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Formula for disaster
Why do many doctors take a neutral or even pro-formula stance with their patients--despite evidence of the serious potential hazards of bottle-feeding?
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By Phaedra Hise
[07/13/99]

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Beyond agreeing that young women are troubled about sex, however, authors Wendy Shalit and Leora Tanenbaum have a lot to tangle about. Shalit's "Return to Modesty" is a manifesto for reinstating female virtue and male honor. Tanenbaum's "Slut! Growing up Female With a Bad Reputation" is a feminist dissection of sexual double standards. Shalit believes that a host of female pathologies -- eating disorders, self-mutilation, low self-esteem -- are the result of a hypersexualized culture gone awry. Tanenbaum sees women as the victims of double standards that stigmatize promiscuous women as "sluts" and flatter promiscuous men with labels like "stud."

Also Today Gen X's change of head To the women who came of age in the '60s, oral sex was an act of great intimacy. To their daughters, it's about as intimate as shaking hands.

In fact, "Slut!" opens with a list of slang terms for sexually active women and men. I remembered this exercise from the intro to women's studies class I took in college in 1990 -- even then, it had seemed rather obvious. What American female doesn't know that if she acts "loose," there will be repercussions? While I admit to being more sympathetic to Tanenbaum's ideas than those of Shalit, I found Tanenbaum's sincere and well-researched book dry and not particularly revelatory. Shalit's book, though maddening in its grand pronouncements (ballroom dancing is back, therefore women are returning to modesty!), was a lively, provocative read.

Shalit, 24, writes for the Wall Street Journal, Commentary, the National Review and the City Journal, a publication of the Manhattan Institute. Tanenbaum, 30, is a contributor to Ms., the Women's Review of Books and the Nation.

While both women claim to have tapped into what young women are thinking, their theories were clearly shaped by personal experience as well. While Shalit was a student at Williams College, she wrote a column for Commentary called "A Ladies Room of One's Own," about the indignity of having to live in a dorm with coed bathrooms. Instantly, she became a conservative darling. When the piece was later published in Reader's Digest, Shalit says she received hundreds of letters from young women who said they shared the same embarrassment, but had been too intimidated to express it.

Six years ago, when Tanenbaum read about a poll by the American Association of University Women, which found that two out of five girls nationwide had rumors spread about them, she was prompted to write an article for Seventeen about the trauma she endured as a high school "slut." The magazine received hundreds of letters from young women who said they had been scandalized, taunted and harassed because of their actual or perceived sexual experience. "Slut bashing" as Tanenbaum calls it, is thriving.

I proposed a dialogue with the two women in the hope that between the three of us, we could visualize some practical middle ground between "slut" and "modestynik," Shalit's term for women who wear long skirts and don't have sexual relationships before marriage. Aren't there safe, healthy ways for a young woman to be sexually curious and satisfied without having to either remain chaste or be ostracized?

Apparently not -- at least not if you go by our conversation on a recent Sunday afternoon in Tanenbaum's Manhattan apartment. Although there was no hair-pulling, screeching or cat-fighting, the two women firmly stood their ground. Still, there was something alarmingly ladylike about the interaction. They were even dressed similarly, in sweater sets, although Tanenbaum's black skirt was short while Shalit's was long. As we politely nibbled strawberries and sipped iced coffee, the two deferred to each other more often than not.

Of course, this was partly because Shalit dominated the conversation and stayed conscientiously on message. Like a high school debate team president, she skillfully molded each question to suit her convictions. Tanenbaum tried hard not to interrupt her; when she did grab the floor, she was armed with statistics and reasoned arguments. But she was cut off for good when Shalit's friend arrived after an hour to pick her up, bringing our brief dialogue to a halt. It wasn't until we picked up the conversation later, online, that it turned a bit testy.

Next page | What does a fourth-grader need to know about orgasms?