Salon | Reading between the whines

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T A B L E++T A L K

Is your kindergarten teacher not doing his or her job? Get help and advice in Mothers.

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R E C E N T L Y

What's it all about, Barbie?
Introducing Salon's special Barbie supplement
(11/26/97)

"Just because I'm HIV-positive, can't I bear children?
By Lori Leibovich
Should a 38-year-old, HIV-positive ex-drug addict have a baby? Patti Radigan thought so -- and a pioneering San Francisco clinic agreed to help her
(11/25/97)

Reluctant role model
By Susan McCarthy
My classmates wanted to hear how easy it is to combine kids and graduate school
(11/24/97)

Coyote dreams
By Cynthia Romanov
Peter Coyote rescued me from a miserable divorce
(11/21/97)

Cujo's bite is worse than his bark
By Anne Lamott
The main pleasure in owning a pit bull is in detonating a sense of fear in your neighbors
(11/20/97)

ARCHIVES

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Mamafesto
Why it's time
for Mothers Who Think

READING BETWEEN THE WHINES

The sevenfold path to coping with seven-step
parenting manuals

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"THE 7 HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE FAMILIES"
BY STEPHEN R. COVEY
GOLDEN BOOKS
390 PAGES, NONFICTION

"THE SEVEN SPIRITUAL LAWS FOR PARENTS"
BY DEEPAK CHOPRA
CROWN PUBLISHERS
159 PAGES, NONFICTION

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Before beginning this review, I would like to acknowledge the help and encouragement I have received from my dear and beloved family and friends. I thank my dear husband, my dear children, my dear neighbors and my dear cat, who this evening knocked over a table lamp, which only served to remind me of the timeless evanescence of all light, the timelessness of our all being together as One on this eternally lit ride through time. Again, to one and all (One is All, after all), thank you!

BY INDA SCHAENEN | It is not easy to walk the path of spirituality when you are suspicious of those who arrange the steppingstones. As the millennium draws to a close, spiritual instructors are many in number, and their voices can be alarmingly banal. What follows is a simple, seven-step guide to coping with two of the more popular recently published parenting books that have targeted the spiritual side of raising children, "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families" by Stephen R. Covey and "The Seven Spiritual Laws for Parents" by Deepak Chopra.

1. Avoid staring at the picture of the author, especially if it includes any members of his/her family, thereby inviting snide observations on their apparent relationship.

2. Numb yourself to buzzwords like "synergy," "proactive," "learnings" and "book team," and to the catchy phrases coined by the author to help you do what he suggests. (Ex: "Use your pause button" or "make a deposit in your Emotional Bank Account.")

3. Do not count the number of times (at least seven in Covey's book) an author refers to "blowing it." (Ex: "We all 'blow it' from time to time.")

4. Do not read the dust jacket blurbs; they're manipulative and distracting.

5. Do not read the author's bio. Go in cold, not knowing what schools he attended or what Fortune 500 companies he has counseled. None of this should make any difference in your reading.

6. Do not think about who else reads these kinds of self-help books.

7. Finally, do not study the products and services hawked in the back of the book or call any of the telephone numbers provided or seek in any way to turn the book into something more accountable than food for thought.

That said, there is not so much wrong with the substance of these books, once you get past their dumbed-down, slicked-up packaging and the marketing strategies propelling them to the bestseller lists. After all, most people do live in families of one kind or another and most families do not function in any kind of a healthy way. If you are not the kind of parent to figure out what's wrong and remedy your family's problem on your own, you might do a lot worse than to make use of either of these books.

N E X T+P A G E: A radical proposal