Spare the quarter-inch plumbing supply line, spoil the child

"Training," as Pearl defines it, is practically the polar opposite of abuse, which goes more like this: "The child is rebellious. The parent suddenly loses it and screams out. Like a whirlwind, the child is snatched up by the arm and given several bangs on the bottom. The parent's eyes burn. The brow hardens. The pulse rate soars ... 'You will do what I say. You are not going to do this to me, little girl,'" he writes, concluding: "There is no place for that selfish vindictive streak in the discipline of children."

A parent concerned that he or she is crossing the line should ask the opinion of respected friends -- and look upon the face of his or her child. "If your child is broken in spirit, cowed and subdued, you have a problem," he writes on his Web site. The advice there: "Get counsel in a hurry." In his book, he shows less patience. Pearl sarcastically offers abusive parents "The Millstone Award," which is a pretty threatening reference to Matthew 18:6: "But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea."

Many Pearl supporters were unwilling to speak on the record, wary of their opinions being taken out of context. But Lauren and Joel Killion of Wilson, N.C., along with Meggan Judge, were interviewed by Locke of the News & Observer, and then by Salon. The Killions received "To Train Up a Child" in a "welcome wagon" basket from a community group when their daughter Moriah was born. The Killions now attribute Moriah's obedience, patience and good cheer to the principles in the book -- though it wasn't easy to apply them at first. "It was so hard not to always let her get her way when she cried," recalls Lauren, 27, a former kindergarten teacher who now stays at home with her daughter. She recalls wincing when her husband switched Moriah lightly with a small twig from a tree, which they tested on themselves first. Now that their daughter is all of 2, Lauren says, they seldom use it; if anything, they simply walk toward where it's kept and Moriah straightens right out. "The rod in the hands of a loving parent is the right thing," Lauren now says with assurance. It's hard not to notice that while Lauren is talking on the phone, and fixing supper, Moriah is chattering happily in the background. Only once during a 30-minute conversation does she interrupt Mom with a request for a favorite video, and only once does Mom have to say no.

"We're only treating our child the way God would treat us," adds Lauren's husband, Joel, 26, a banker. "As in Hebrews 12, He chastens those whom he loves. If I love my child, I am going to train her. Others don't have to believe that, but I do."

Yes, but precisely where in the Bible do we find mention of quarter-inch plumbing supply lines? First, it should be noted that the oft-quoted expression "Spare the rod, spoil the child," frequently assumed to appear in the Bible, actually appears in Samuel Butler's 17th century satiric poem "Hudibras." But that doesn't mean that biblical references to "the rod," many of which occur in Proverbs, are altogether pretty: "Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying" (Proverbs 19:18); "Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell" (Proverbs 23:14). For some, such passages are eternal, universal precepts for child-raising. Others reduce the passages to their historical context, reading them as nothing more than King Solomon's personal parenting primer. Still others note that the word "rod" appears throughout the Bible, translated from several different Hebrew words, one of which connotes the rod a shepherd might use -- not to strike his sheep, but to guide them.

In any regard, for believers in child-training, causing the child palpable harm is antithetical to their mission. Child Training Resources offers this disclaimer with its "chastening instrument": "Though each instrument includes instructions for proper use, we highly recommend parents train themselves by reading and discussing Biblically-based parenting books together. Child Training Resources stands firmly against any and all child abuse and is not responsible for misuse of this product."

Likewise, the Pearl camp considers the Paddock case an aberration. "How that can be traced to the Pearls seems a little ridiculous to me," says Pearl business manager Cohen. "There's nowhere in the book that says, 'Here's how to smother your child.' I look at it this way: A doctor says, 'One ounce of red wine a day will do your heart good.' Then someone drinks five quarts and runs somebody over -- you can't go back and blame the doctor for recommending one ounce. To blame the Pearls here is really a stretch."

While supporters of child-training see the Paddock case as a tragic misuse and misrepresentation of Pearl principles, some of their opponents have taken it as a call to arms. Recent protest has perhaps been loudest and most organized among home-schoolers. "Most home-schoolers, secular and Christian, are familiar with the Pearls, and speaking out never made a difference. Now a child has died and public scrutiny is on the Pearls. Strike while the fire is hot," says a home-schooling Oregon mother of 16-year-old triplets who blogs under the name "Doc Smith." (She requested that her real name not be used because of the threatening comments she and others have received in response to their anti-Pearl posts.)

Following in the footsteps of a British blogger known as Carlotta -- who, pre-Paddock case, worked to draw attention to the association between the Old Schoolhouse Magazine, a popular Christian quarterly for home-schoolers, and the Pearls' ministry, one of its advertisers -- Doc launched a boycott of the magazine and its partner blog services, Homeschoolblogger.com and Homesteadblogger.com. Other bloggers picked up the banner. (One printed anti-Pearl T-shirts. ) As a result of such efforts, Doc estimates, at least 250 bloggers have left Homeschoolblogger.com. Rumors abound that the Old Schoolhouse's subscriptions have dropped since the boycott -- its current readership is around 100,000 -- but according to the magazine, business is booming. "Subscriptions are actually up," says Nancy Carter, marketing manager. "With bad P.R. I think you also get folks saying, 'Hey, we want to show you we support you.'"

Doc admits that this boycott is but a "small battle" in the fight against child abuse. Ideally, she'd like to see the Old Schoolhouse -- a major market source for an often-isolated community -- stop printing articles by the Pearls and advertising their wares. But she hopes at the very least to draw attention to the methods espoused by the Pearls -- and distinguish them from other branches of the home-schooling community. "When a secular person/parent whips a kid, they're doing it because they're ignorant or just a jerk. They don't say God gave them permission or commanded them to do it," she says. "Home-schoolers who beat their kids make all home-schoolers look like freaks."

One home-schooling/blogging mother went so far as to buy the plumbing hose and try it on herself. "What I did was take the small supposedly 'harmless' tube and LIGHTLY tap myself on the forearm with it," she reports. "Not only did it sting like an SOB but it also left welts on my arm for TWO hours afterwards."

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