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Send in the clowns
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Dec. 3, 1999 | MANCHESTER, N.H. --
Before any of us could even catch a glimpse of Bush, however, or even of Arizona Sen.
John McCain, who has suddenly reached a statistical dead heat with Bush in local polls,
or quintillionaire publisher Steve Forbes, who has slowly been unloading a barrage of
negative ammo against Bush, a surprise presidential candidate and outspoken pro wrestler
(!) suddenly emerged to provide us with a respite from politics as usual. It wasn't who you think, though. It was a bald, bearded, beefy, possibly deranged Nashua
resident calling himself "Lobsterman." Lobsterman wrestles in the All-Star Wrestling Association, "right here in New Hampshire," but
for some reason security wouldn't let him into the building. It's quite possible that the
reason Lobsterman was barred from the occasionally lively if frequently meandering Q-and-A
session is that the role of designated nutjob was already taken. Commentator Alan Keyes
seems to have that role pretty-well nailed down by now. I'll be sparing here because he quite
obviously is in the midst of some serious psychological breakdown. It's hard
to believe that his friends and family have yet to stage an intervention. The candidate cattle call hadn't even ended before Utah Sen. Orrin Hatch decried its format
as guaranteeing a "stilted" and "boring" outcome. Hatch's assessment was generally correct,
as the strict rules -- dictated by the front-running Bush -- were prohibitive enough for
ABC News to pull out. Fox News Channel and its bureau chief Brit Hume stepped in to fill the void, however. He and
WMUR's Karen Brown provided lively questions that brought a little life to the forum's leaden
format, which consisted of six questions plus a follow-up for each candidate, with brief time
limits signified by the ringing of an annoying ice cream bell. They asked Christian conservative Gary Bauer how he hoped to outlaw abortion when his
position seemed to be "at odds" with the will of the American people. "I don't think it's at
odds with the majority," Bauer said, "but I must tell you that if it was it wouldn't make any
difference." They asked McCain repeatedly about his legendary temper, and why "those who know
you best seem to like you least." "You know, a comment like that really makes me mad,"
McCain joked, before credibly explaining that anyone who favors keeping the "status quo" in
Washington shouldn't like him. They had the candidates discuss taxes, health-care reform, foreign policy and Social
Security in addition to more arcane subjects like Internet regulation and "air rage." The
answers were concise and a smidgen of a tad illuminating. But the format Hatch aptly deemed
too "structured" guaranteed that the result -- especially with the long-awaited, Beckettian
appearance of Bush -- slid into a tremendous anticlimax. | ||
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