T A B L E++T A L K

Do the rich parent differently than the poor? Which class does it better? Dish it out in Table Talk.

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R E C E N T L Y

Reluctant role model
By Cynthia Romanov
My classmates wanted to hear how easy it is to combine kids and graduate school.
(11/24/97)

Coyote dreams
By Susan McCarthy
Peter Coyote rescued me from a miserable divorce
(11/21/97)

Cujo's bite is worse than his bark
By Anne Lamott
The main pleasure in owning a pit bull is in detonating a sense of fear in your neighbors
(11/20/97)

Escape from parenting
By Ariel Gore
New York City turns a responsible mama into a reckless adolescent
(11/19/97)

Toying with us
By Albert Mobilio
Dissecting kids' lust for loot
(11/18/97)

ARCHIVES

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Mamafesto
Why it's time
for Mothers Who Think

Patti says she could have contracted AIDS from any number of friends, lovers or clients -- but she assumes it was from one of her "regulars." She began working as a prostitute once her drug habit couldn't be supported by her waitressing tips. "Other girls robbed, I lay on my back and fucked people," Patti says. "Men would pay extra to not wear a condom ... as torn up as I was, men would still want to have unprotected sex with me. Afterwards, some of them would go home to their wives."

Before she was infected, Patti never gave AIDS a passing thought -- she didn't know women could even get it. The only reason she got tested at all was because a medical outreach project in her neighborhood was offering cash in exchange for participating in an AIDS study. "When they told me I was positive, I thought, I can't work prostitution anymore. I have no work, no money, no love, no children, no boyfriends. What am I going to do?"

A friend pointed out that maybe getting infected was a blessing -- her HIV-positive status would make her eligible for government benefits like Supplemental Social Security Income and methadone treatment. She took his advice and checked into a treatment center, where she received group and individual therapy and drug counseling. After seven months, she was clean -- but pregnant. "My boyfriend fucked me while I was asleep," she says. "He knew I was HIV-positive but he said he needed 'skin on skin.'"

Like many people, Patti thought if you were HIV-positive and had a baby, the child would automatically be infected. When she was first referred to BAPAC in 1993, Maureen Shannon told her of the risks. "I saw Maureen and she told me my options and said, 'It's your choice. We'll be with you if you have it, or if you terminate.' She was so nice and friendly. I had hope." But when Patti went to see her primary care physician at the hospital, she changed her mind. "This older male doctor came in and said, 'You're 36 and HIV positive!' He made me feel like there was no chance I would have a healthy baby. Then I went to my group therapy session and they all thought I was crazy for wanting one too. By the end of the group I felt this big" she says, holding her index finger and thumb a millimeter apart.

Patti aborted the baby. Her boyfriend, Roman, was furious. She started using drugs again. But she didn't forget Shannon. It took her several months of prostitution, heroin and beatings to wake up again. "I was so sick of being a nobody."

Six months into a second round of treatment, Patti was pregnant again and Roman proposed marriage. "I thought, I'm an HIV-positive former addict and he wants to marry me? Who else will have me?" She broke the No. 1 rule of the treatment center where she was living: She had unprotected sex.

"I wanted to prove myself. I wanted to prove that I could be a good mother, a good person. Just because I'm HIV-positive, can't I bear children?"

Dr. Beckerman admits that some of her colleagues disdain programs like BAPAC that offer HIV-positive women preconception counseling and a supportive environment. Some people believe people like Patty Radigan should not be allowed to have children.

But Beckerman feels differently. "The golden moment is when we send out an antibody test at year 1 and the baby is HIV-negative," she says. "To me it's a deeply moving moment to see the antibodies disappear."

Eighteen months after Anjelica's birth, Patti has secured them a home with welfare funds. Roman, Anjelica's father, does not live with them -- he cheated on Patti and she kicked him out -- but he visits his daughter and contributes money for diapers and other supplies. Someday Patti hopes to get paid to make speeches. About her life, about her treatments and about HIV.

"When I went back to BAPAC for the second time, Maureen remembered my name," Patti says, still astonished. "She made me believe I could have a healthy baby and that I deserved to."
SALON | Nov. 25, 1997

Should women with HIV be encouraged to have babies? Join the discussion in Table Talk.