King Kaufman's Sports Daily

"Queer Eye" in the clubhouse: The Red Sox have never been so boring, but Kevin Millar happily shouting, "I am now gay" can only be a good thing.

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June 8, 2005 | I watched five members of the Boston Red Sox get makeovers on the season premiere of "Queer Eye" Tuesday night and it was shocking.

They got facials, manicures, pedicures and back waxes. They joked with the show's "Fab Five" stylists about sharing soap in the shower. They wore big white fluffy robes and allowed themselves to be dressed in egregiously Eurotrashy fashions.

I was appalled. I never thought the Boston Red Sox could be this boring.

"Queer Eye," has had "For the Straight Guy" trimmed from its name, by the way. Just another sign that us straight guys can't get a fair shake in prime time. Realizing this, Jai Rodriguez, one of the show's stars, has been battling rumors lately that he's straight.

I have to admit "Queer Eye" has never done much for me because it's seemed that the show has had two major appeals: Look! There's queeny gay guys on TV! And: Look! There's schlubby straight guys in various states of embarrassment as the gay guys dress them up, teach them how to use moisturizer and flirt mildly with them.

Harmless fun, but not my cup of chai. Watching gay guys "act gay" has about as much entertainment value for me as watching straight guys "act straight." The Fab Five's wisecracks, on their own, are only mildly amusing, and the show's pace is snail-like.

A new element this year, slowing things down even more, is shameless shilling for some company, in Monday's case Dunkin' Donuts.

Right. These fellows are going to teach us straight boys how to live fabulously. First stop? Dunkin' Donuts!

Tuesday's episode also had a cloying subplot in which the Fab Five and the Red Sox visited with some Little League kids and raised money for them to repair their field, which had been damaged by Hurricane Charlie. At one point, a check for $100,000 was presented, which seems like an awful lot to rebuild a Little League field, especially since the lights were already being donated by a local company.

But -- and I can't say this strongly enough -- who cares.

The Red Sox players brought their fame, their macho credentials -- two of the five who participated were catchers, the grunts of baseball -- and their famously lovable shagginess to this party, which was filmed in Florida during spring training.

They also brought their wives. Oh, yes, the wives. They got more screen time than the players. Please don't miss the message there: They may have changed the name of the show, but WE ARE STRAIGHT. Did you see our wives? Some of them are pregnant. Get it?

Next page: Some teammates object, but their days are numbered. After all, Kevin Millar is "now gay"