What you missed while watching "Oprah"

Oct. 10, 2007 | 0 minutes. This debate is sponsored by CNBC, the financial news network, which means that it will be extra boring. It's 4 p.m. in New York, where the stock market has just closed with record highs for the Dow Jones and the S&P 500. But the candidates are on a stage outside Detroit, where one in every 29 homes went into foreclosure in the first half of the year. Co-host Maria Bartiromo welcomes everyone to "the heart of the American auto industry, a fitting backdrop to the economic issues facing the American people." In other words, the roaring economy stinks for working people, so Republicans have gathered near the source of the smell.

1 minute. This is also the first debate for former Tennessee Sen. Fred Thompson, who is wearing a gold-checkered tie and deep creases in his face. He is asked if the American economy is headed toward a recession. "I see no reason to believe we are heading for ..." Thompson's mind goes blank for a beat, then another. "For an economic downturn," he recovers, seconds too late. He says he understands that "pockets in the economy" like Michigan are having difficulty. "I think you always find that in a vibrant, dynamic economy." In other words, Thompson doesn't mind the smell much.

2 minutes. The lameness of this answer is immediately revealed by that of former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney, who decides to pander to the needs of Michigan voters, who will be among the first Republican primary voters next January. "There's a lot we can do to strengthen Michigan," Romney says. "What Michigan is seeing, the entire nation is going to see, unless we take action now to get Michigan stronger."

6 minutes. Texas Rep. Ron Paul chimes in, sounding like a Democrat, or a socialist, or something else very un-Republican. "This country is in the middle of a recession for a lot of people. Michigan knows about it. Poor people know about it. The middle class knows about it. Wall Street doesn't know about it. Washington, D.C., doesn't know about it," he says. "As long as we live beyond our means we are destined to live beneath our means." He's rewarded by applause. Liberal spies? No. They are probably just workers from Michigan.

12 minutes. California Rep. Duncan Hunter gets a question about taxes, and starts using lots of number: "1.8 million jobs that have moved to Communist China from the United States, including over 54,000 jobs from Michigan," he says. Then he mentions that it only took 60 minutes to make a bomber during World War II. "And I would say to my colleagues and Senator Thompson and the other senators, you all voted for 'most favored nation' trading status for Communist China," he says, launching the night's first attack on a fellow Republican. More applause.

13 minutes. Co-host Chris Matthews asks Thompson to respond. He again ignores the local concerns. "Free and fair trade has been good for America, responsible for millions of jobs in this country. We cannot turn our back on that," he says. There is no applause, but Bartiromo, who appears to distrust worker movements, stands up, turns around and tells the audience to stop applauding.

18 minutes. More numbers. Former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani says he cut taxes 23 times in New York, by over $9 billion. He says he cut the income tax 24 percent, but got 42 percent more revenue. Romney responds by saying that a New York worker pays about 10 percent in state and local taxes, while a Boston worker pays only 5.3 percent. He says Giuliani favored a $400 million commuter tax. Giuliani responds by saying per capita spending in Massachusetts went up 8 percent under Romney, but went down 7 percent in New York under Giuliani. "I brought taxes down by 17 percent. Under [Romney], taxes went up 11 percent per capita," Giuliani says. "I led. He lagged."

20 minutes. The numbers are dizzying, painful. The vertigo is worsened by the crawls that clutter the CNBC screen. At the top it keeps flashing the glorious stats from the Dow Jones and S&P indexes. On the bottom, there are two stock tickers, moving at different speeds. Alcoa, up 1.19. Goldman Sachs, up 12.64. Las Vegas Sands, up 3. Countrywide, down 0.84. Etc. Etc. Etc. And the numbers keep coming. "My spending grew 2.2 percent a year. Yours grew 2.8 percent a year," says Romney. "I'm in favor of the line-item veto. I had it, used it 844 times."

22 minutes. Giuliani ends the horror show by changing the subject and attacking Bill Clinton. "I took President Clinton to court and I beat him," he says, referring to a court case from the 1990s about the line-item veto. To Bartiromo's dismay, the crowd applauds again.

23 minutes. Thompson gets another chance to stick his finger in the eye of Michigan voters. "In a dynamic economy there are jobs lost and there are jobs gained, and so far there have been more jobs gained," Thompson says, rejecting the idea of any government intervention. Again, no applause.

25 minutes. Arizona Sen. John McCain steps in to offer the government help that Thompson would deny. "We need to have job retraining programs. We need to go to the community colleges. We even need, if you're a senior, laid-off worker who gets another job, to make up in compensation for the amount of money that's the difference between the job that they lost," McCain says. If the candidates had stock tickers, Thompson would be down. McCain, Romney and Giuliani would be up.

Next page: Brownback manages to blame Detroit's foreclosures and layoffs on men who love men