Salon Media Circus | If elected, I promise more girlie shows at the state fair!


T A B L E_.T A L K Talking heads are bringing in the big bucks. Are Stone Phillips and Katie Couric really worth millions? Throw in your 2 cents in Table Talk's Media area - - - - - - - - - - R E C E N T L Y The autocrat of the coffee table By James Poniewozik TV Guide, America's favorite coaster, becomes history in spite of itself (08/05/98) Befriend and betray By Tom McNichol If journalists can't stab their sources in the back, what will fill the pages of our nation's great newspapers and magazines? (07/31/98) Lugging the guts into the next room By Bruce Shapiro Steven Spielberg's "Saving Private Ryan" has sparked talk the government tried to silence -- talk of the psychic wounds inflicted on World War II vets (07/30/98) Chekhov, Marx and synergy By David Rakoff Here's some literature even Tina Brown could love (07/27/98) Would you buy a new car from this novelist? By James Poniewozik Why are Don DeLillo and David Duchovny shilling for Oldsmobile? Ask the folks at the New York Times Book Review, where yesterday's essay becomes today's ad copy! (07/22/98) - - - - - - - - - - BROWSE THE MEDIA CIRCUS ARCHIVE		IF ELECTED, I PROMISE MORE GIRLIE SHOWS AT THE STATE FAIR! \| PAGE 1, 2 - - - - - - - - - - "We thought the GOP candidate was tremendously unqualified," says O'Brien in explaining Fred's candidacy. "Fred is tremendously unqualified, too, so we don't hold that against Mr. McMullen." It's no secret that in masterminding Fred's political career O'Brien, a rising star in the Vermont film industry, wants to drum up renewed interest in "Man With a Plan," which PBS is distributing to its affiliate stations this fall. Indeed, without O'Brien there would be no "Fred," just a tired old man with a sense of humor and a taste for the limelight that increasingly tries the patience of his third wife, Dottie. "I don't think he really knows much about politics," Dottie confesses unnecessarily. It was O'Brien who filed Fred's candidacy papers in Montpelier on July 20, and O'Brien who announced Fred's self-imposed campaign spending limit of $16 (in contrast to the reported $91,000 of his own money that Jack McMullen has already contributed to the race). For the record, O'Brien describes himself as "astonished at how seriously the Republican Party and the media are taking this stuff." "We think 'Man With a Plan' was a funny movie, but this situation is no laughing matter," says McMullen campaign spokeswoman Holly Robichaud. McMullen himself laments, "I'm up against an announced frivolous candidate. I have done my homework. I've spent 17-hour days meeting with hundreds and hundreds of people around the state. I've spent a lot of time learning about the issues." On July 23, at McMullen's urging, the state GOP filed a formal challenge to Fred's ballot petition -- no one in Vermont can remember the last time this happened -- and Secretary of State James Milne, a Republican, having invalidated 95 of Fred's 572 ballot signatures, solemnly announced that Fred would need 23 more in order to qualify for the race. Within a week, O'Brien returned with 2,300 signatures, a sign not only of Fred's amazing popularity but of a widespread voter reaction against the perceived churlishness and humorlessness of the GOP. Incredibly, Fred may win the primary -- the race is so off-the-wall, pundits are prepared for anything. What Republicans fear most about Fred's candidacy is a massive Democratic crossover in September's open primary. Few of Vermont's Democratic races are contested this year, and by law voters may choose either party's ballot without regard to affiliation. The widely held belief that McMullen is out to buy the election -- he is expected to spend over $1 million on his campaign -- guarantees that a certain number of Democrats will cross party lines and stick it to the Republicans by voting for Fred. As Vermont's largest daily, the Burlington Free Press, almost gleefully points out, "Only 20,000 people voted Republican in the 1996 primary, but ['Man With a Plan'] has sold 25,000 copies at $19.95 each." As of this week, the Vermont press has been utterly flummoxed by the Fred situation, with some papers lambasting O'Brien for "mocking the democratic process" and cruelly manipulating a sick old man, and others, like the Hardwick Gazette, praising Fred as "just what the political landscape needs to catch the attention of citizens." On the one hand, area reporters are aware that Fred's candidacy is a stunt; on the other, they're obliged to take it seriously owing to Fred's grass-roots appeal and the fact that this is, after all, a race for the U. S. Senate. Meantime, reader mail is running solidly in Fred's report. "In fact, we're trying to highlight some serious issues," O'Brien insists. "This really is a protest campaign against carpetbaggers." McMullen's lame response to the challenge has played right into O'Brien's hands. Having first denounced Fred's candidacy as a "publicity joke," he turned up next on the evening news, unwilling or unable to reply when he was asked "why the voters shouldn't decide for themselves." "Uhhh," said McMullen, before falling silent for eight full seconds, a veritable Ice Age in TV time. The next day, in a sudden about-face, McMullen took himself to White River Junction, where he brought flowers to Fred at the Veteran's Hospital. "He's just a kid," says Fred. "I couldn't very well attack him when he had flowers in his hand." At Monday's press conference Fred nonetheless challenged McMullen to a milking contest and displayed a few new bumper stickers he wants to spread around. "Send Jack Back," reads one. "McMillions for Vermont," says another. Fred is sticking to his announced spending cap of $16, but urges Vermonters to send him "oceans of money" anyway, which he'll donate to the town library. His doctors have told him he can't leave the house for a month, and he hopes everyone will come visit. "Don't ask, 'Why Fred?'" he says. "Ask, 'Why Not?'" SALON \| Aug. 6, 1998 Peter Kurth is a writer who lives in Vermont.