ingredients combined with a heavy-handed dash of fresh herbs and spices. The only element that was truly surreal were my garlic-induced illustrations (hence the moniker). To everyone's surprise, the book was a success. Among the flattering press was one skeptical review from an Australian airline magazine whose writer chastised me for not living up to my name by delivering surreal food. My first reaction was to cry: Does the Galloping Gourmet really gallop? Is the Frugal Gourmet frugal? Then something clicked and I began to look at food from a completely different perspective. Since that moment, I have gone on to create entire meals that are prepared from one food group, but presented to look like something entirely different (yes, the Surreal Gourmet is available for rent). Preparing these meals is always like setting up an elaborate magic trick, and along the way I have discovered that the preparation can be as much fun as the payoff. April Fools' Day provides the perfect forum for any beginner to enter into the world of surreal food presentation. The following blueprint for a trompe l'oeil breakfast-cum-dessert is easily mastered, and will certainly set your unsuspecting guests' tongues wagging. SUNNY-SIDE-UP "EGGS" WITH RASPBERRY "KETCHUP," CHOCOLATE "BACON," AND BISCOTTI "TOAST" (Serves 4 for Dessert) Any self-respecting prankster should be perfectly content to dish up a dessert of "eggs" and "ketchup." But for those of you in search of the faux grail, I have also included a description of how to make the "bacon" and a quick shortcut for the "toast." (The coffee is real, and the "cream" is Bailey's Irish Cream.) "Eggs" 1 quart vanilla ice cream (ideally in a round tub -- such as Haagen Dazs). Make sure the ice cream is very hard. 1 can apricot halves in syrup (keep in refrigerator). Go through can to find the smallest, most symmetrical halves. NO LESS THAN 3 HOURS BEFORE SERVING: 1. Clear room in the freezer so that it can accommodate two unstacked plates and your dessert serving plates. Then place three dinner plates in the freezer for 15 minutes. Remove and cover each with a sheet of wax paper or foil. 2. Remove ice cream from freezer, make a cut at the top of the cardboard container and peel back the walls to expose a cylindrical chunk of ice cream. 3. Place ice cream on its side on one of the chilled plates, and cut eight 1/4- to 1/2-inch slices (see illustration 1). Place slices on the remaining chilled plates and use a small paring knife to shape them (see illustration 2). Then fill a glass with warm water, dip your finger in the water, and round off the square edges of the ice cream ovals (just one of the reasons you do this in advance). Quickly return the plates to the freezer and let the molded ice cream re-harden. 4. Before dinner, place the plates you plan to serve dessert on in the freezer. 5. Just before serving, take the plates and ice cream out of the freezer. Use a spatula to lift the ice cream onto the chilled plates, and top each serving with an upside-down apricot. 6. To add an extra-surreal touch, serve the "eggs" in frying pans (the pans should also be placed in the freezer to chill). "Ketchup" One 12-ounce bag of frozen raspberries, thawed, or two cups of fresh raspberries Two tablespoons of confectionery (icing) sugar One empty bottle of Heinz ketchup 1. Place raspberries in a blender or food processor and purée (add a few tablespoons of water or lemon juice, if necessary, to facilitate blending). 2. Add sugar, one teaspoon at a time, to taste -- until tartness is gone. 3. Strain through a fine mesh strainer (known in cooking circles as a sieve) or a piece of cheesecloth, to remove all of the seeds. Then transfer to the ketchup bottle. (I like to place the bottle on the table and let my guests serve themselves.) "Bacon" 10 ounces good quality white chocolate 10 ounces good quality milk chocolate NO LESS THAN 3 HOURS BEFORE SERVING: 1. In a double boiler, over simmering water, melt approximately two-thirds of the white chocolate and two-thirds of the milk chocolate together. Blend well. 2. Once melted, pour onto wax paper into the general shape of strips of bacon. Allow to cool in the refrigerator until semi-hard (approximately 20 minutes), then use a sharp paring knife to square off the edges. 3. Clean out the double broiler, than reheat. This time, melt only the white chocolate. Dip the end of a chop stick, or a similar object, into the melted chocolate, and paint lines on the "bacon." 4. Repeat the process with the milk chocolate, until "bacon" looks real. If you really want to go overboard (as I did), wait until the bacon is half hardened, then place a pencil or two under the wax paper to give it a shriveled look. "Toast" The actual piece of biscotti "toast" used in the photo was made for me by Nancy Silverton of La Brea Bakery fame (an L.A. institution). The easiest way to duplicate the look without spending a lifetime mastering the art of biscotti is to buy a loaf of pound cake, then slice and toast it. TELL ME EVERYTHING ABOUT YOURSELF Kids, if you try this at home, let me know what the preparation experience was like, as well as the reaction of your guests. I would also love to hear about any of your own trompe l'oeil creations. My e-mail address is sgbytethis@aol.com. Best Dishes! March 26, 1997 A R C H I V E S Previous 5 articles: "Big Night" Walnut Pasta (03/19/97) Hail Caesar Salad! (03/12/97) Flambéed Pineapple à la Mode (03/05/97) Tequila Shrimp Taco (02/26/97) $20 Dinner Party (02/19/97) The Surreal Gourmet archive The Surreal Gourmet's Web Site is located at http://surrealgourmet.com. New Bookmark: http://www.salonmagazine.com/food/surrealgourmet.html