"[T]he senator arranged for Mr. Hampton to join a political consulting firm and lined up several donors as his lobbying clients, according to interviews, e-mail messages and other records. Mr. Ensign and his staff then repeatedly intervened on the companies’ behalf with federal agencies, often after urging from Mr. Hampton," the Times reports. "Mr. Hampton said he and Mr. Ensign were aware of the lobbying restriction but chose to ignore it. He recounted how the senator helped him find clients and ticked off several steps Mr. Ensign took to assist them with their agendas in Washington, activities confirmed by federal officials and executives with the businesses."

There's also a trail of colleagues and supporters of the senator's who, in the wake of the scandal, are feeling betrayed -- Ensign reportedly asked them to assist Hampton without ever disclosing what was going on.

One of Ensign's fellow senators, Oklahoma Republican Tom Coburn, played a large role in handling the fallout from the affair; he's not one of those saying he feels betrayed -- he knew what had happened -- but he certainly isn't taking it easy on Ensign either.

“John got trapped doing something really stupid and then made a lot of other mistakes afterward,” Coburn told the Times. “Judgment gets impaired by arrogance, and that’s what’s going on here.”

In honor of the most recent Master of the Senate, Salon presents its list of those senators who are not masters, those who have helped turn what was once the nation's foremost debating society into the corporate board of Dunder Mifflin. Meet the senators who for reasons of questionable IQ or eccentricity, because they are vapid, stubborn or ornery, can fairly be called knuckleheads.

Jim DeMint, R-S.C.

Evidence of knuckleheadedness: Sure, DeMint won notoriety (or fame, if you're the Tea Party-ing type) for saying early this summer that healthcare reform could be Obama's Waterloo. But ignore that -- that's about the nicest thing he's managed to say about Obama all year. He's also compared America circa 2009 to the Weimar Republic, circa 1932: "We're about where Germany was before World War II, where they became a social democracy," he told the National Press Club in July. "You still had votes, but the votes were just power grabs like you see in Iran and other places in South America, like [President Hugo] Chavez is running down in Venezuela." That's a pretty good trifecta, lumping Obama in with Nazis, a populist anti-American dictator and an Islamic republic. DeMint may be the most fervent Republican believer in the notion that Obama has, will or wants to subvert the Constitution in the pursuit of such sinister goals as universal healthcare or saving the economy from sinking into a depression. Even better, lately he's been talking about the vast numbers of people who ask him if he's running for president himself in 2012 -- a prospect that would surely lead him to pursue even more ridiculous extremes as he courts the GOP base.

Jim Bunning, R-Ky.

Evidence of knuckleheadedness: Even Bunning's own Republican colleagues don't like his increasingly grumpy and eccentric ways anymore, which is why they pushed him to retire rather than seek reelection next year. That, in turn, prompted him to start cursing out his fellow Kentuckian, GOP boss Mitch McConnell, on a conference call with reporters. The Hall of Fame pitcher-turned-senatorial coot started a charitable foundation so he could pay himself $20,000 a year for signing autographs, predicted Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg would be dead within nine months of her cancer diagnosis and appears to have done nothing of any substance in his time in office. No wonder the GOP thinks it's time for a call to the bullpen.

Joe Lieberman, I-Conn.

Evidence of knuckleheadedness: You know that we know that you know why Joe Lieberman is on this list. If you need more details, please consult this directory of 215 Salon stories on the subject.

Roland Burris, D-Ill.

Evidence of knuckleheadedness: We all know, thanks to ex-Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich, that "a Senate seat is a fucking valuable thing, you don't just give it away for nothing." What we still don't know is whether Burris gave up anything to get it -- but that's in part because he's gone out of his way to keep that unclear. About a month after Burris was finally sworn into the Senate (to replace President Obama) in January, he admitted to reporters that the ex-governor's brother had asked him to raise a little cash -- you know, nothing too much, just $10,000 or so. Or maybe make it $15,000. And, oh, also that Burris tried to help him raise the money, but couldn't find any takers. A day after making that admission, he went out and denied any wrongdoing again.

The back and forth would have been bad enough, if Burris hadn't insisted before he was actually sworn in that he'd never had anything to do with the corruption case against Blagojevich. But his ultimately successful effort to get Senate Democrats to accept him as one of them hinged entirely on his claim that he was an unwitting victim of Blagojevich's antics, so when he came around and said that wasn't quite true, his new colleagues promptly started an ethics investigation.

Burris, who quickly added his newest post to a résumé already inscribed in stone on his mausoleum, is now talking about trying to stick around and run for a full term next year, instead of slinking out of town. Don't count on him having any success if he does try.

James Inhofe, R-Okla.

Evidence of knuckleheadedness: Don't sell James Inhofe short. Yes, he's the poster child for global warming deniers. He called global warming "the greatest hoax ever perpetrated on the American people," on the Senate floor, and he's used the writings of novelist Michael Crichton to try to persuade his colleagues and the public that there's nothing to worry about. He's also argued on Fox News that all this scare-mongering is just a plot by "the Weather Channel" to boost its ratings.

But Inhofe's brand of crazy doesn't stop at climate change. He believes that kicking God out of schools in 1963 unleashed an "age of perversion" in this country, and that the terrorist attacks of 9/11 were evidence of God's anger at the United States for our policies toward Israel. He's also said that the "Birthers," who think President Obama wasn't born in the U.S., "have a point." Given the stubborn Oklahoman's immunity to fact, his August statement about the healthcare reform bill is unsurprising: "I don't have to read it, or know what's in it. I'm going to oppose it anyways."

Herb Kohl, D-Wisc.

Evidence of knuckleheadedness: There is little proof in the legislative record that a "Herb Kohl" has ever been on Capitol Hill. A small, bald robot has been spotted near the Senate office (and at Milwaukee Bucks games) bearing this name and reading questions to witnesses at hearings, but it is not believed to be a fully functioning senator.

Tom Coburn, R-Okla.

Evidence of knuckleheadedness: Is Coburn dumb, or is he just so sincere about his right-wing beliefs that it makes him sound batty? Passion would explain his penchant for odd legislative gambits and odder public outbursts.

When running for the Senate in 2004, he told the Associated Press he favored "the death penalty for abortionists." That spring, he warned that "the gay community has infiltrated the very centers of power in every area across this country, and they wield extreme power," and that the gay agenda is "the greatest threat to our freedom that we face today." Including, according to Coburn, in Oklahoma high schools -- he warned during the 2004 campaign that teenage lesbianism was "so rampant in some of the schools in southeast Oklahoma that they'll only let one girl go to the bathroom" at a time. He opposed post-tornado disaster relief for his own state and managed to sneak an amendment allowing Americans to carry concealed weapons in national parks into a credit card reform bill.

In 1997, Coburn attacked NBC for airing Steven Spielberg's acclaimed Holocaust drama "Schindler's List" on broadcast television, claiming that the scenes of nudity and "irresponsible sexual behavior" "should outrage parents and decent-minded individuals everywhere." Said Coburn, obliviously, "I cringe when I realize that there were children all across this nation watching this program."

Even Coburn later realized he had failed to see the big picture. But during this summer's confirmation hearings for Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor, he attempted to channel the Ricky Ricardo character from "I Love Lucy," telling Sotomayor "You'd have a lot of 'splaining to do." That should help the GOP with Latino voters.

Chuck Grassley, R-Iowa

Evidence of knuckleheadedness: Oh, pretty much just the entire debate over healthcare reform. Grassley's the primary Republican negotiator on healthcare in the Senate, and Democrats have been working hard to please him, but at this point no one besides Sen. Max Baucus, D-Mont., understands why.

Never mind that Grassley has said there's almost no chance he'll actually vote for the final bill, no matter how many concessions to him are included in it. He's actually gone so far as to claim that provisions in the legislation that would provide coverage for end-of-life counseling are really setting up a "government program that determines if you're going to pull the plug on grandma." What he didn't mention? He's voted for end-of-life counseling before.

And don't even get us started on his use of Twitter.

Max Baucus, D-Mont.

Evidence of knuckleheadedness: Long before his current courtship of Grassley on healthcare reform showed signs of going sour, Baucus had established himself as the Democrat Republicans -- and their corporate allies -- could count on. Which may be why the American Prospect dubbed him "Bad Max," and the Nation singled him out as "K Street's Favorite Democrat." He helped pass George W. Bush's 2001 tax cuts, standing behind the president when he signed them into law (though he did wind up voting against the 2003 version). He went along with the GOP's attempt to ram a Medicare prescription drug bill through Congress in 2003, even though Republicans barred then-Democratic leader Tom Daschle, also a Finance Committee member, from the negotiations to reconcile different House and Senate versions of the legislation. Baucus had long feuded with Daschle, who thought the man from Montana was untrustworthy because of his willingness to cut deals with Republicans even if other Democrats objected.

Now, right on cue, Baucus has become the Democrat progressives love to hate this summer. He seems bullishly determined to bargain away with the GOP on healthcare, even though the very Republicans he's negotiating with have done everything short of buying a blimp to advertise that they won't support President Obama's ultimate goals on the legislation. He isn't keeping Democratic leaders in the loop on his talks, keeps pushing back his deadlines and looks likely to give up on a public option as part of the reform to win GOP votes, even though they're probably unwinnable -- and even though Baucus himself says he wants to keep it. If that doesn't make you a knucklehead, we don't know what does.

David Vitter, R-La.

Evidence of knuckleheadedness: If the ability to endure extreme cognitive dissonance qualifies a senator as a knucklehead, then Vitter is a star, even in comparison to some of his colleagues who seem perfectly happy saying one thing and doing another.

In 2007, Vitter's Washington phone number showed up repeatedly in the phone records of Deborah Jeane Palfrey, known better as the "D.C. Madam" who ran a prostitution ring. Vitter promptly issued a press release where he announced that he had "asked for and received forgiveness from God."

Presumably, Vitter sought forgiveness for sleeping with prostitutes, not for being a hypocrite, but the latter may have been his main sin. Vitter has supported abstinence-only education and in 2006, fought for a constitutional amendment to define marriage as a union between a man and a woman, the better to fend off challenges to that sacred bond. (Gay marriage? A "threat" to all that is holy. A Washington hooker? No problem.) His vote rating from the Christian Coalition? 100 percent.

Vitter never faced any legal -- or even political -- ramifications for sleeping with prostitutes. Palfrey, however, got busted and in the spring of 2008, facing a possible 55 years in prison, hanged herself in a shed behind her mother's house.

John Ensign, R-Nev.

Evidence of knuckleheadedness: You've heard of that old rule, "Don't shit where you eat"? Well, there's a new addition to that rule -- call it the Ensign Corollary. That one, essentially, is "Don't shit where you eat -- especially not if the woman's husband works for you too, and happens to be one of your close friends. And then, if you've disobeyed the first part of this corollary, don't have your parents give your girlfriend and her husband money."

It seems complicated, we know, but it's really not too hard. Unfortunately for Ensign, he never quite grasped the subtleties of it, and now he won't be able to grasp the Republican presidential nomination in 2012, either. (And, of course, he's also already had to give up his Senate leadership post.)

Jeff Sessions, R-Ala.

Evidence of knuckleheadedness: Sometimes, Sessions seems like a double agent, trying to help liberals prove their point that old-style racism still exists under a thin mask of legitimate politics.

As ranking Republican on the Judiciary Committee, Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III spent most of his time during the Sonia Sotomayor confirmation hearings trying to get her to admit she hates white people. Then he took a break from calling her racist to note, seemingly confusedly, that Sotomayor didn't vote the same way as a Puerto Rican peer.

There was some irony in all this, as Sessions himself was once rejected by this very same Senate committee for a judgeship, because of a long list of statements that sound, let's say, not not racist. Like that time he called a white civil rights lawyer "a disgrace to his race." Then there's the black assistant U.S. attorney who testified that Sessions called him "boy" and told him, "Be careful what you say to white folks." Apparently, Sessions also said his only problem with Klan members is their pot smoking.

Sessions also called the NAACP "un-American" and said the group "forced civil rights down the throats of people." But it's OK, explains Sessions: His kids don't go to all-white schools, and he's even, on occasion, shared hotel rooms with a black lawyer.

In a statement released Thursday, Ensign attorney Paul Coggins said that the senator's parents had given $96,000 to their son's former staffer, Cindy Hampton, and her family. The full statement:

In April 2008, Senator John Ensign’s parents each made gifts to Doug Hampton, Cindy Hampton, and two of their children in the form of a check totaling $96,000. Each gift was limited to $12,000. The payments were made as gifts, accepted as gifts and complied with tax rules governing gifts.

After the Senator told his parents about the affair, his parents decided to make the gifts out of concern for the well-being of long-time family friends during a difficult time. The gifts are consistent with a pattern of generosity by the Ensign family to the Hamptons and others.

None of the gifts came from campaign or official funds nor were they related to any campaign or official duties. Senator Ensign has complied with all applicable laws and Senate ethics rules.

Even before this news broke, Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington, a watchdog group, announced that it had asked the Justice Department to investigate an allegation that Ensign had paid $25,000 in severance to Cindy Hampton without reporting it.

That allegation came from an interview Doug Hampton gave to a Las Vegas reporter. In that interview, Hampton also said a group that includes Sen. Tom Coburn, R-Okla., encouraged Ensign to pay millions of dollars to help the Hampton family pay off their mortgage and move to a new home away from him.

On Wednesday, The State, a South Carolina newspaper that helped to break the story of the governor's affair, reported that twelve of the twenty-seven members of the state Senate's Republican Caucus have signed a petition urging Sanford to resign. One indication of the trouble Sanford is in: Majority Leader Harvey Peeler was the one who composed the letter and passed it around to his Republican colleagues. Additionally, two state senators that are close with Sanford did not sign the petition but said they also want him to resign.

Adding to the chorus, on Wednesday afternoon, Carol Fowler, the head of the state's Democratic party, called for Sanford to step down.

"Every day that members of the General Assembly spend talking about Sanford's state-funded romance is another day these Republican leaders aren't tackling the rising unemployment numbers or the plight of our public schools," Fowler said in a statement. "South Carolina can't afford to be at a standstill for the next 18 months with a governor who ignores his job responsibilities while pursuing personal interests. Any other worker in South Carolina would be fired for not showing up at work with no notice."

But one of the reasons some Republican politicians in South Carolina have been wary of forcing Sanford out of office is that the man who would succeed him, Lt. Gov. Andre Bauer,  has his own history of questionable behavior. Publicly, Bauer has seemed to support Sanford, but on Monday he acknowledged that he has discussed with state Republicans the possibility of taking over the governorship in exchange for not running for the position in 2010.

Why would Republicans want to limit his time in office? A Washington Post profile on Bauer details the lieutenant governor's less than illustrious past:

In 2003, he was charged with driving 60 mph and running two red lights in downtown Columbia. When pulled over, Bauer was so aggressive that a police officer pulled a gun on him ... In 2006, Bauer was stopped by a state trooper who clocked him driving 101 mph on an interstate highway. He used his state-issued radio to tell the officer he was "S.C. 2" -- the code for lieutenant governor -- and was not ticketed. Then, weeks later, Bauer was injured when the single-engine airplane he was piloting crashed and burned.

There's a whole other issue of sex related to Bauer, too -- namely, rumors about his sexuality, which he directly confronted in an interview with the State this week. Asked if he is gay, Bauer responded, “One word, two letters. ‘No.’ Let’s go ahead and dispel that now."

Finally, in the wake of all of Sanford's recent admissions, here's a campaign video from 2002 that's a good indication of why everyone should make it a practice never to be sanctimonious on camera (the video's last line is especially ironic considering Sanford's recent disclosures).

They're really just liberals in right-wing drag.

The proof is in the penance, or lack thereof, inflicted on the likes of Mark Sanford, John Ensign and David Vitter, to cite a few names from the top of a long, long list. For ideologues who value biblical morality and believe in the efficacy of punishment, modern conservatives are as tolerant of their famous sinners as the jaded libertines of the left. Even after confessing to the most flagrant and colorful fornication, the worst that a conservative must anticipate is a stern scolding, followed by warm assurances of God's forgiveness and a swift return to business as usual.

Mark Sanford may have forfeited his presidential ambitions, but the South Carolina governor seems determined to hold onto his office despite his escapade in Argentina -- and if he is thrown out, the reason will be his offenses against good government rather than his betrayal of his marriage vows. John Ensign isn't expected to step down from the Senate, despite the mounting evidence that he concealed his extramarital affair through the misuse of public funds; even now he remains more popular than fellow Nevadan Harry Reid, the Democratic majority leader. And then there is David Vitter, the Louisiana bon vivant whose evangelical constituents seem inclined to reward him for consorting with prostitutes by giving him another Senate term. The safest prediction is that these pharisaical pols will continue their careers without suffering the retribution they have earned.

According to the Old Testament -- a text regularly cited by these worthies as the highest authority in denouncing reproductive freedom and gay rights -- the proper penalty for adultery is death by stoning. Leviticus is quite clear on this point (as any truly strict originalist could hardly deny). Fortunately for all of us, biblical law doesn't rule this country, despite the zealots on the religious right who disdain separation of church and state. Very few Americans believe that we should impose state sanctions, let alone the death penalty, on private peccadilloes. But civic tolerance doesn't excuse the limp, smiling attitude of the Republican right toward the infidelity of its leaders.

That flabby acceptance contrasts sharply with right-wing screaming about the iniquity of the opposition. As understood by conservative commentators, this is not mere rhetoric but a theory of civilization's rise and fall. Ann Coulter believes that liberals actively "seek to destroy morality" by "refusing to condemn what societies have condemned for thousands of years," including "promiscuity" and "divorce." Dinesh D'Souza once recommended sarcastically that the Democrats adopt the mantle of "moral degeneracy" by forthrightly advocating "divorce, illegitimacy, adultery, homosexuality, bestiality and pornography."

The supposed depravity of the Democratic Party has long been a favorite theme of conservatives, dating back to the rise of Newt Gingrich, who distributed an official campaign lexicon to Republican congressional candidates that featured such defining insults as "decadent," "permissive," "sick," "selfish" and, of course, "liberal." Back then the Georgia Republican was on his second marriage and carrying on a clandestine affair with the young Capitol Hill clerk who would eventually become his third wife (after he converted to Catholicism and had his union with wife No. 2 annulled). In 2007, he admitted on James Dobson's radio show that he was cheating on wife No. 2 with future wife No. 3 while he was publicly chastising President Clinton for consorting with Monica Lewinsky. Gingrich has remained a consistent favorite among his pious comrades.

Today, in fact, Gingrich is fully rehabilitated as a party spokesman, still nurturing presidential ambitions. So why should any other Republican fear the wrath of the righteous? The disappointment in Sanford and Ensign among the devout must be particularly keen, since they have so rigorously aligned themselves with the most fervent elements of the religious right.

For more than a decade, Ensign lent his name to Promise Keepers, the all-male Christian prayer movement run by a former Colorado football coach, whose mass rallies highlighted men's integrity, purity and uncompromising domination of family life. Both he and Sanford have worked closely with the Family, a secretive Christian fellowship on Capitol Hill that maintains a brick townhouse where Ensign and other members of Congress have resided. Over the years both men have won the highest marks from the Family Research Council, the Christian Coalition and the American Family Association -- and until the other day, Sanford was featured as an invited speaker at the Family Research Council's upcoming Values Voters Summit 2009. (As Pam Spaulding and Think Progress noted, however, the FRC removed his photo from the summit Web site immediately following his confessional press conference.)

Certainly there is considerable pressure for Sanford to resign in South Carolina, and perhaps he will surrender. But he might well ask whether that is fair when Ensign is hanging on and Vitter appears to be in the clear. For a while, Family Research Council president Tony Perkins had threatened to challenge Vitter in the Republican primary next year, but last March he announced that he won't run after all -- and instead endorsed Vitter for reelection. Amazingly, Perkins then hosted a radio broadcast with Vitter as his guest, where they tut-tutted over the alleged ethical problems of Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius. Nobody had the poor taste to mention the infamous black books in which Vitter's friendly madams in Washington and New Orleans had inscribed his name and phone number.

By the way, while Vitter, Ensign, Gingrich and perhaps Sanford have been able to retain their positions and political viability, the same cannot be said for the most recent offenders on the progressive side. Neither Eliot Spitzer nor John Edwards, each among the most promising figures in the Democratic Party, will ever be a candidate for public office again, although their misbehavior was no worse than what their Republican counterparts did.

If they looked honestly at themselves, religious conservatives might notice that they are morally lax, socially permissive and casually tolerant of moral deviancy -- just like the liberals they despise. So as they wonder aloud why the same salacious nightmare haunts them, year after year, the best advice they can get happens to come from that old sinner Clinton. As he so often says, the definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing while expecting a different outcome.