Porn reduces the mind and flattens the soul. I don't like it. That's not hypocrisy talking; that's just experience. I sometimes think of myself, ironically, as a progressive: I started off as a liberal but I progressed to conservatism. Part of that transformation is due to my time in the industry. How does a conservative trace his roots to such distasteful beginnings? I didn't like porn's liberalism. In porn, everything taboo is trivialized and everything trivial is magnified.
Being in the adult entertainment industry was sort of like being in a cult, and like all followers of a cult, I have a difficult time figuring out when I stopped believing in the party line. I can tell you, though, that by the time I finished my brief tour of the major studios, I was pretty disgusted with myself. It was an emotional low, and the people who surrounded me were like drug dealers interested only in being with the anesthetized in order not to shake off the stupor of being high.
Why did I become a conservative? Just look at what I left, and look at who is attacking me today. Let's face it: Those on the left who now attack me would be defending me if I had espoused liberal causes and spoken out against the Iraq war before I was outed as a pseudo celebrity. They'd be talking about publishing my memoir and putting me on a diversity ticket with Barack Obama. Instead, those who complain about wire-tapping reserve the right to pry into my private life and my past for political brownie points.
Sure, I had my picture taken with Ann Coulter. I don't agree with what she said, but anyone in the military would defend her right to say it. I'm not apologizing for it. I'm also not going to claim I'm sorry for leaving a long-ago summer job off my curriculum vitae. A lot things in my life don't add up, but then I was never good at math. It's just a part of my past, and as anyone who reflects on the past realizes, it contributes to who I am today. No apologies, just recognition. No running away, just moving forward.
I learned a lot at CPAC. I saw Jeff Gannon. He seemed to be doing fine, despite the minor media scandal he endured. (When was that scandal anyway? It's hard to keep track, because so many come and go so rapidly.) Mostly I learned that I'm not as right-wing among the true believers as I feel in a place like New York, where people glibly promote diversity unless you don't agree with them. I also learned that there are many citizens in this country who are, as conservatives, just as passionate about the autonomy of the individual as I am, and just as committed to spreading the word. I accepted my award and spoke with great pride.
By the way, as a political minority on the Columbia campus, people are always asking me, "How can you be a conservative? They're so hateful." That wasn't the feeling I got when I accepted my award. And it's not what I've been hearing from the conservative community since my "outing."
I am embarrassed to admit that was I worried that my fellow conservatives would distance themselves from me when the news about my film career broke. The opposite has happened. I've been asked to give my point of view, invited to speak at various functions, and invited back on television. My peers on the right have gone out of their way to give me a vote of confidence and avoid a rush to judgment.
I appreciate the support. I am also not really that troubled by the abuse I've taken from the other side. Some conversations are worth having. By entering the public arena, with all the risk that entails, I feel I've already achieved a major victory. Columbia University is expanding its outreach to veterans and will build a memorial to alumni who have fallen in battle. Columbia veterans have fought in every conflict since the American Revolution. The rest of it is just a bunch of blips in the blogosphere.
About the writer
Matt Sanchez is a senior at Columbia University and a partner at a marketing firm. He keeps a blog and currently resides in New York City.
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