Ask a call girl

How realistic is Showtime's "Secret Diary of a Call Girl"? We went to the true experts: Real upscale escorts.

By Ondine Galsworth

Read more: Sex, TV, Prostitution, Hookers, Life, Round Table discussions, Ondine Galsworth

Aug. 5, 2008 | I assumed the Showtime series "Secret Diary of a Call Girl" was yet another hackneyed, over-the-top hooker story intended to shock the masses. But by the second episode, I was addicted. The imported British comedy, which ended its first season on Monday night, has proved well crafted and witty, keeping the harsh and gritty edges of London rather than presenting it in Vaseline-smeared Playboy soft focus.

As a high-class call girl named Belle, the excellent Billie Piper is young and handsome but also a bit worn-out looking, as we might imagine her to be. Though the show is sexy -- with plenty of unblinking bedroom romps -- it is also funny and perhaps even, dare we say it, informative, with juicy tidbits about a taboo and complicated life. Who doesn't wonder what the life of a call girl is like?

And yet, how accurate is it, really? Some of Belle's clients are unbelievably handsome. At one point, she enlists her (darn hot) ex-lover/best friend, played by Iddo Goldberg, into a client-requested foursome. By the time Belle had one of her regular clients (also her accountant) wearing a leather thong and licking her toilet after a request for some S&M action, I had to wonder -- how much dramatic license was being taken? There was only one way to find out: I needed to talk to some experienced call girls.

Call girl No. 1: Cindy

Cindy is one of my closest friends, but in her past life -- before we met and before she became a wife and mother -- she was an upscale call girl in Los Angeles. A beautiful blonde, she fell into the life after a modeling career failed to take off. She was approached by an agent/pimp, decided to take a jump and found herself in subsidized luxury dating actors and record producers and race car drivers. "I'm not going to lie, I got off on the rush my lifestyle gave me," she says. "I'm sure it was a control thing, getting these major tycoons to take care of me so well."

What do you think of "Secret Diary of a Call Girl?"

At first I didn't like it. I found Belle really annoying -- too hard, too cocky, especially with the clients. When you are that level of call girl, making $500-$1,000 an hour, your job is to be super-sweet, super-feminine, the perfect dream girl, not an edgy cool chick. But she's growing on me.

What about Belle can you relate to?

Her loneliness. It is very stressful to lead two lives, to have to lie all the time -- how is it that you can afford those great shoes, that $2,000 bag, the apartment? Of course you put up with it because you love the money and the control, like Belle says, but you do get lonely.

What seemed ridiculously unrealistic?

Lots of things. How much time she spends with her clients. She lingers and hangs out. In real life you are looking at that clock all the time, and when time is up, it's over. Also the meeting with the agent, her pimp, in public with the other girls -- that would never happen. Agents are much more hardcore than the lady on the show. She is way too nice. And Belle working out of her apartment like that -- it's not safe. Usually in real life you have a separate apartment for the clients. You don't want clients knowing where you live. They can get obsessive and start showing up, so for security's sake you keep your workplace and your home separate.

Anything else seem realistic?

Her attachment to Ashok, her first client, her devastation when he chooses another girl. Sometimes you get attached to clients like that.

Are they really that hot?

Sometimes, but that's not the norm. But the fact that he treated her like a real girlfriend, that's what she loved about him.

What were your customers like?

Well, this is going to sound weird, but they were all guys who I would have dated if I had met them under different circumstances. Even when I was young I never went for the bad boy, the starving artist, the boy toy. I only liked older, smart, successful men.

Did you have code words like "no problemo" to let your agent or pimp or someone know there was a problem?

Yeah, you always have someone to check in with, to make sure you are OK and the client is not creepy.

In one episode, Belle attends a fancy sex party with a creepy Russian client. Would you have bailed on him like Belle did?

Sometimes you get icky guys like that, but mostly I got really nice guys. And no, I would never flake on a client like that. You have to be professional, not ruin your reputation, your agent's reputation, piss everyone off -- unless of course you feel like you are in jeopardy.

What do you like best in the show?

I guess as an ex-call girl, it's fun watching the show and seeing what is real and what's completely off. I think it glamorizes the business a bit. Being a high-class call girl is a cool life if you know what you're doing, but a very hard life too, which I don't think they depict well on the show -- just how stressful it really is.

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Call girl No. 2: Stephanie

I found Stephanie by Googling "Escorts NYC." It was my short experience of what it must be like to be a client. So many women! And I had to pick one: There were piles of blondes, busty brunettes, exotic Asians; I started to panic. I sorted by price -- $750 an hour, $1,000 an hour -- and there was Stephanie. I don't know what it was, but I got a rush. I had to have her. She looked beautiful and intelligent, nothing cheesy about her photo. After sending a nervous, sweaty-palmed e-mail, I checked my in box like a schoolboy after asking the cheerleader to the prom. Then she wrote back! She offered a long, elegant explanation for her absence -- she had been out of the country with a client (perfect!). She was happy to discuss "Secret Diary of a Call Girl." But first she needed some references; it was all very professional.

What do you think of the show?

I think it's fantastic -- in many ways realistic. They must have inside info from a high-class call girl.

What do you think of Belle?

Lovely but a bit hardened. I found her to be very cold in many ways to her clients. It's very much about the sex with her. High-class clients are more interested in the overall experience. In fact, the sexual aspect is the least important. I would not class Belle as a "high-class" escort -- more middle of the range.

At one point, she's asked to perform an all-nighter. A guy pays to have a girlfriend for the night, right? Was that realistic?

Leaving during the booking to pick up another client downstairs and then going back -- extremely unlikely. Also leaving for cigarettes. There is room service for that, and 90 percent of clients do not want you to smoke anyway.

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