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_Mundane Titillation
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July 16, 1999 |
Today, in my never-ending quest to evaluate, ponder and rate the offerings of America's alternative press, I give you the snooze-o-meter, my personal method of measuring the liveliness, or deadliness, of stories lurid and mundane.
- - - - - - - - - - - - Minneapolis/St. Paul City Pages, July 14-20 "Bump and Grind" by Katy Reckdahl Speed bumps. What are they? A mere annoyance to impatient drivers? A valuable safeguard of suburban toddlers? Nay! Speed bumps are the center of a swirling controversy, a Catch-22, one person's misery and another's peace of mind. They are, according to reporter Katy Reckdahl, the nemesis of pizza deliverymen. Thanks to the annoying bumps, those who deliver pepperoni with mushrooms can no longer navigate the streets of sleepy suburbia with Andretti-like speed. Alas, Reckdahl must leave the piping- TOPIC: Mundane TREATMENT: Creative RATING: Amusement "The Gene Sifters" by Andrew Carter DNA testing involves crime, blood, death, murder, suspicion, lives on the verge, O.J. Simpson. Not bad for a subject dominated by people in white coats hunched over test tubes in sterile labs. Andrew Carter reports on Minnesota's DNA database, improved technology in testing and why blood samples are becoming the fingerprints of the new millennium. He manages to squeeze the terms "mummified samples," "corpse" and "lip cells on a cigarette butt" into one thrilling paragraph. TOPIC: Titillating TREATMENT: Bland RATING: Amusement "Sandy Berman's Last Stand" by Burl Gilyard Sandy Burman, 65, head cataloger for the Hennepin County Library since 1973, gets sacked by callous management for speaking his mind. The story leads with a lengthy discussion of his typewriter and the inflammatory memo he typed on it. That's pages 1 and 2. There are four more. Zzzzzzzz. TOPIC: Mundane (Libraries are dull, even if free-speech struggles are involved) TREATMENT: Slow RATING: Zzzzzzzz - - - - - - - - - - - - Long Island Voice, July 15-21 "Living and dining on Long Island" by Andrew Friedman The setup: Two guys hit 24 diners in 24 hours. The subtext: "We eat at 24 diners in 24 hours so you don't have to." Why would we have to? Andrew Friedman, a talented stylist who deserves better material than this, sums up the problem with his piece well: "Diners look numbingly the same. As if we are stuck in a loop, a labyrinth, where we keep entering the same diner, over and over and over again, seeing our reflection in the same multiplying mirrors." Marathon pieces like these are hard to keep entertaining. Believe me. I know. The trick is selecting a topic that contains some inherent mystery. TOPIC: Mundane to the point of madness TREATMENT: Smart and sassy RATING: Drowsiness - - - - - - - - - - - - Orlando Weekly, July 15-21 "Declining Years" by Steve Helling "When St. Cloud police responded to a recent domestic dispute, the scene was a surreal mix between 'Cops' and 'Cocoon.' A 66-year-old woman had allegedly punched and pushed her 75-year-old husband after tying him to his bed with a dog collar and leash." Steve Helling does an excellent job with this story about the rise of domestic abuse among Florida's senior citizens. TOPIC: Titillating TREATMENT: Fine balance of smut and serious journalism RATING: Insomnia
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