40 minutes. "And we are back," Russert says. He addresses a question to Connecticut Sen. Chris Dodd, who for the purposes of this article is the father from "Happy Days." Russert asks why Dodd released a statement saying he "can understand" the reason that President Bush would want Clinton to be the nominee. After the question is asked, Clinton deploys her bionic giggle off-camera.
41 minutes. Dodd won't answer the question. This is odd. What is he afraid of? Did the bionic giggle get to him? He makes a bad joke about how someone once mistook him for CNN's Anderson Cooper because they both have white hair. Then he finally says, "I was being somewhat facetious."
52 minutes. Russert asks Gravel how he could be trusted as president if he has declared bankruptcy twice, once for a condo business and once for himself. "I will tell you, Donald Trump has been bankrupt 100 times," Gravel responds. As for his personal bankruptcy, Gravel says he was proud to stick his credit card companies with $90,000 in unpaid dept. "They deserved it," he says.
57 minutes. A question goes to all of the candidates. Would it be appropriate for a schoolteacher to read a story about a gay couple to their children in second grade? "Yes, absolutely," says Edwards. "What I want is I want my children to understand everything about the difficulties that gay and lesbian couples are faced with every day." Obama agrees. So does Clinton.
62 minutes. Another commercial break. Hopefully no children in second grade are watching. This time MSNBC shows an advertisement for Cialis, a pill that promises an erection at any point between 30 minutes and 36 hours after consumption. Sometimes erections may last for four hours or cause temporary loss of vision.
66 minutes. We're back with questions about government entitlements. Delaware Sen. Joe Biden -- an older version of Hawkeye from "M*A*S*H"? -- says he would be willing to raise taxes on those who make more than $97,500 a year to pay for Social Security and Medicare. "I'm probably the only one up here who's going to say that, but the truth of the matter is, you stated it," Biden says. "You're either going to cut benefits, or you're going to go ahead and raise taxes above the first $97,000."
69 minutes. Bionic Clinton is certainly not going to say that. In fact, she won't say much of anything. She says we as a country have to talk about "fiscal responsibility" first. Russert asks if she will at least put a tax increase on the table for consideration. "I'd take everything off the table until we move toward fiscal responsibility," she says. It's not clear what she means. But that's the thing about her bionic powers. She can say vague things that sound sort of meaningful.
70 minutes. Obama at this point represents the "Greatest American Hero," a clumsy, well-meaning figure who is not exactly on his game tonight. He tries to draw a distinction with Clinton. "Everything should be on the table," he says. Upon further reflection, this means pretty much the same thing as putting nothing on the table. But Obama does say raising taxes on the wealthy may be preferable to other solutions, including privatization of Social Security.
82 minutes. All the candidates say they don't want to decrease the drinking age from 21 to 18, except for Boss Hogg and Caine from "Kung Fu." "Anybody that could go fight and die for this country should be able to drink," says Gravel. "Of course, they should be able to drink at age 18 and they should be able to vote at age 16," says Kucinich, who must be really popular in high schools.
101 minutes. Russert asks a hypothetical question, which he said was originally asked by someone else whom he does not specify. Assume the United States captures the No. 3 guy in al-Qaida, who has information about a bomb that is about to go off in an American city. "Don't we have the responsibility to beat it out of him?"
102 minutes. One by one, the candidates say they do not approve of torture. Clinton even breaks her no-hypothetical pledge to answer the question. "It cannot be American policy, period," she says of torture. But Russert has a trick up his sleeve. It turns out that it was Bill Clinton who had originally posed this hypothetical, including the limited exception for beating up prisoners if there was a clear need. "Well, I'll talk to him later," Clinton deadpans. She is good. Bionic good.
116 minutes. The last question of the night is a baseball question. Yankees or Red Sox? Dodd, Richardson, Gravel and Edwards all say the Red Sox, which is the right call in New Hampshire. Clinton and Biden say the Yankees. Obama says the Chicago White Sox. Kucinich says the Cleveland Indians. Russert asks Clinton whom she would root for if the Yankees played the Chicago Cubs, since she was born in Chicago. For the first time all night, her bionic powers are stretched to the breaking point. "Well, I would probably have to alternate sides," she says. Russert gets the final word. "Spoken like a true sports fan," he says.
About the writer
Michael Scherer is Salon's Washington correspondent. Read his other articles here.
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