And it's not likely that such a woman is going to see much of herself in a book that insists that most women still "equate one act of intercourse with a lifetime of economic security" and see men as "walking wallets." It's equally difficult to imagine that the men who are willing to enter into marriages in which they play the "success object" to their wives' "sex object" are the same men who would clamor for their rights to be stay-at-home dads.

Feminism happened, says Farrell, because women naturally chose to marry men who would be the best providers. And men who have good jobs don't tend to have much of a nurturing side. How can they? They spend all their time at work, the better to show their love by earning money for their families. So these rich women, not understanding that their husbands were demonstrating their love the best they knew how, had a lot of time and money on their hands. Rich women went to therapists. Therapists told them they were oppressed. A movement was born.

"What I want to know," asks one man, "is how do you do this? How do you go on doing what you do? If I knew as much as you do, I wouldn't be able to stand it, I'd be so angry. There are 2 million men in jail. That's a national crisis! You never hear anything about men, just women and minorities."

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Yes, says Farrell, "we have more empathy for whales than males."

That wraps up the lecture portion of the evening. Farrell sits down to sign books, but he insists that each person not only tell him his or her name, but a little bit about their lives, so that he can give each and every one a personal inscription.

Warren Farrell is nothing if not a fountain of empathy. I get a generous helping of his brand of personalized attention the next morning, when I meet him for breakfast at his hotel in downtown San Francisco. He wants to know if I slept well and inquires about the health of my daughter. Farrell, who lives in Encinitas, Calif., just outside San Diego, would prefer to live in the Bay Area, but he is waiting for the housing prices to drop. He's spent one day at this hotel, but he already knows the wait staff, and they already know that he prefers his eggs over easy.

Today, Farrell can't choose between grilled polenta and French toast. Finally, he comes up with a compromise: The best way to satisfy our mutual cravings for sweet and savory is to order both, and share. "Is that OK with you?" he asks. "Now that we are sharing, it's no longer my decision."

If American society is suffering from a father wound, then Farrell may be suffering from a feminist wound. "I'm an awfully loyal friend," he says. "Once I've started a relationship with someone, it's like they are syrup and I'm a pancake. Their syrup gets into my pancake, so to speak." The rejection he received from feminists hurt, especially because he just sees himself as "a 1970s feminist completing the revolution."

Feminists may claim that they want men to be involved in the home, says Farrell, "but every single fathers' rights organization in this country would not exist if women were open to men being involved in their children's lives. Women say, 'Get involved, but you can't take the child here, or you have to be liberal and not conservative.' Women want men to follow their rules, because they think their rules are better and their values are better. And that's understandable, but that's not equality."

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