Hey! Need a new phone? How about one that is intimately acquainted with your menstrual cycle? What's that you say? That's ludicrous? Guess you won't want to buy the new FOMA D702iF mobile phone designed especially for women by DoCoMo, Japan's largest cellphone manufacturer.

But thanks to blogger Tokyololas, who sent us this tip, with photo and a blogged description, we can tell you that it resembles a birth control dispenser and comes in a nauseating array of pastel colors. It's a "feminine size," whatever that may mean. And its major feature seems to be a "biorhythm memo" that alerts users three days before ovulation, and again on the day of. So you know when you're fertile. With the help of your cellphone. Barf.

There's also a helpful recipe database so that you may profitably keep track of the culinary concoctions sure to ensnare a man who can help you hit all your fecund peaks, and a "camouflage melody" that rings on command so you can pretend to have a call when you want to discourage losers. As Tokyololas writes, "Yes, Blanche DuBois, you can shake off all those unsuitable gentlemen suitors with the press of a button."

Personally, I am surprised and disappointed that the phone's back does not also function as an emery board, that there is no hand-mirror function, and that it does not feature a secret tampon compartment below the number pad.