T A B L E__T A L K Does corporate character count? Discuss ethics and big business in the Business and Personal Finance area of Table Talk R E C E N T L Y Gluttons for a crash By Heather Chaplin Why so many investors are riding high on the new market lows (09/11/98) Separate checkbooks By Hank Hyena and Carol Lloyd Married but not sharing (09/04/98) How far will Wall Street fall? By Jonathan Broder Russia's economic turmoil may spread, says one stock analyst, but the fundamentals of the American economy are still strong (08/28/98) Dis Capital By Heather Chaplin Capitalism bashing or pedophilia: which is a greater taboo? (08/28/98) Bull marketing By Anita Bartholomew While Wade Cook rides high on lucrative investment seminars, its customers' portfolios take a tumble (08/21/98) - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Browse the Money feature archives S A L O N E M P O R I U M FREE! 12-ounce bag of Salon Blend with a purchase of $30 or more. While supplies last.		move over, susan b. anthony SACAJAWEA AND A NEW TRIBE OF CURRENCIES ARE ON THE LOOSE. BY LANCE GOULD | As we wrap up the penultimate year before the new millennium, the globe is experiencing such quantum-speed changes that few of life's sure things remain so. Consider: Zaire is now Congo. The once mighty economies of the Asian tigers have been tamed. The single-season home-run record has been shattered. And there are, as of last count, only four Spice Girls. And while everybody's squawking about the Y2K bug, the real shock to the system over the next few years will come from cold, hard cash. Imagine this nightmarish scenario: In the year 2002, a movie will cost 12 Sacajaweas, Alexander Hamilton will have a huge, swollen head and coin-flipping arbiters will settle bar bets by yelling, "Heads or Tennessee?" And that's just on these loony shores. Across the ocean in 2002, Europe will have transformed itself into the world's largest food court with the infiltration of the new Euro, a wimpy, politically correct unit that will feature lots of non-specific bridges, windows and gateways on its seven bank notes. You'll be able to purchase zwei knockwurst in Munich and use your change to knock back a few cervezas in Seville. Or you can grab some vinegar-soaked fries from a Brussels frites stand and -- with the same currency -- grab some cream-rich spaghetti carbonara in Milan. Taken with rumors of a New Hong Kong dollar and a proposed North American Trade Currency (which would be a Western Hemispheric equivalent to the Euro, uniting the U.S. and Canada with all our Latin friends south to Panama). The evidence is unequivocal. On the cusp of the 21st century, the world's major currencies are experiencing more makeovers than a Sally Jesse Raphael show in sweeps week. The U.S. Treasury Department has already introduced the much-maligned and redesigned $100 and $50 bills. The opinions of the complainants reflect a populace seemingly confused and angered by the changes. Some have said that the new currency looks like Monopoly money, while others have voiced dissatisfaction with the fact that, on the 50, Ulysses S. Grant's large, bloated face looks remarkably like Anthony Quinn's after he's had a few shots of ouzo. But we have yet to see the full impact of the Treasury's well-intentioned plan to completely overhaul the American paper currency. Yes, the changes to the $100 and $50 bill might have affected briefcase-toting Masters of the Universe or Uzi-toting drug dealers, but most of the rest of us have precious little contact with the Big Bills. Our day of reckoning is nigh, however. On Sept. 24, the Treasury will debut the new $20 bill. As the 20 is the preferred currency of the ATM crowd, this whole redesign thing is going to finally hit us where we live. It's like when some plague or pestilence befalls a foreign land: "Oh, how dreadful," we say -- "for them." Americans, tucked in snugly under our hemispheric security blanket, usually rest assured that indignities suffered in, say, Britain -- mad cow disease, the Teletubbies -- are not our problem. But now we too will be plunged into the humiliation of currency chaos. The new 20s are only the beginning. The $10, $5 and $1 bills are all slated for makeovers within the next few years. (Exact dates have yet to be set, but a Treasury Department spokesperson noted that the original plan was to do one bill a year.) And then starting in January 1999, quarters as we know them will begin a 10-year sabbatical. That's because Robert Rubin and Co. are kicking off a decade-long tribute to the 50 states, which will give each one the opportunity to redesign the "tail" side of the 25-cent piece. The Commemorative Quarter series will issue five quarter-dollars sporting new "reverses" each year from 1999 through 2008. The designs of the quarters will be representative of each of the 50 states, and the states will be feted in the order that they joined the union. Thus Delaware, New Jersey, Georgia, Connecticut and Pennsylvania will get first crack at it in 1999, and Oklahoma, New Mexico, Arizona, Alaska and Hawaii will bring up the rear in 2008. N E X T+P A G E | Move over, Susan B.! Sacajawea is here.